


A Game Of You

by btfanboy



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:01:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 91,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1865541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btfanboy/pseuds/btfanboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One moment Logan was trying to drown his sorrows the next he found himself playing a game with a complete stranger with his heart as the only stake...Jagan AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A Game Of You

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: James/Logan

Rating: M

Warnings: Language Smut

A/N: In my last story I said "No Jagan, you cannot have sex this time." And now this happens and they are grinning victoriously in the back corners of my head...If you want an actual plot go read someone else's work because this AU will be mostly filled with Logan's and James' little sexual escapades. And I will write them until either this gets deleted or I ran out of kinky ideas. Okay, maybe I'll manage to get some plot in here in coming chapters, you can leave a review and vote which one you'd prefer drama or smut…And although I'm set on my OC cast I have no idea if Carlos, Kendall or the rest of the gang will make an appearance, sorry for that, sometimes I need to focus on the Jagan. To anyone who cares the title is derived from Neil Gaiman's amazing Sandman comic. Thankfully just the title…

My partner in crime is Newbie-0.0Q that I keep up all night and give her weird dreams with my sleazy ideas…I'M SORRY HONEY I'LL GET MY MEDICATION EVENTUALLY!

Logan Mitchell felt like he was the most miserable man on the face of the earth and he didn't even bother hiding it. He sat alone leaning his slouched back over the bar table, eyes moist, skin pale, with an expression on his face like he had given up on life, someone had to check twice to make sure if he was even breathing, if anyone would even bother to look at him.

The club was loud and crowded, full of people that were out on the prowl to have a good time, the place was also a rising hot spot and the only reason Logan in his unkempt and sorrowful state made it past the bouncer on the door was that the night was still young and it was the middle of the week, so any customer ready to spend a buck even for a beer was more than welcome to come in for at least another hour, then if they didn't look like famished models or at least owners of a Porsche they would be forced to take a hike.

He wouldn't have come here in the first place if he had a better choice so that didn't bother him much; the upbeat dance music wasn't of his taste and the multicolored flashing lights made his eyes hurt, but it was just a few blocks away from his house and the apartment felt asphyxiating and dark, and he lacked the physical strength needed to go anywhere else. So, Logan sat on a stool in the corner of the bar head down trying to decide how to best drown his sorrows, that's when he heard someone trying to call out to him over the booming music.

"Okay, what can I get you?" Logan didn't bother to lift his head, it was only the barman doing his job, give him an order and at least he would go away not like the laughing people that surrounded him and rubbed their happiness in his face.

"A glass of wine, red…" He said with a choked voice expecting that the barman possessed super powered enhanced hearing somehow.

"Didn't catch that, sorry can you repeat?" He leaned closer and Logan saw a distorted reflection on the black table's surface. He gave a frustrated sigh out and shot his head up screaming.

"I SAID A GLASS OF..." He stopped cold, his voice died; the barman was breathtaking, simply breathtaking. A tall stud with light brown hair and fiery hazel eyes, a gorgeous shining smile and broad wide shoulders and he was just right in front of Logan the space between them was minimal he could even feel his breath falling warmly on his face.

"…good god…." Logan's tongue slipped but the other man didn't have the time to read his lips and once again couldn't make out what he said.

"What? Speak up man! I can't hear you!" The hunk said sounding kind of ticked off about losing precious time with just one customer, but Logan was too busy biting his lips and smiling like an idiot to care.

"SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS! MAKE IT A DOUBLE!" Logan shouted suddenly bursting with life; the bartender hit one hand on the surface of the counter playfully and vigorously answered.

"Coming right up!" And then he turned his back to get the order giving Logan a great view that he quickly favored more than the flawless face, a view of his hard firm ass wrapped in a tight pair of skinny jeans.

"Here you go! First ones on the house!" He said grinning handing over the drink and Logan almost dropped it.

"What? Why?"

"I don't like sad people on my watch, can't do my job properly, it ruins the mood and you have a face like somebody ran your dog over with a truck."

"Sorry. This is not exactly my sort of thing…" Logan apologized but he really put more effort on not to drool because the man made his head spin just with the sound of his voice.

"Hey, I'm just weird like that; you can feel and do whatever you want. You're the customer here." He turned quickly to get another order but he returned by Logan's side as soon as he passed the glass on the other patron's hand. Logan used the opportunity to take his wallet out.

"I'm not joking, put that away, this one's on me!" He said pointing at the whisky that Logan still hadn't tasted feeling bad with the gesture; he wasn't a big fan of pity.

"Okay then, I'm Logan by the way, thanks for the drink." He gave a hand out for a handshake and got one, his palm was sort of sweaty and he felt that the barman's grip was too tight and would crush his fingers, but he refused to let go before the other man did, the guy's skin was warm and smooth and Logan savored the touch and the goose bumps down his spine.

"James. Nice to meet you!" His wide grin made Logan's heart skip beats, he was mostly surprised that it still worked; just a few seconds ago Logan would have sworn the organ was dead and long gone. A set of new customers came up and sat beside him taking the empty seats, James shifted his attention to them like lightning; Logan's gaze became fierce, not wanting to miss a second trying to assimilate the way James moved. He caught James's arm flexing ripping muscles as he poured the other customers their drinks and he felt a sudden heat spring between his legs. This was getting out of hand, he tried to shrug the lust off slouching back down but James after serving yet another order returned on Logan's little cut off corner.

"So, tell me if you don't mind, what's with all the dark and gloom sitting all by yourself? Your dog didn't actually die?" James leaned over again and put both elbows on the counter nonchalantly, Logan thought it was the sexiest pose he had seen in his life.

"No, I don't have a dog…no spare time to care for pets…"

"Tough day in the office then…?" James coaxed curiously, Logan thought he was pretending interest and just doing his job.

"Second year medical intern…and no, I have that part of my life under control thankfully…what is this, twenty questions?" Logan finally snapped because James had now reminded him why he desperately needed alcohol in the first place.

"Since you are the sulking customer, I'm playing the role of the bartender who also happens to be a great listener, and this is the part you tell me her name!" And then he made a gesture over at Logan, Logan smiled slyly, he decided to deploy the bomb and get this over with so he could return back to his misery and stare James from afar.

"His name was Jack and he just dumped me over with a post-it note, so there you have it!" Logan sipped his drink expecting James's reaction, he was set on one of the following: surprise, sock, disgust, maybe a laugh, James didn't do anything of the sort, he just turned poured a glass of tequila for himself and nodded with pouted lips.

"So Jack, let's talk trash about Jack, he's obviously blind and stupid enough to kick his good fortune in the balls, what else can you tell me?" He hit Logan's glass in toast and prompted him to take another sip while he gulped down most of his own drink.

"What did you say?" Logan was the one surprised in the end, maybe James was just good on his job but the way he threw the comment around could be easily misunderstood as flirtatious.

"I said blind, stupid, great taste in men though I have to admit." He saw the hazel eyes running up and down taking him in, evaluating him and then he tilted his head playfully and winked. Logan had all the body symptoms of a sudden heart attack. Loss of color, vivid respiration, he started to shake violently, cold sweat came down his forehead, he couldn't form a coherent thought, his brain exploded.

"Are you pulling my chain…?" He asked finally but James only changed his smile from playful to predatory.

"It depends…are you kinky?" Logan's pupil's dilated; now he was sure the sexy beast was indeed flirting, Logan didn't know what to do, ran for the hills or dive into the lion's mouth. He was saved by James' coworker, some girl with tattoos and piercings all over her body and blond messy braided hair; she tapped James gently on the shoulder and told him they were out of clean beer glasses. James gave her an angry stare and left Logan once again mumbling something that was drowned by the loud music.

"Excuse me!" Logan called out to the girl as she was about to return on her side of the bar, he needed to know what he was getting into.

"Yeah, can I help you?" If one could ignore that she would look more in place as a front lead singer of a death metal band, she actually had a jolly expression and deep green kind eyes.

"Umm this may sound a little weird but is James…"

"Bisexual, an incurable flirt and great in the shack which is the understatement of the millennium, the last one though I know by source of mouth, the one and only time he flirted with me I shot him down cold. Did he give you a free drink handsome?" She didn't bother beating around the bushes, not wanting to abandon her post for long.

"Yes…"

"Then the ball is in your court, he's interested, worst case scenario for you is that you'll get kissed senseless, worst for me is I'll have to pull a double duty while you have mind blowing sex in the store room. But then again I owe him half a taxi fair, so have fun, wear a condom." And then she dashed off feeling that she had her bases covered, Logan's mind blocked out everything she said except the words mind blowing sex.

He was trying to put his chaotic thoughts in order but then James returned with a box of clean glasses which he deposited in a hurry, and this time he was glistening with sweat, obviously he cared more about not leaving Logan alone and less about taking his time and do his job professionally, he could have easily broken every single piece of glass.

"I'm back. Did you miss me?" He asked Logan with a grin.

"Didn't even notice you were gone…" But now Logan smiled back, with his mouth, with his eyes, he was getting into a game he hardly knew how to play in the first place, but the prize, that prize which made his body pump with life, it was worth any embarrassment, or an arm and a leg Logan had concluded.

"I take back my earlier statement, Jack's not stupid, you're just an asshole!" James though made it clear that he was joking because he started to laugh uncontrollably, Logan cursed the pop idol in the background coming out from the loud speakers, because James' laugh was the only music he wanted to hear.

"Are you flirting with me or do you want to hear about my ex because this is getting a tiny little bit confusing?" Logan took another sip of his whiskey James followed him with his own drink; they were both smiling and using the alcohol to drown down their laughter that just wouldn't stop.

"I can do both, you look like you could use both and I'm just here to serve. So talk, flirt, w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r you want…." Logan couldn't take it, he giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Okay let's take it from the top and if you see me fall into the pit of depression just…do whatever you want…"

"Sounds like a plan." But then more customers came up to James, right when Logan was about to open his mouth and James actually rolled his eyes pissed, he turned and pointed them over to his coworker's side lying that his shift hadn't started yet, the girl with the tattoos threw him a look when she saw them approaching, James threw a look back, end of discussion. No more interruptions James had more important things to do that night or at least he was working on it.

"So, I met Jack when I came to town for my internship, he's a bookstore clerk and I was searching for some resource material, I was looking for some hard to find books about anatomy…"

"BOOORING!" James suddenly interrupted and Logan's mouth gaped.

"Hey, I thought you were going to listen to my story!"

"Yeah, but can we please skip the chick flick? You met, it was love at first sight, you were picking out the china and a good adoption agency, blah, blah, blah! I want to hear the juicy parts!"

"Dude it wasn't like that! I didn't fall head over hills at the sight of him, he wasn't even my type!"

"And your type is….?"

"Fine! He was my type, exactly my type! Romantic, caring, smart, funny…"

"I get it, ideal boyfriend material. What I want to know is was the guy hot?"

"That's in the eye of the beholder." Logan sipped most of his drink down trying to avoid the question.

"Nope, that's just crap people say. See that blonde girl over there? She's hot! That guy dancing near the DJ? He's hot too. I'm umber, super hot, and you...underneath the mismatched clothes I bet you're a volcano ready to pop…" Logan's reaction to that was to bite his lower lip, tilt his head down and then up again cheeks flushed red, to meet James' hungry hazel eyes.

"What gives you that impression?"

"What? I'm wrong? That would be a first I'm never wrong about these things…"

"Cocky aren't you?"

"You have no idea…." That little bit of juicy information made Logan swallow, hard. It scared him a little how well James played this game, how easy it made it for him to flirt back with rivaling passion.

"Jack was just fine okay. Better than fine, I was the problem…" James laughed again; it pissed Logan off to no bounds.

"You don't have a very high opinion of yourself do you?"

"No, really it was my fault. He was romantic, kind, giving…"

"Boring..." James quickly added.

"Cut that out already!" Logan took his almost empty glass and banged it on the table making what remained of it spill, James took the opportunity to refill it ignoring the protest Logan gave with his eyes.

"Look at the mess you just made. Did Jack make you go like this? Spill all over the place?"

"It's all about sex jokes with you isn't it?"

"I want to know what to expect, I love it messy, but I hate it when it ends prematurely…"

"Do these lines actually pay off?"

"You tell me, am I making any progress? Do I get you hard or anything?"

"I'm not…"

"Do you want me to jump over the counter and make sure you're lying with my own hands, you little heartbreaker?"

"No…"

"Good, now drink up, I want that little tongue of yours loose."

"You just want to get me drunk…"

"Look at it this way, tomorrow morning you wake up with a splitting headache and a guilt free conscience."

"I haven't done anything to feel guilty about. Besides, Jack walked out on me over a fucking post-it!" Logan took his refilled drink shook it up a little and drenched some of his new found thirst.

"Do you actually know why?"

"We drifted apart. I lost myself in work. I want to be a brain surgeon and I need as much time in the hospital as it's humanly possible. But he knew what he was getting into from day one. That doesn't excuse his actions. I think he just got bored with me and left."

"Well, if you ask me it all comes down to one simple question. How was the sex?"

"Okay, I'm drawing a line here! I'm not telling you what went on in my bed!"

"Did you stop putting out or something?"

"Drop it…"

"I can't hear you. Speak up! Come on Doc, it's just a simple question. Did you and Jackie hop around like bunnies or not?"

"Fine! The sex was just fine okay! I didn't stop; we had a love life it just wasn't as intense as it used to be…"

"So, you were tired from work and he didn't know how to make you lose control after the mushy stuff died out."

"That's…that's preposterous!"

"And your reaction screams bull's-eye!"

"First of all I never lose control! It hurts more that way! And second…"

"Never lose…Oh, God! That's adorable! You need to be broken in! You haven't had real sex yet have you?"

"What does that even mean? I've been active since I was a teenager!" James shook his head trying to find the right words to properly explain.

"It means you hold back. And the number of lovers you had mean diddle squat if they didn't know what they were doing. I may flirt with every other person that walks in but I don't take all of them in my bed, I'm sort of picky about the quality."

"Ah, good to know, I take it then you wouldn't want to waste any more of your time with little inexperienced me then." Logan said it like he didn't care, but inside a fear gripped him, he wanted this, whatever this was, because James was right, no matter who it was he always held back one way or another, but if he had James just for one night, the night when he had the need to feel wanted and desired like never before, then he wouldn't bother holding anything back.

"I'm not wasting my time with you…there's something…" James leaned over trying to find the right words, it wasn't the twinkle he saw behind Logan's dark eyes, like a sparkle in a murky oil pool waiting for someone to throw a match in igniting an inferno, it wasn't that he could tell from the shoulders and the size of his chest that underneath the clothes Logan would look divine, it wasn't Logan's voice that called out to him like a primal song. Maybe it was all of those things but James felt there was something more, something indefinable and he was ready to jump off a cliff without a parachute or a rope just to find out what that something was.

"You're worth it, and if you aren't and I'm wrong, well, trust me you'll have fun at least for tonight…"

"Been a long time since I had any real fun…"

"How long are we talking about here?"

"A couple of mon…honestly I don't remember. Before Jack I guess way back when I was a hormonal horny teenager."

"Then no need to cry over him I say. Guy wasn't good for you; if he cared he would have made an effort."

"But we shared things, I loved him, I still do."

"And you'll love the next one too and the one that follows. Okay, you're sulking again. I need to cheer you up."

James grabbed a shaker and he mixed a quick cocktail with his back turned so that Logan wouldn't be able to see what the exact bottles that he used were. Logan felt a sudden anxiety grip him by the throat, because a part of him was actually feeling guilty but the dominant part of him couldn't take his eyes of James as he danced to the background music in the most sensual of ways. James kept on stirring and shaking wiggling his eyebrows slyly towards Logan and then finally when the mix was done he took two shot glasses and poured some in them.

Before he gave one shot to Logan he took a slice of lime keeping it between his fingers, Logan lifted his shot up and took a long whiff, he tried to recognize the ingredients but the only thing he got out of it was that there was some Bacardi in there and that was it. James lifted his own shot and then his beautiful face was distorted with lust.

"Bottom's up…" He gave Logan a nudge and Logan took a desperate breath before gulping the shot down knowing all too well this was the last step to insanity, it was liquid fire and burned his throat, he shook his head, his vision blurred for a nanosecond but his lips curled into a smile. James soon followed; he swilled his shot with a huge victorious grin on his face. He took the slice of lime put it between his teeth, held it there and then he leaned over the bench prompting Logan to take a bite. Logan didn't even hesitate.

Logan parted his lips and slowly nipped the tip, the sour taste of the lime snapped his mind into awareness, there was loud music, and flashing colored lights, and people around him and he was eating a piece of fruit from a stranger's mouth. Instead of stopping with shame and fear though once he felt James's lips graze his own he dived in for the passionate kissing game James wanted to play with him.

It wasn't a kiss really, it was a war. The lime was caught in the middle between battling tongues and sharp teeth. James flooded Logan's mouth with an intoxicating warm breath; Logan trapped the lime under his tongue making James fretfully dig for it. The music was too loud James couldn't hear Logan's moan he still felt it through connected skin like a vibration. As James finally liberated the lime and placed it into his own mouth he tried to pull back, he left Logan no choice. Logan threw an arm around James's muscled neck and pulled him back down forcefully. Logan's heart spiked and pumped with life, he couldn't feel his knees anymore, he could only feel James's invading tongue, and a pain between his legs as he felt his clothes constricting him, his skin was sweating bullets. Soon they were out of breath, and the lime was shredded to pieces and after each of them swallowed what they had won, they finally broke apart gasping for air.

Logan tried desperately to rein in his patted breathing his eyes had gone wild and there was a loud euphoric buzzing in his head, James started to laugh and Logan thought he was making fun of him, Logan's lustful expression changed to one of anger and James's laughter died in seconds, he looked at Logan shaking his head and biting his lower lip.

"Holy shit…okay…no way… no fucking way, you're telling me somebody had…"

"What?!" Logan made a gesture and pointed at his ear prompting James to speak up and stop mumbling. James didn't repeat the unstructured sentence, he just refilled the shot glasses and got a small bawl with various fruits out, this time he placed a slice of apple in Logan's mouth without even asking or waiting for permission Logan noticed that his hand, no, James's entire body was shaking. He almost dropped the new fruit out of uncontrollable snickering. The tongue war resumed, and there would be no prisoners.

Someone rudely asked James for a glass of beer, James was too busy licking the apple juice dripping out of Logan's mouth as the other refused to open up and kept on chewing away with a blissful coy expression lost in the taste of the succulent fruit, James pointed one finger over to his co-worker without even raising his head. Logan felt the tickling of James' tongue around his mouth, he had his eyes closed but he opened them wide when he felt James grab him by the arms and pulling him up from his stool by force, James couldn't control his strength or his excitement when he felt Logan's biceps flex, he squeezed as hard as he could, Logan gave a grunt out welcoming back James' tongue. Logan trailed his hands over James' flat chest; he grabbed his shirt trying to find something to hold on. When Logan pushed James back because his lungs were burning out due to lack of oxygen again, he took his shot and gulped it down because what remained of the apple slice could choke him to his death.

"I don't think I can keep up with the teasing any longer..." James didn't hear him, he read his eyes, he grabbed him by an arm and lifted the bar bench so Logan could come over to his side. Logan did with shaking legs, and then he followed him over to the back door that led to the kitchen. He could still hear the thundering music over his own wild heartbeat as James unlocked the storage room with a shaking hand. When James opened the door and Logan could only see pitch black darkness coming out of the room, James let him go and then with a mix of fear and determination in his burning hazel eyes said.

"After you…"

Logan was one step in when he felt James violently grab him from the waist and turn him around in order to smash their lips together, while he kicked the metallic door behind him shut. He lifted Logan up and hurled his back into a wall as his tongue met his time and time again, James grabbed Logan's wrists and pinned him there and Logan wrapped his legs around James' waist. Suddenly James stopped the violent kissing and pulled slightly back letting Logan's hands drop into the air but not releasing him from his embrace. Logan could barely see his form into the darkness; he still felt the pressure of James' gaze.

"Okay…this is your last chance if you want me to stop…?" Logan heard his voice husky but clear, a memory popped into his mind, Jack sleeping besides him while the sunlight crept in through the window blinds, but soon another thought followed, tomorrow he would wake alone, no loving wonderful romantic Jack by his side, because he walked out on him without even saying goodbye like a proper man. Logan wanted a man and for tonight, he wanted to be desired, and this incredibly beautiful sexual creature was ready to devour him. And how was he supposed to say no to that?

"Let's fuck like there's no tomorrow James…" If he had any strength left he would have screamed it too.

Logan took in James' tongue again setting the beast completely free, James let him slide down on the cold floor and then he followed him falling on his knees. Logan was half way done with completely unbuckling his belt when he felt James' hands pulling his pants down with force, he pushed back his shoes and he realized James didn't take off just the pants, he took the underwear off as well and Logan smiled with his new found freedom and threw off his long winter coat. James grabbed Logan's hands, he made him yank both their shirts off, and Logan felt through the sense of touch James' sculpted muscles and his glorious abs, and as his hands trailed down that wasn't the only thing he cupped because James had pulled down his own fly and part of his own brief.

"You weren't lying, you are cocky…" Logan fought the urge to take him in his mouth as he caressed him with a shaking palm but he restrained himself, he only did that on very few occasions during his adulthood and it had been far too long, so he feared that he was out of practice.

"And you're meaty…" James countered taking Logan in his hand, pumping him with force, making him mewl and groan with pleasure, and if that wasn't enough he fell on him diving into his mouth yet again. Logan pulled back and started biting on the broad shoulders, while James kissed his cheek and moaned in his ear.

"I'll make you forget…I'll make you forget the moron's name…" James took his own fingers in his mouth and he started coating them with saliva, Logan soon felt one making a few circles around his ring muscle and then diving inside, he pushed back his head and screamed from the hot intruding pain.

"What's wrong…?" James asked with worry but he kept his finger in and kept on wiggling it around.

"I don't usually…I usually top…"

"Not tonight…you'll bear me tonight…" And the index was followed by the middle finger, in and out and around Logan's walls until the screams Logan gave were replaced by pleads and desperate requests for James to rip him in half. James got up and before getting rid of his last remaining clothes he took a condom from his back pocket and as he prepared Logan bit his lip and flailed like a fish out of water body wrecked with anticipation.

"Hurry…fuck…fuck me…please…" James fell on the floor again he found Logan's legs wide open and stretched high in the air, he lowered his upper body while his lower half made circles around Logan's hole teasing him mercilessly.

"Whatever you want..."

"FUCK ME JAMES!" And with a playful whistle James nailed him on the floor.

James' pace was violent, erratic, after only a few thrusts Logan could even feel the base of the beast's lower abdomen. All in, in and out again, and again flooding Logan's senses with a sweet pain of pleasure he had never felt before in his life, he had bottomed in rare occasion but not like this, no one had ever filled him like this before.

His body reacted on instinct mostly, he writhed and moaned in James's ear, his hands trailed everywhere until he decided to lock them behind James' neck and pull him down and kiss his face all over, but after a few kisses he soon found himself licking him like a dog and James followed suit biting and marking Logan's neck.

"You taste good Logie…fucking amazing…" Logan was so lost in the sea of fiery lust that his first thought was who the hell this Logie person was.

James suddenly broke contact and Logan growled a long threatening no, James laughed playfully, he helped him up, he turned him around and wrapped one arm around Logan's waist, one hand down and around Logan's member, long strong fingers around him pumping him and making his body shiver. Logan tried to realign his entrance until he felt James's tip and then he opened himself wide; James plunged back right into his newfound paradise.

"Harder…harder..." Logan begged and his tongue met James' half way to a kiss, neither entered the others' mouth, the war tongue continued in mid air. Logan had one arm fisting James' hair and James took a bite of Logan's flexing bicep, then somewhere between violent thrusts it happened. James hit Logan's prostate.

Logan screamed and the burning hot pain drove him on the floor, on all fours, James fell on his back and long moans in Logan's ear escaped his lips. James slowed his pace; the thrusts became jabs that burned Logan from the inside out.

"Have you ever felt like that you little heartbreaker, tell me, do you like it…"

"Don't stop…whatever fucking happens please don't stop..."

Logan wanted this to last forever and James wouldn't be satisfied any other way, he was ready to change positions again when he felt his orgasm creep in and he cursed his body for the betrayal. He grabbed Logan's member once again and he picked up his pace and that's how Logan knew this was coming to an end. In an effort to stall it he even tried to pull away but James held him pinned in his muscled embrace.

"No! No! More! I WANT MORE!"

James pulled him up, his sweaty chest still on Logan's back and he kissed him using his mouth to stop Logan's insane pleading, for some reason he felt his heart break and scream, he released everything he so desperately wanted to hold in and the condom couldn't contain all of it so he pulled out almost immediately he barely made it on time, when Logan finally erupted in James' palm and on the floor like a river he let a heavy sigh out and kissed James again trying to pull himself back from the brink of an exhausting death.

James rested his head on Logan's shoulders as their shaking bodies tried to settle, his breathing was still ragged and his voice was still husky.

"And that Doc is what it means to be fucked without control…" Logan grinned slyly and nipped James's lips.

"Thank you…"

"My pleasure…"

After a few more burning slow wet kisses James got up and flicked the lights on, he saw Logan, a sweaty beautiful mess sitting on the floor trying to put his clothes back on and cover his gorgeous body, James saw some shame in his eyes and returned to his side and wrapped Logan's hand in his own without even knowing why.

"Hey, don't do that to yourself, we didn't hurt anyone here. He hurt you, you didn't hurt him. We just had some fun, and you deserved every second of it." Logan for the first time saw something that wasn't lust in the hazel eyes and his wrecked heart suddenly jolted in his chest, he knew what it meant but he denied it. He wanted to keep things simple, what happened was just a one night stand with a beautiful stranger that was all.

"Thanks." He mumbled and nodded his head. James dressed himself and got a comb out from his longer back pocket and after making himself presentable he fixed Logan's hair who stood still like a statue frozen by the gesture.

"Go get a glass of water, I need to mop a little in here." James pointed at the door with a smile but he saw that the fear and shame hadn't completely subsided in Logan.

"Sure thing…"

"Don't run away from me, if you want to leave I'm walking you out the door." And as Logan was about to turn the doorknob James kissed his neck and banished all the worries.

"Okay." Logan finally smiled and drove his wrecked body to the kitchen.

The music previously barred out returned booming only Logan now found himself tapping a foot following the rhythm. The girl with the tattoos came in like a storm and Logan lost all color, she deposed some dirty glasses in the dishwasher and turned to face Logan with a warm smile.

"All done?"

"Yeah…I'm sorry for…"

"Don't even say it. It isn't like this hasn't happened before; I'm used to it by now." She saw Logan make a face with the reminder that James was a slutty flirt and she cursed her own stupidity but then she noticed something and instead of apologizing she smiled.

"He made your hair."

"Yeah, why?"

"Nothing, he just made your hair. My name's Martha by the way but if you call me that in front of people I'll kill you. They call me Shiva when I'm on the clock, at least this week." And then she took her enigmatic grin and left before Logan could introduce himself properly. James returned and found Logan staring at the door.

"You okay?"

"Oh, everything's fine, Martha seems nice, a little crazy but nice…" James made a sort of panicked face; it was the first time Ms. Shiva The Insane gave her actual name to one of James' little special friends that spelled trouble for him later.

"So, do you want to go back to the bar or do you want to go home?" James' voice was actually casual now, but it didn't bother Logan much.

"Home, I can't stomach any more alcohol and I feel dead beat tired."

"I feel a little winded myself..." There was something in the way James said it, almost like a question, it didn't escape Logan and he gave him an arrogant chuckle.

"You think you can pull off the rest of your shift or was I a little too much for you to handle?"

"I'll be fine Doc, don't worry." James threw an arm over Logan's shoulder and he walked him outside the kitchen, then they circled the full dance floor and James led Logan outside from the main door, where the bouncer was now fighting off a line of people desperately trying to get in. The night air was cold, and the alley was dark save only by the club's neon lights but for some reason Logan felt safe in James' arms he wasn't afraid of going home now, he was just a little sad of having to let go.

"Let's get you in a cab."

"No I'll walk; I live a few blocks away actually."

"Then how come I've never seen you before?"

"I like Beethoven and Sinatra, you know boring stuff."

"I didn't bore you in there now did I?" James dropped his arm from Logan's shoulder and trailed it down his waist and then he wrapped the other one around him and smashed their chests together.

"No, totally worth my time, I forgot to pay you for the shots and the refill though." People were staring and Logan felt their judgmental looks piercing his back like arrows, he tried to pull away but James kept him there wrapped in his strong arms.

"No you did, and I loved your kind of currency…" He even shot his eyebrows playfully and Logan gulped from embarrassment.

"Okay, thanks for everything James…Goodnight…" He tried to pull back once more but James' face became serious, he leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"What's his name Logie…?" He locked him with the hazel eyes and they were refilled with lust and heat, even more so than before.

"Who's name…?" Logan asked and his face was distorted with new found hunger for James and James only. He kissed him and Logan kissed back and it was just as passionate like they were still in the back room having the time of their lives.

"Come play with me again…" James said as he let Logan go, Logan started to walk away faking a steady pace, he put his hands in the pockets of his coat but he didn't turn his back.

"I'll see what I can do…"

"Good, goodnight heartbreaker…"

"Goodnight bar boy…"

And they drifted apart slowly, each making their way back still lost in a rush that had nothing to do with the alcohol they had consumed. Their first time was easy, easy and simple and it left both of them feeling happy and accomplished. Not all of their meetings would end like this but their first one at least did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: Alright some minor plot and character development in this chapter, although I feel it's a little weak so I'd appreciate some reviews! Some things I need to clear up first, the story will be long and slow paced, I mean ten plus chapter long( if I see that people are interested in it of course) and even though there are many OC introduced here don't expect to see all of them in coming chapters, some will be in and out, some will have actual roles and will appear more than once, and maybe some showverse characters will make an appearance, Kendall's being a demanding little snot, but don't hold your breaths. Bear this chapter and I promise fun and games in chapter 3! See you soon!**

The time Logan woke up was high noon, body aching and sore in places that he would need his anatomy book in order to freshen up and recognize all the spots, it took him almost an hour to gather the strength needed to crawl up to the bathroom, and even though he had turned the water to icy cold in order to really wake his body, despite his best efforts he almost fell asleep standing in the tub.

Half an hour later and fighting his complaining stomach off he was stretched on the couch looking at the ceiling wondering how in blazes he would pull his late hospital shift. Then it hit him, the realization that the apartment was empty not due to the fact that Jack was off to work but because he was just gone, and Logan spend his night fucking with a stranger in a public place. He needed to talk to someone or else he would start planning his own suicide.

He took his cell phone and drove himself to the kitchen in order to cook an easy fast breakfast, while at the same time fighting the decision on who to call his family back home, his best friends or his lover and beg him to come back. When he saw that they were out of cereal and Jack had forgotten to write it on the board Logan made his choice.

"Good morning Dr. Mitchell, how can I help you today?"

"Hey, Peter…am I bothering you? How's the Looney bin…"

"Oh, you know the usual; I just dropped a guy who almost broke every bone in his body. He had the bright idea to move his couch up to the fourth floor with his fourteen year old son as the only help to save money from the moving company. So now I'm having my coffee break while Harry went to call Lisa and check on the baby…"

"Pete…okay…stop… I need to tell you something…" Logan was shaking, he took a sip from his hot black bitter coffee and even ignored that it burned his tongue, he needed the caffeine now as he desperately needed the alcohol yesterday.

"Logan are you okay? You don't sound so good…"

"Jack left…"

"What! What do you mean left?!"

"He left…we broke up…"

"Dude come on, I've been driving the ambulance for five hours straight start making sense! You couldn't have broken up, you were fine yesterday! I mean Nora and I, we're expecting you guys for dinner at my parents' this Sunday!"

"WE BROKE UP! HE LEFT! HE LEFT A POST-IT IN THE BEDROOM GRABBED A FEW CLOTHES AND WALKED OUT THE DOOR ALL RIGHT!" And now the banished tears returned and Logan was sobbing uncontrollably while Peter's mind finally realized the gravity of the situation.

"Logan…"

"Can't sleep alone for another night…can't do this anymore…I'm sorry…I love you…Jack…" He had torn it in his rage, but he remembered every single word on that damned piece of yellow paper and he would probably remember for the rest of his life.

"Fucking asshole! I'm going to put him in a body cask! Who does he think…."

"There's more…" Logan mumbled trying to rein his crying, wiping away tears that wouldn't stop coming.

"What? Tell me you found him and ripped his throat!"

"No…I went out…remember that club Nora wants us to go…The one down a street from the fish market…"

"Dude, if you went and got yourself wasted and you didn't call your home boy I'll be honestly offended." The joke actually worked Logan gave him a small nervous giggle and finally controlled his tears.

"Yeah…no…I sort of…"

"LOGAN HORTENSE MITCHELL YOU DID NOT HOOK UP WITH SOME STRANGER IN A CLUB!"

"WHAT!? HE DID WHAT!?"

"Oh, great, here we go…" And now his other best friend walked in, the one that took it upon himself to play the role of Logan's mother.

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

"I'm talking to the phone Harry…" This happened so often that Logan took the opportunity to start making toast.

"Give me that!"

"Good morning Harry…"

"DUDE MY PHONE!"

"Screw you! Hey! What's this crap I'm hearing about Mitchell!?"

"I said good morning Harry…How's the baby doing…?"

"Baby's being baby! Tell me you did not cheat on Jack with a random stranger Logan!"

"No, he didn't! No you didn't Logan! Give me back my phone fatso!"

"Go shoot some hoops back in the hood Sutner!"

"Seriously, racist jokes!? Well, your Momma's so fat that…"

"Harry, Jack left me over a post-it! Can I talk to Pete now?"

"What…"

"Oh, just give me my fucking phone back and go seat your fat ass in the ambulance Dalini!"

"Fine! Here! I WANT DETAILS LATER DOCTOR MITCHELL!"

"Yeah, yeah sure, I'll write an announcement and post it on the bulletin board…Is he gone…?"

"Yes! Now spill! You, heartbroken, Eden's Fall, and a random dude, go!"

"Eden's Fall?"

"The club's name! Seriously Logan, it's a ten minute walk from your house! You can even see the top of the building from the living room window how can you not know the name!"

Logan walked towards the living room with his back turned to every photo decorating the walls and avoiding Jack's gaze, he sneaked a guilty peek through the curtains and he could indeed see the building, he blushed and turned away because now the memories and the "random dude" invaded his mind and drove Jack and the painful heartache out in mere seconds.

"So, I went out to get drunk…"

"Were you wearing your black leather jacket?"

"What!? No! Stop interrupting me or I'll hang up and call Nora, or even better pass Harry back to me!"

"Okay I'm stopping! I just wanted to know how you got in that's all!"

"No I did not dress up! It was barely eleven thirty when I got there! Anyway, I got in and I was sulking in the bar corner in complete misery when this barman came to get my order and he was the most…"

"Holly shit…"

"Dude! What now!"

"You slept with James Diamond!?"

"Diamond? His last name is Diamond? Didn't even ask…Wait! How the fuck do you even know his name!?"

"YOU SLEPT WITH JAMES DIAMOND!"

"I didn't sleep with him! He's not here! I didn't bring him home! How do you know his name?"

"Man, why do you think Nora wants to go there! Her girlfriends went out for drinks and wouldn't shut up about him afterwards! The guy looks like a movie star only he flirts like a whore! He's like the club's publicity stand! Come to Eden! See our stud of an Adam! And what do you mean he's not there, did you just make out with him or something?"

"We…umm…he… "

"Logan did you have bathroom sex with the hot bartender?"

"…backroom storage…"

"Didn't hear you, speak up!"

"BACKROOM STORAGE!" Peter dropped the phone and the line was cut, Logan started breathing erratically, what exactly was he thinking yesterday, how did James manage in less than an hour to get into Logan's pants like that, making him lose control and have him plead for more, like some wild animal in heat? It wasn't even an hour, Logan wanted to fall on all fours the moment he saw him, shouldn't he have tried to work things with Jack first or at least talk to the man he shared more than a year of his life with before putting the coffin nails on their relationship. More troubled thoughts came to him as he ate his burned toast, and the echo of James' last words now haunted him as much as the emptiness of the house.

**"Come play with me again…"**

His cell started ringing, Logan checked the time, it took Peter only twenty minutes to stop flailing like a madman, give Harry a quick report, decide on Logan's next course of action and actually call back. Progress, Logan thought.

"Did you wear a condom?" And of course it wasn't Peter; it was Mother Harry Teresa who stole the phone again knowing Logan wouldn't answer if he called him using his own.

"No…" Logan said with an evil smirk plastered on his face, he couldn't really control himself.

"WHAT!?"

"What!? What did he say!? WHAT!?"

"I didn't wear anything; James nailed me on the floor, so he wore the latex."

"HERE! YOU TALK TO HIM! I DON'T KNOW THIS PORN STAR! JESUS CHRIST!"

"Why is Harry having a heart attack Logs?"

"I told him I bottomed…"

"Okay, a little too much information but good for you I guess…so does Diamond live up to the rumors or is he just all for show?" Before his mind could form a coherent answer, a long whined moan escaped Logan's lips; he even got hard just thinking about how amazing it felt yesterday.

"Fuck Logan, guy's that good?"

"Oh yeah…"

"But that was it right; you're not going to see him again? This was just a onetime thing? You still have to deal with Jack."

"He asked me and I quote to go play with him again…"

"Huston we have a problem…"

"I know right!"

"Okay, look, we can't have this conversation through the phone, what time do you get in?"

"Six, an hour before you guys punch out so no good today…"

"Damn…Okay, this is what'll we do, I'll go home eat something, rest a while and when you take your coffee break around midnight, I'll drop by and we'll talk then."

"Harry's going to bitch about it; no way can he leave the house at that time, Doreen is going to take his head with an axe and then ours for good measure."

"The fat man can stew! Besides, you need support and coaxing not a guilt trip!"

"Coaxing…?"

"Yeah, first day off you get you're going back to Eden!"

"Peter…"

"Bye slut, get some more rest, see you tonight!"

"No! I'm not coming out so you can rub it in! Forget it!"

"See you tonight!" And then he hung up while Logan banged his head on the fridge's door, he should have called Jack instead.

* * *

James was setting the bar stools making final preparations for the night trying to focus on his job while Shiva/Martha ignored him and refused to give him any help, instead she spread her tarot deck on the table with a scrutinizing expresion.

"Interesting…." James heard her but pretended otherwise.

"I said…INTERESTING!"

"No…"

"But it is."

"No, you're trying to mess with my head with your voodoo props and your psychology master I'm not falling for that one again, I learned my lesson."

"First of all the tarot isn't voodoo, second of all I haven't finished my thesis yet and third the world doesn't revolve around you James."

"Fine, I'm sorry, what's so interesting oh, great one that sees all?"

"Non believer." She said and returned to her task not throwing him a single glance. James rolled his eyes and sighed with frustration he slouched over to her side and tried another apology.

"Come on Marty; tell me what do the cards reveal about the future of the world."

"Will you heed their advice?" She asked with a sly smile.

"You said this wasn't about me." James countered with a grin.

"No, I said the world doesn't revolve around you, I didn't ask them about you. I asked them about your new friend from last night."

"And the psycho starts her analysis…" He turned his back in order to leave and then Shiva started talking loudly to herself or at least pretended to.

"First of all his card is The Magician, one that holds knowledge as his tool and tries to master his own destiny."

"Well, he is a doctor..." James humored her knowing that he shouldn't.

"And he has gone through Death recently meaning a cut of ties, he lost a relationship."

"Okay, I didn't talk with Brad and like hell did I tell Chelsea so how the fuck do you know that?" James often thought that since he had a big mouth and often bragged to his other two coworkers about his conquests, the bouncer and the waitress girl, word often came to Shiva's ears and that's how she grilled James later, but this time for some reason he was quiet about Logan, he couldn't fathom that he was so lost in his flirting yesterday to notice that she was in hearing distance for some of the conversation.

"I've had practice with this, it's my Romany blood."

"What Romany blood, you're from Illinois for crying out loud."

"We have settled there, but I have told you often, I have my dear departed grandmother's blessing and talent in this."

"Which one died? The one that send you flowers for your birthday last month or the one you called just the other day?" Shiva of course ignored him and kept flipping cards placing them in a cross like formation.

"The handsome young man is at the crossroads of destiny…"

"Do you want me to flip the lights and the smoke machine on Mrs. Le Fay?"

"The man is at the crossroads of destiny! The Fool and the Lovers are waiting in the corner, but…"

"The Lovers?" James asked with a sly big grin.

"That would be his ex, the card came upside down, you're represented by the Fool card."

"Ha, ha! Very funny!"

"No, it's symbolic although you are an idiot. The Fool is on a purposeless journey taking very little care and not noticing the perils." She pointed at various things depicted in the card like a blindfold and the cliff that the drawn man had one foot over but James had lost his patience with her mind games to pay attention.

"Can you cut the bull already and tell me what this about like a normal person you schizoid!?" She smiled and gathered her cards stacking them back again.

"You fixed his hair."

"Oh…umm…crap…you saw that…"

"You never bothered coming out at the same time with any of your other one night stands before, let alone use your silly lucky comb on them."

"Well, Logan needed the confidence boost." He turned his back on her to avoid her green eyes and started lighting the decorative candles hoping that she'd drop it.

"He's special isn't he?" She saw his body jolt and he turned to face her once more with an almost offended look.

"No! He's just…there's something all right and I don't know what that is! But one moment he's so fragile and the next he's…I don't know…like a hungry wolf ready to devour me, I stepped in the backroom with him to have a good time and he…he took me head on, with the same passion…and somehow I knew he had it in him from the moment we started flirting…" She just nodded her head and smiled warmly.

"Is he coming back?"

"Didn't your cards tell you?" James countered.

"Yes and I got The Wheel Of Fortune that means the story has yet to unfold, what does your whoring experience tell you?"

"I don't know…I asked him…"

"That good huh? Chelsea is not going to like that. She hates it when you rub them in."

"Well, Chelsea should mind her own business, she's not and will never be my girlfriend, we just slept together once, she should have gotten over it by now."

"Yeah but she's a bitch, so you have to watch out, and Logan is probably wrecked with guilt over you and his ex, do you actually know anything about him, or her or whatever."

"Who? The moron who had that spit fire of a man and dumped him with a post-it? Yeah, even I know better, I call to cancel on my sex buddies and don't sneak out like a thief…"

"And Logan is just that to you, a new intriguing sex buddy?"

"We'll see, if he comes back first and he's willing to go for another round…"

"I think he will, there's a connection between you now, the red thread of destiny, just try not to get yourselves tied by the throat with it."

"That made like no sense at all."

"Go tell Brad that if Logan shows up to let him in and be on the lookout for him so he doesn't have to wait in line, stupid!"

"Oh…but Brad only caught a glimpse of him when I walked him out…"

"Describe him then! And I'll have another talk with Chelsea and I'll tell her Logan's boyfriend material, she'll back off or at least try and restrain herself."

"But I don't want a boyfriend…I'm too hot for just one person!" And then he flexed his muscles at her making her roll her eyes.

"Yeah, but she doesn't need to know that. And if Logan does come back set the rules for him, he doesn't seem like the booty call type to me."

"Logan isn't what he seems trust me…"

"RED THREAD OF DESTINY! Right there!"

"You should stop reading fantasy books; you're a grown woman maybe you'll get a boyfriend that way."

"It's from a manga asshole but like you know the difference! Now can you go bring me some Vodka bottles, we're out."

"Whatever you say Glenda!"

"I preferred the Le Fay nick name or Fata Morgana that'd be awesome…but I just changed my facebook to Shiva…"

"If I splash water on you will you melt?" James trailed off, but his mind was still on Logan, one thing was for sure he wanted him to come back and explore their physical connection even further, if the cards actually worked and had given him fair warning he would have thought about it twice before jumping off the cliff.

* * *

The cold night wind and some dancing snowflakes came in the cafeteria across the hospital Logan worked in accompanying him as he entered. His mind was still lost on medical charts and family histories and the symptoms of hay fever to even notice Peter sitting in a corner booth, so Peter was forced to raise a hand and signal him, the moment he sat down Peter shot his mouth.

"You look like a mess!"

"What did you expect? I don't even know how I've managed half of my shift in the E.R…Coffee black…"

"And an omelet special. Thanks!" Peter added quickly before their waitress left, the food wasn't for him of course but for Logan, knowing that the only food his friend would have consumed all day would be meager if any.

"So?"

"So what?"

"So, did you call Jack or anything?"

"No, and he didn't call either…"

"Still can't believe he's doing this to you Logan, you deserve better…Your work is more demanding, you pay for most of the rent…"

"Yeah…I take care of him but he used to do it too…Roses and candle light dinners and long walks…Oh, God!"

"NO! Don't cry! No tears! He should have come up to you with your problems! Not vanish on you like this!"

"He didn't vanish Pete…I know where he's been all day! Work! I could have gone there and face him or…"

"Beg for him to come back? Oh, please Logan! Are you even listening to yourself? I love the man but that's some very shitty attitude his giving you! You deserve better!"

"Yeah, I keep hearing that, I called my parents and my sister, they think I should throw the rest of his stuff out in the first garbage truck I see…"

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"What does Harry say?" Thanks…" The moment the food was served Logan realized how famished he was and started gulping it down like a starved wolf.

"That this is a break and you'll patch things up eventually, you know him he's old fashioned and romantic. I say you should take the opportunity and re-evaluate the relationship and get back at him for what he's doing to you, stretch your legs in the game…" He smiled slyly and Logan knew that they've reached the "James" topic; he checked his beeper to see if he could use it as an excuse and make a run for it, but unfortunately no dice.

"Did you talk to Nora about him?"

"Yeah, she says you'll be an idiot if you don't jump on the opportunity, also she hates you for scoring with James Diamond!"

"You and your girlfriend are a very odd pair of people you do know that right?"

"We have an understanding you can look all you want as long as you don't touch. She's my one and only and I'm her man."

"I thought Jack was my one…"

"We all did, and he may yet be, but right now you need a change of pace, it's obvious by the fact you did the nasty with a stranger last night."

"Pete the thing with James…it scares me all right…he got under my skin real quick…"

"Okay let's look at this objectively; are you in love with Jack?"

"I…think so…I miss him…"

"Are you planning on seeing him any time soon? Go after him or call him to get the rest of his crap or whatever?"

"Not yet…part of me wants to rip his fucking head off…"

"Then its official you are currently single, which leads us to…"

"James."

"Yup, instead of sulking and going back and forth with guilt you can have some fun with no attachments."

"Seriously if I didn't know you and Nora were trying to pick a church for your wedding I'd say you two are major pimps."

"It has nothing do with you I'm trying to piss Harry off!" After a full minute of laughter Logan finally settled and went solemn again.

"What if Jack comes back or I get emotionally attached to James, or what if James was just being flirty and I mistook it for an invitation?"

"Or what if it's the return of the camp whore and you actually can be yourself for once?"

"WHY THE FUCK DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT!?"

"You were drunk and we were playing Truth or Dare, which reminds me be careful with the alcohol we want you to have some good time not join A.A."

"Like you have to tell me about liver failure! Dude, you bring the trouble in the Looney Bin I fix it!"

"And that God complex of yours is why you hung out with the ambulance drivers instead of your fellow doctors. Anyway, do you know when your next day off is yet?"

"Saturday, in three days."

"Then Friday night you're going club hopping or better yet bartender hopping! I actually work but Nora offered to be your wingman if you want."

"No thank you, I need to do this alone I can't even believe that I kissed James in public. If someone I know is actually looking at me I won't be able to do anything…"

"Okay but you need to dress up this time! Get the leather jacket out, spike up your hair…"

"Remind me again, I'm the gay guy in the group right?"

"Oh, shut up white boy! You need some swagger if you want this to become a thing!"

"I want seconds…I don't know if I want it to become a thing…"

"Yeah, yeah let's take it one step at a time! Make sure James isn't good for only one night. See if he can ruffle you up again."

"Trust me, every time I think about him…I get all excited…"

"That's it then, Friday you have a date in Eden. And it's about time I head home and you actually go save some lives. See you tomorrow afternoon at the gym right? "

"Yeah, sure. Thanks for coming bro; I know you had a Hell of a day, I appreciate it." They stood up at the same time Logan paid the waitress and took another coffee to go; he still had six hours of work left.

"I know you do Logan, you're a wonderful person we all want to see you happy. You deserve it."

"James said something similar…"

"Sounds like my type of guy."

"Harry's going to hate him for sure, which reminds me how come he hasn't called to check on us?"

"Oh, I called his house and let the phone ring a couple of times when I saw you coming across the street; he's probably still trying to put the baby back to sleep."

"Dude! That's just awful!"

"Ah, he'll live; it's his cholesterol that's going to kill him eventually. That's why I have you as my back up best man, in case he doesn't make it to the wedding just to spite me."

"Whatever! I'm telling him it was you."

"Really! And here I am trying to help you out!"

"You and Nora are just trying to pimp me..."

"It's your true calling and you know it! How many guys did you suck again that summer? I remember it was double digits…"

"SHUT UP AND GO HOME ALREADY!"

"Yeah, okay, goodnight Logan. Take care. BUY A LOLLIPOP FOR PRACTICE!" Logan gave a laughing Peter the finger as he crossed the street, while he wondered if he could find the time to buy a pair of leather gloves to match his jacket for Friday night. He denied himself the lollipops for now at least.

* * *

The following morning Logan was thankful that the night went smoothly in the hospital without any sudden cases and he was finally able to go home and collapse, he didn't think of James and he didn't think of Jack, he was coming up the first few stair steps mind blank when somebody called out to him.

"Excuse me Mr. Mitchell?" It was just one of his neighbors and she was right in front of the mail boxes, he didn't even know her name, Logan had no time for social pleasantries with the life he lead, too busy to even say "hello" to any of them really.

"Hi…you are…?"

"Drew, I live in 2-B, well, at least for another week, I just wanted to give this to you." She gave Logan one of those science magazines he was so fond of and had monthly subscriptions to, for a moment his heart skipped a beat, he thought it was something life changing like an apology letter from Jack.

"Thanks…"

"The new postman keeps mixing our boxes for a couple of months now you know, it's not that hard. The guy probably doesn't know how to read or something. I usually pass them to Jack but since I ran into you…"

"I'll leave him a note, sorry for the inconvenience…Good day, thanks again."

"Mr. Mitchell can you pass a message for me?"

"Call me Logan…"

"Logan, just in case I don't see him can you tell Jack I won't need him for my move, he promised to help out but my brother will be in town actually so thank him for the offer, it was sweet of him…"

"Actually he…Sure I'll tell him, don't worry. Sorry but I need to go to bed, I had a long night Drew. Thanks for holding this for me; sorry to hear you're leaving. I am not exactly a model neighbor."

"Me neither really, so don't worry about it…" She made a certain face, a mix of awkwardness and embarrassment, Logan gave a tired sigh, he thought he was too rude on the poor girl, so he gave her a warm smile thanking her again and she gave a smile back wishing him a good day.

They climbed the stairs together and parted when she reached her door; Logan went another floor up and entered the apartment cursing Jack for his cruel kindness. He went to bed counting the seconds to Friday; it couldn't come fast enough, so James could make him forget again the kind bastard's name.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: Well, here we are again! There's not much to say except I wished that I had this ready sooner and I hope you all like it, once again I want to thank you all, the people that favorite, follow and review this story, I know most of you have school, or jobs now that summer is over and I appreciate it. You hang in there I'll do the same! Enjoy!**

The three days passed almost uneventful for Logan, he was called for a surgery which he aced, Harry tried to change his mind and even got him to walk as far as the street where the bookstore Jack worked was in but Logan didn't make it to the door, he turned back and bought a new pair of black pants and leather gloves to match his jacket instead. Nora came to his house for coffee when their schedules allowed it, she cut his hair and showed him how to spike it up while she grilled him to the point that Logan even told her the positions James got him in. She laughed, he blushed but the excitement he felt building up sealed his conviction.

And thus after a morning shift in the hospital where Harry didn't even say good morning to him and Peter teased him to no end Friday night finally came. Logan had a good long afternoon nap, filled his stomach with takeout food, dressed himself up hours before he really had to, but as the night slowly descended he found himself rooted on the couch staring at his cell phone, if Jack didn't call him by eleven he would be out the door without a second thought, at least that's what he told himself.

The time ticked by slowly, and there was too much silence, the place became darker and more asphyxiating that it had been for the last few days but Logan didn't move from his seat, five more minutes, he repeated to himself until it was almost midnight when he finally had enough. He went to the message screen and typed a short text to Jack.

"You have one week to take your crap out of my apartment or I'm throwing it out, and I better not be here when you do it, you want my work schedule call Pete! Oh, and fuck you asshole! I deserve better!" He threw his cell on the couch and sprinted to the door, he heard it ringing while he was locking up but he just smiled an empty smile, he was fuelled by a mix of hate and satisfaction and lust, lust for the stranger he couldn't wait to see again.

He was out of the building and standing in the back of the club's long waiting line in less than a quarter of time, his entire body was a burning furnace, if the bouncer shot him down he was prepared to deck him. When he finally reached the door after what seemed like an eternity, the muscle build giant didn't even look at him, he looked at his guest list instead.

"Name?"

"Ummm…"

"Off you go!"

"I'm Logan, a friend of…James'…James Diamond." The bouncer raised his head and looked at him from head to toes, trying to match the face James had described to him the other day, and then he curled his lips into a sly grin.

"You're the Doc right? You were here the other night?"

"Yeah…"

"What's your last name?"

"Mitchell, Logan Mitchell." He wrote the name down in his guest list and with a wink he lowered the rope separating the entrance from the line and opened the door for Logan.

"Step right in Doctor, your patient has been expecting you…" Logan was all smiles and didn't even blush, he just thanked him fixed his jacket playfully and walked in his pleasure garden.

The music was louder but Logan didn't find it remotely annoying this time, he saw the sea of people dancing on the floor, laughing, making out, gulping down their drinks and he felt like they were kindred spirits in some way, after all they were just people like him trying to forget their problems for one night, a little too extravagantly maybe, but who was he to judge especially tonight.

He made his way to the bar and froze up a few meters away when he saw that all the seats were taken; he caught a glimpse of Shiva serving drinks and laughing with a small group at her corner but he couldn't see James, his side was full of customers that Logan noticed with dread were all young beautiful people crowding over him waiting to be served by the most captivating creature that Logan had laid eyes on. He felt his heart plummet and his fiery lust was replaced by a sudden wave of jealousy.

"What the fuck am I even doing here…?" He mumbled to himself and he couldn't take another step, somebody pushed him, he almost fell, then the waitress appeared out of nowhere and tapped him in the back.

"Hey! You're in the way!"

"Sorry! I…"

"Do you have a table mister?"

"No I just got here…"

"Then find your friends or order something up but move, you're standing to close to the dance floor." Her skin was dark chocolate and she had long black straight hair, she would look like a model only she had a more athletic body type, Logan's first thought was that she was what James would consider hot. He threw another quick glance over to the bar and he finally saw James but he hardly recognized him, he was ten times more breathtaking than before, shining like a star amongst mortal men. Logan bit his lower lip and shook his head with a defeated smile.

"I'm actually going to go…"

"Whatever floats your boat, goodnight." They left on opposite directions, now Logan slouched, back hunched, head down, even his jealousy evaporated, it was replaced by a cold that rivaled the winter wind outside, he wasn't good enough for Jack and he felt he wasn't good enough for James either, or anybody else for that matter. For some mysterious reason he thought he was going to spend the rest of his days worthless and alone.

He was one foot out the door when the bouncer turned away from the line of people and threw an arm over in order to stop him.

"What, you're leaving already?"

"Yeah, it's Friday…James is too busy…"

"Did he tell you that?"

"No he didn't even see me…anyway thanks for letting me in goodnight…"

"Oh, for God's sakes…" The bouncer rolled his eyes and threw an arm over Logan's shoulder pinning him there; he took his phone out and made a quick call without even putting the device on his ear. Logan looked at him dumbfounded but the other man just smiled.

"I told you, he's been expecting you Doc! He's just busy right now, go right back in."

"But…"

"Dude, don't argue with me, if I let you leave James is going to maim me later!" Logan was at a loss of words, he couldn't decide where to go, he finally turned back towards the door to find it open and James smiling excitedly on the other side.

James grabbed him by the waist and pulled him up for a long wet kiss, Logan almost fainted by the sudden loss of air and the sudden explosion in his chest as his heart burst and pumped with new life, James pulled away after a long tongue dive, but as soon as Logan took some oxygen in his lungs he grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him right back and it was James' turn to fight for air.

The bouncer cleared his throat loudly reminding them they were blocking the entrance and Logan finally broke the kissing after taking a quick nip off James' lips.

"There you are…" James growled not letting Logan go and Logan nodded with a wide lustful grin, James threw an arm over his back sending jolts of electricity up his spine and prompted him back into the club while he turned his head over to his coworker and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"Thanks Brad, I owe you one."

"De nada J.D have fun. Alright next! What's that you're wearing? Take a hike!"

James led Logan to the nearest free available table closest to the bar and gave him a nudge to sit, Logan's idiotic playful smirk died when he saw various people glaring at him with glowing green malice in their eyes but James either didn't notice them or simply didn't care.

"Alright, it's Friday so the place is stacked but you can sit over here and if a bar stool empties I'll hold it for you. What can I get you sexy?"

"A beer please but I'm paying for it properly this time, with actual money." James lowered his head towards Logan and licked his lips.

"Is your wallet leather too, you kinky pervert?"

"Maybe…go back to your post the other customers are drooling all over you, you have to keep your clientele happy or you'll lose your job."

"Let them drool, I only care on satisfying one person tonight, the one that pays me in kind because say whatever you want you're paying me in kind…"

"Oh, just go away!" Logan pouted and blushed and James returned back to the bar, Logan now though had a clear view of him and couldn't take his eyes off.

So what if he was surrounded by beautiful people and so what if James smiled and laughed and flirted with almost all of them, they wouldn't taste the sweetness of his lips or feel the softness and the warmth of his skin, and James wouldn't fill any of their bodies, those pleasures were reserved for Logan and Logan only, at least for one more night, Logan just had to wait, wait and fight for it.

The rude waitress returned with his beer and banged it on the table snapping Logan back to reality; she obviously seemed ticked off and when Logan realized she was jealous his expression hardened.

"How much?"

"It's on the house, courtesy of the bar." Her tone and body language confirmed his suspicions; Logan smirked and got his wallet out, he gave a small chuckle to himself, it was indeed leather, and he was indeed a pervert.

"Yeah, whatever." He gave her a twenty and ignored her coldly when she tried to give him his change back; he preferred to watch James move and feeling the excitement and the rising heat flood over his body again.

"He does this often you know, you're not special." She crossed her arms on her chest and kept hovering above him; Logan drowned the urge to tell her to fuck off because she was distracting him from enjoying his view.

"Oh, I know I just don't give a fuck, can you get me some chips?"

"Of course SIR!" She stomped off; Logan raised his beer to James' direction and sipped victoriously after making sure James was looking at his way. Let the games be afoot.

Minutes passed, and then an hour, James tried to find a window of opportunity to break free and ran to Logan's side with intentions of sweeping him off his feet, but the people wouldn't stop coming and he was neck deep with orders, the worst part of all was Logan. He had his eyes pinned on James with the most lustful expression James had ever seen on a man.

Logan didn't even notice the passing time, he kept on undressing James mentally, he was smiling coyly, his body was slouched back on his chair like a leisured king, he made dirty gestures with his beer bottle every time he caught James' hazel eyes looking at him. He had decided to play with any means necessary until he could get his hands on the prize again.

And then at some point some customers gave James a free shot, he lifted it up and gave them a toast and then repeated the move over to Logan, but Logan didn't mimic the gesture, he raised his index finger and pointed it over the bulge contained in his pants hoping James could see the move in the low lighted room. James gulped his shot and smashed the glass on the floor because he had enough of Logan and his merciless teasing.

"James!" Shiva snapped but James shook his head, skin flushed red, nostrils flaring.

"I'm cleaning this and then I'm taking a break!"

"James, can you just wait for another hour? It's a packed house!" She of course didn't mind the extra work load, every night James was more than a professional and a good co-worker, he was always on his best behavior, he did all the heavy lifting, stayed to clean the place after sometimes until noon, he even gave Shiva a small share of his tips because he didn't actually need the extra money or the job really. This was just his way to piss his family off, his mother in particular; he worked for the perks and right now Logan was pushing all his buttons and he was ready to explode, everything else was a hazy blur in his mind.

Logan was moving his head to the music's tune, he saw James dash and vanish behind the kitchen door and then he returned with a broom. Logan erupted with laughter, he didn't see what James had done but somehow he knew it was because of him and his constant foreplay.

James cleaned the floor and then he abandoned his post garnering disappointed stares from his patrons, he stomped over to Logan and gave a hand out.

"We're dancing!" Logan could tell that he was genuinely angry but it was also evident by the piercing hazel eyes that James was wrecked with desire, and Logan wondered why he couldn't feel any guilt or shame over his juvenile behavior.

"I don't know how…" He was telling the truth but his tone came out mocking, James grabbed his arm and pulled him up from his seat.

"Yeah, sure you don't!" Logan felt James's breath on his face, hot and blazing, he went for a kiss but James pulled away.

"Oh no, first we dance, I'm evening the score…" James applied force to his grip making Logan mewl, a mix of pain and pleasure, because he had missed the force James' strong arms had when he bruised him the other night, when he had him pinned on the backroom's wall and at his mercy, and then James shoved him on the dance floor like a rug doll, but Logan still couldn't wipe away his grin.

Logan turned his head around, he was surrounded by bodies that did so effortlessly what he couldn't, let themselves go and dive into complete freedom, and Logan just stood there feeling lost, his body was still, stiff, he was a statue or a shadow of a man. James came up to him with a certain grace, a feline's grace not a cat's though, a panther's or a lion's circling his prey. James slowly lifted an arm, and he trailed it over Logan's back, he moved his hips in small round circles grazing Logan's lower half, and he suddenly pulled him up smashing their upper bodies together.

"Move Logie…" He bent his knees and lowered himself down and then up again, he threw the other arm trailing it over Logan's flat chest, he bit his lower lip, he eagerly waited for Logan to follow the rhythm.

"Relax Doc, close your eyes, and listen to the music…" Logan nodded and he did what he was told, he copied every move he could using the feeling of touch, he grabbed James by the waist in an effort to hold on because James had picked his pace up. Their heartbeats spiked and through their connected bodies they felt the drumming echo, James started humming the background song into Logan's ear. Logan's breathing became harder, patted, he suddenly felt that his lungs were crushing in his insides, he needed air, he couldn't breathe, he went for a kiss trying to steal it from James' mouth but James pulled back once more.

"No, not yet beautiful…" James licked his lips, the tip of his tongue touching Logan's lips, he trailed his hands over on Logan's sides and Logan let go of James' waist and crossed his own arms around James's neck, trying to move with him to the music.

"That's better, you're doing great, see…" James surged himself down on Logan's body and Logan felt him big and throbbing underneath their constricting clothes.

"You're so hot…God…you're so hot James…I want you…"

"I know…try to hold on…soon…" James leaned over, he dived into Logan's mouth and their tongues started following the raging beat, massaging each other, tasting each other, setting their bodies on fire.

"You feel so good…" Logan broke the kissing and turned the other way, now his back was coming up and down and around James' chest, his ass though was glued on James's crouch.

"That's the spirit baby…let yourself fall…I got you…" James had one hand over Logan's abdominal, he unbuttoned a few buttons of Logan's shirt, and he started rubbing his hand over Logan's abs while he nipped on his ear.

"James…there are people…"

"Do you want me to stop...?"

"No, please don't, I'll die if you stop…" Logan let his head fall on James' shoulder giving him full access to his neck and James of course appreciated the gesture and started devouring him, marking him with his teeth.

"Fuck, you taste so good…" Logan took a bite of his cheek showing him he felt the same way and he fisted his chestnut hair making James grumble and moan, now they were dancing on a song only they heard and not the one coming out from the speakers, the oldest song in the history of the universe, the song of life, the mating song.

"Get a room!" Chelsea growled as she banged her tray on the bar counter but Shiva didn't bother with her.

"And the Wheel keeps on spinning…" She said with a smile as she saw James grab Logan by an arm leading him back towards the bathrooms.

They stormed in the men's restrooms kissing and latched onto each other breaking the contact of their tongues only in order to growl like the hungry beasts they were. A man came out of a stool and looked at them with a face ready to puke, James broke contact shoved Logan in the now unoccupied booth, smiled his dirtiest of smiles and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Thanks!" Then he jumped after Logan and slammed the door behind him.

Their hands were trailing all over their heated bodies while they kissed abandoning most of their mouths; they only used their tongues once more to express their ravaging lust.

James yanked his shirt midway but he didn't take it completely off and this time there was enough light in the room that allowed Logan to fully see the sculpted upper body, he shook his head and bit his lips desperately trying to catch his breath but before he could praise James for his beauty James started unbuttoning the rest of Logan's shirt between tongue licks and moans.

"You're perfect…you're a god…"

"You're not half bad yourself Doc…" After James undid Logan's shirt leaving it open so he could have access to Logan's milky blazing skin, he proceeded with Logan's zipper while Logan stole kisses as he tried to free James from his own pants. He was half way there when they heard the bathroom door open, somebody entered the other unoccupied stool, they broke contact and looked at each other with crazy eyes, James gave Logan a shushing gesture but Logan just smiled took off the rest of James's pants, lowered the brief down to James's knees, and after letting out a long loud excited moan he grabbed James by the thighs and resumed their animal kissing, the poor man that came in just to take a leak dashed out banging the door behind him. James slapped Logan's now naked ass and looked at him with a mixture of shock and amusement.

"That wasn't very nice; you're a bad, bad boy Doc…" Still he was smiling reflecting Logan's scandalous grin.

"Yeah I need help; I need you inside of me…"

"Sorry baby, tonight we dance, we just dance…" James smashed their bodies together his hands gripped Logan's leather jacket and he used it to zero the distance every time Logan dared to break free for air, James started to surge slowly, rhythmically on Logan's exposed body, and Logan's mind went blank as he felt James rubbing himself on him, his member on his own, he just stood still again only this time it was because of the sudden wave of pleasure, because of the unbearable inferno building up underneath his skin.

"Come on Logie dance with me….like you did before...I have you…I'm here…let go…" Logan thrust his hips forward, once, twice and then he build a rhythm, a pace following the music echoing through the walls James picked it up with every part of his body.

After an eternity that only lasted for a minute James was no longer satisfied with the surging, he took Logan in one hand and started moving his wrist with speed, the other he placed on Logan's heaving naked chest feeling the raging heart beating to the verge of explosion, Logan kissed him and continued moving his body on James's command, he moaned in his mouth while he wrapped his own hand on James' member wanting to share the unbelievable sensations James bestowed upon him. They mewled and writhed and their climax came without any real warning, almost simultaneously, they exchanged wet hot streams that fell everywhere like rain, painting each other's half naked bodies. Logan felt dizziness; he collapsed his sweaty forehead on James' shoulder trying to settle before it was too late, his hand covered with James, his wrist still moved on its own beyond his control, trying to get more out of James like his coated hand wasn't nearly enough, he let go only when James went completely soft in his palm.

"What the fuck was that…?"

"A proper jack off, because you're a big teasing jerk and you had it coming…" James whispered in his ear, Logan raised his head; James had to kiss him to stop his uncontrollable laughter.

James took some rolled paper and cleaned himself up, he fixed his clothes and got out of the stool, he went to the sink and as he was splashing water on his face Logan without really thinking about it, took the opportunity of his turned back and licked some of the cum that still remained on his coated hand, then he buttoned himself up and went to the second sink.

"Thanks for the dance lesson…"

"Stop thanking me Logan, it's all inside of you, I just bring it out and trust me I enjoyed this as much as you did…" Logan nodded and dried his hands and as they were about to leave the bathroom James suddenly erupted with laughter making Logan freeze.

"You have a jizz stain on your pants!"

"Oh crap!" Logan turned to go back to the sink but James stopped him, he took Logan's tucked away shirt off and he used the lower half of it to cover the stain, Logan just stared in his shining hazel eyes and the caring smile and he lowered his head to hide his blushing cheeks.

"Th..."

"I just told you not to say that Logie, you don't have to, not to me at least. And don't be ashamed of what we do, we're just two adults having some fun, we're not hurting anyone with our games are we now?" Logan read behind the question, what James was really asking was if Logan had reconciled with Jack or not, he faced him half offended half amused.

"No, we're not. And isn't it a little too late to worry about the consequences now James? I'm not using you to two-time on Jack. I'm here because you asked me." He pulled back and James had a grin on his lips that Logan wanted to punch right out of him and if he had any strength left he would have done it too.

"Good, I just needed to make sure because with you nothing is as it seems. Come on let's see if there's a seat on the bar for you, I want to talk to you about something."

"That's okay, you're still on the clock and frankly Mr. Diamond you don't have to explain anything, you're right I'm not a kid." Logan was about to leave not just the restrooms but the club too, but James grabbed him by the waist turned him around and kissed him forcefully on the lips.

"Fuck man, calm down, I didn't mean to insult you! I want to break the rules for you so we can do this on a regular basis! Do you want that or don't you?" Instead of answering Logan kissed him back and when he got out of the bathroom he had his hand linked in James', squishing it for dear life.

The place had even more people than it did before, but thanks to Shiva who had reserved a spot for Logan as soon as she saw one empty Logan was seated on James' side of the bar once more. James returned to his job and they both took the opportunity to calm themselves down, almost an hour later James gave Logan another beer and even though he was smiling his eyes and body language were dead serious.

"Alright I jumped the gun, I'm sorry you have every right to want to know if I'm back with him or not and you don't really know what kind of person I am either."

"That's okay, I should have asked before you got in the club. To tell you the truth I've done the cheating thing, not planning on doing it ever again, I don't like to come between people that have something going on for them. So, I take it you and Jack are over right?"

"I think so…We're not getting back together any time soon I can tell you that much."

"Alright I can live with that, just let me know if you do, that's rule number one, I'm not asking for exclusivity but there are a lot of sexual transmitted diseases out there so a heads up is appreciated."

"Yeah, you're talking to a doctor over here barman; I take it I have to trust that you won't be sleeping around with other sulking customers if we do this right?"

"Yeah, pretty much, but I can totally understand if you want to back down now. As you saw tonight I have a lot of admirers…" Chelsea came up to them at that exact point glaring daggers at both of them and she gave James enough orders to keep him occupied for another twenty minutes or so, Logan gave a chuckle to him as he poured one drink after the next and he gestured towards her.

"And this is Exhibit A I take it?" They both laughed, she turned to Logan with intentions to kill.

"What's that supposed to mean sir?!"

"It means we're in the same boat sweetheart. You said he does this often earlier. Does he do it with more than one person at a time?" Logan asked her in front of James, James just smiled and didn't even look at her, she didn't even think before answering even though she could ruin everything right then and there, she was a lot of things, a liar she was not.

"No. If you really want to know he takes one sex partner at a time until he gets bored which happens easily and then you get the boot, except of course it's a "party" but that's a whole different story." She smiled wickedly at James whose eyes dilated with panic Logan started laughing like a madman.

"Good to know! Thanks!" Logan said as he banged his fist on the bar table trying to rein his laughter in, Chelsea was smiling like the cat that swallowed the canary whole and James' expression had murder written all over it.

"What? He asked! Not my fault you're a slut! He deserves to know what he's getting into! I didn't!"

"Thanks Chelsea! BYE CHEALSEA!" James stacked her tray with orders and she left all smiles.

"Harridan…" Shiva mumbled from behind eavesdropping in the conversation again, but no one heard her.

"Party? Like an orgy…Oh, God, you're the text book definition of slutty bartender aren't you?"

"Stop laughing pervert or I'm not inviting you to my next one!"

"I wouldn't come anyways!"

"You'd come alright, with me you'll do everything, especially come and spill all over, didn't we just cover that?"

"Are we going for round two now or are we going to talk seriously pretty boy?"

"Can't handle round two tonight, sorry you drained me jerk. That brings me to another thing, we need to exchange numbers or something, surprises are good but with our work schedule we may need to plan ahead."

"That's more than fine with me and no hard feelings if one of us is busy or cancels right?"

"Right and you don't have to share personal stuff with me, not unless you want to, I won't press you, and you won't press me. That's pretty much the biggest difference between dating someone and having a free thing with him. We keep our lives separate and we don't have any expectations from each other. Can you handle that?" Logan took a moment to run the rules through his head and make sure he got everything right, make sure he could follow them, he didn't want to end up hurt again especially since the heartache Jack had inflicted upon him for apparently no good reason hadn't completely subsided yet, there wouldn't be another James to comfort him if this got out of hand.

"I can get out of this when I want to right and we'll be done?"

"Just say the word." James saw his fear, his anxiety as he struggled with the final decision, his instincts told him to end it then and there because Logan was clearly the emotional type and he didn't want to get him hurt or get himself hurt for that matter. But that indefinable thing that Logan had on him made James hold his silence, consequences be damned. Logan took his beer and gulped some and then he looked at James nodding fervently with an excited smile.

"Alright I'm in!"

"Good to hear, now come over here and kiss me to seal the deal Doc…"

"You don't have to tell me that one twice…" As they leaned and dived in each other's mouths again both forgot their worries and fears about the sexual journey they were about to embark, they only cared about the flood of pleasure they gave each other, they convinced themselves it was more than enough. They were wrong.

* * *

It was daybreak when Logan walked in his apartment whistling the last song James danced with him, because after an intense make out session James found out he wasn't as drained as he initially thought, they humped each other on the dance floor and came amongst the other dancers shielded by the club's low lighting, Logan of course got his share of hateful stares from James's many admirers, he didn't bother with any of them, let them stare, talk, spread rumors that he was a not-good-enough-for-James-whore, James still picked him and he was going to enjoy every second he could get out of it.

He walked towards the couch to pick his abandoned phone up and register the number James had given him on a napkin that he held like a treasure, like a trophy he had won fare and square making the competition eat his dust, his smile dropped and so did his prize when he saw the screen, one thousand and forty five missed calls, a hundred and twenty messages all from Jack, the last one just mere seconds ago, Logan had spend his night jerking off with James, Jack had spend his begging for forgiveness and asking Logan to let him hear the sound of his voice, let him at least explain.

Logan forgot everything even his exploding guilt, and called the man he thought was the love of his life not knowing what he was going to say to him or to James because he found himself caught between a torrent of feelings mere hours after he had promised James his nights.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: I am extremely sorry that this came out sooo late! Once upon a time I updated almost daily, then weekly now…ARGH! Curse my internship, my social life and a lack of internet connection. And my apologies to my beta Newbie-0.0Q for taking away her precious time and still not resolving the "Jack" issue, and to all of you wonderful people that take time to read. Okay I have been warned that some parts of this chapter are a little confusing as it always is when it comes to my writing so feel free to review however you want! Also I didn't send the final draft to my beta cause of the time difference and my busy schedule, so I hope you can bear some grammar and spelling mistakes that I will fix later this week! Like in "My Infuriating Shallow Jerk" Logan will be represented by simple italics and James by bold. And still I cannot commit to another Btr cast member actually showing up in the story so don't hold your breaths with the mention showcased later, there's a possibility but still... Hope to hear from you as always! I love you guys! WOO HOO! (Long A/N…don't hate me for it please…)**

Logan couldn't go to sleep, his body protested but after the long phone call with Jack his mind was left restless and awake. It was more than an hour after his return from Eden, almost two since he entered the apartment, saw that Jack had left a thousand calls on his abandoned phone and Logan driven by guilt and love, because Jack made him both these feelings, had made the decision to at least try and hear what the man he planned a future with once upon a time, and who had so callously walked out had to say for himself.

Sorry, I love you, I didn't mean to hurt you, it's not your fault, you weren't listening, too busy, I didn't say that, and so on and so on. From screaming, to crying, to whispering apologies to screaming again until both saw the dead end wall. A repetition of all the motions that two people that obviously cared about each other had to go through but clearly needed space apart from each other in order to see what the next step they needed to take was.

So, Logan couldn't sleep, he stared at the phone screen and the bedroom ceiling while the daylight of the rising sun that crept in from the open abandoned shutters inflicted pain on his tired eyes, apparently Harry was right, the official term on his relationship was that they were on a break. And Logan couldn't rest his ravaged body; he wanted to be clear about his updated relationship status to James because this involved him too now, and after struggling with the decision for more than an hour, out of fear on what James's reaction would be he finally decided to text his other lover.

_"Sorry about the time, but you're the barman/good listener and this is eating me up, does being on a break mean I'm completely single?"_

" **It depends, what does your heart tell you Doc?"**

That wasn't what he expected, a dirty joke, James to ask if he finally talked with Jack or not, to break this sex thing they had barely started off; those were the reactions acceptable for the image he had of James Diamond, not mushy old romantic clichés.

_"I thought you hated chick flicks."_

" **I'm tired, just got home, I want to take a shower and go to bed, and being on a break has its own set of rules like a being someone's sex buddy, did you tell him you're going to wait for him or that you slept with someone else?"**

_"No, the exact opposite, I didn't tell him anything about us, I only told him I wasn't planning on waiting for him forever and that I still cared despite his crappy attitude, is it that obvious that we talked?"_

" **It's seven in the morning and you're still all guilty. What am I supposed to think?"**

_"I'm not THAT guilty. I am apparently on a break. I can do whatever I want and whoever I want, namely you… When Jack tells me what he wants and stops running like a child then I'll see if I still want to give it another try with him, we'll take it from there in the meantime I'm apparently single by both his choice and mine...Or rather single with a sex buddy who also happens to have a body sculpted like a Greek god's..."_

" **And that is what your heart's telling you. Okay Doc, thanks for the update, you're a smart person, you can play this game just fine, you just need a little coaching that's all. When you want to drop by or drop your pants give me a call because that's what I want. Fuck you soon…"**

 _"And a good day to you too bar boy!"_ Logan finally went to sleep after saving James' number under the name bar boy, and he entered dreamland all smiles and guilty free.

* * *

"Did you fuck him?" Peter's first question was when Logan called him the following afternoon after his much needed long rest.

"Nope bathroom jerk contest, and it was a tie..."

"Okay when I ask you these things, I want you to know I'm joking, a yes or no will do just fine! KEEP THE DEATAILS FOR NORA! She can handle them, I can't!"

"Then don't ask, or are you suddenly turning into Harry on me? Planning on dropping the gym next?"

"No smarty pants, I'm not turning into a prune but I can do without the mental images! Anything rated pg you want to tell me?"

"Yes, before I left to see James I texted Jack and told him to come and take his crap out or else I\d throw them out, that made him to finally move his ass and call me, but I was so angry with him that I left the phone here so we talked in the morning when I got back…"

"Oh, that's who he was talking to! Harold Walter Dalini! GET YOU FAT HIDE OVER HERE ASSHOLE!" Logan froze up; apparently Jack didn't call only him in the middle of the night.

"What now?"

"Here! It's the Spanish Inquisition traitor have fun!"

"PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM WHERE I WAS ALL NIGHT!"

"Are you insane Logan!? He called me and asked if you were in the hospital and I told him yes! Did you pick your damn phone and talk to the poor guy or not?"

"The poor guy!" Logan and Peter both shouted at the same time.

"Oh, come on Logan he sounded like a beat up puppy…HEY! MY DONUT SUTNER! COME ON!"

"Eat it from the floor and give me back my phone! You're a horrible friend Harry do you know that?" There were times Peter and Harry argued like children just for the heck of it, but Logan could tell by Peter's tone that this wasn't one of those times.

"Oh, Hell no! I still have a few things to say to him Peter! Harry, listen up! I appreciate that you lied to him but it's either his side or mine! He tore my heart out and we are now on a break officially…"

"TOLD YOU! The guy loves you; you just need some space…"

"Shut up! We're on a break and I'm going to take the time to see what I want! And in the meantime I'm going to have fun with James who's actually pretty decent with me and makes things easy and clear cut! Can you handle that or not?"

"If I say no…"

"Then our friendship's on a break too."

"Seriously, just so you can fuck with the bartender!"

"Yes Harry! Just so I can fuck with the bartender! And I don't want to have to worry that you'll slip and say something to Jack, if somebody tells him it's going to be me! And I want you to respect my decisions!"

"They're lousy decisions and they're beneath you! You're not some whore that sleeps around and you're not a horny teenager; you're a doctor, the best student surgeon…"

"Harry when I'm with James I don't know who I am, I barely recognize myself, I need to see where this leads before I either give a second chance to Jack or I move on! That's what my heart tells me! Can you respect that and stop judging me!"

"If you say no, you can kiss our friendship goodbye too." Peter cleared up with a loud voice just so Logan could hear that he had his back.

"I haven't heard you lose the handle like this before Logan…"

"Yeah, it's James; this is what James does to me! Not your poor Jack who needs ultimatums to finally deem me with a call after HE walked out on me with a post-it as goodbye!"

"But you still love him?"

"Yes Harry, yes I do. But I want to love myself too and this thing with James, it brings a part of me out, urges I've suppressed for years…"

"Fine, I'll cut all communications with him! But I don't want to hear a word about your little sex friend!"

"I can respect that, and it's not like we're dating and you'll have to meet him Harry."

"Good, just whatever you do, don't fall for the guy; you have to admit it, he's dangerous for you Logan."

"I…I can see that…Don't worry, if I see I'm losing control on this and things get too complicated I'm out…James and I agreed…"

"Yeah but James has experience in these things, you don't!"

"…I have more experience than you think…" Logan mumbled looking on his new wrist bruises. He begun to wonder if this is how people saw him, meek, breakable, some sort of immaculate man made out of glass. James didn't treat him like that, James told him he would have no expectations out of him, that Logan was a mystery he wanted to explore, just the thought of James' hands, of his body pressed on his own, filled him with a sense of complete freedom, why did he have be judged for wanting to be free?

"Logan?"

"Sorry, I was thinking, anyway Harry I got to go, I have a shift tomorrow night, see you guys in the parking lot?"

"Sure…Logan I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, you're just like a little brother to me I want to see you get your happy end…"

"I know, but happy end doesn't necessarily mean wedding bells with Jack. Not with James either."

"Okay I trust you…" Harry finally conceded.

"WE BOTH DO!" Peter boomed.

"…just wear a condom kid."

"AND DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH!"

They were still going at it when Logan said his goodbye and hang the phone up, he still looked at the bruises and he unconsciously licked his own lips, he found his throat dry now, probably from all the shouting or he was just thirsty again, thirsty for James.

The doorbell ringing derailed his lustful train of thought. He walked to the door racking his brain on who it could possibly be, most of his friends were working at this hour, he picked from the peep hole and opened the door with a confused expression.

"Hi…" He mumbled to his neighbor as he tried to pull her name out from his fuzzy memory.

"Hi Doctor Mitchell! Sorry if I woke you or anything but is Jack here?" She looked quiet flustered and panicked, Logan's body jolted on the mention of the name, he shook his head and fought the urge to slam the door in her face.

"Oh, that's okay then…Can I ask you for a favor? It's kind of a big one and you're probably either busy or tired from the hospital, that's why I wanted to ask Jack…"

"Something's up with your move Drew?" His mind filled in the blanks finally.

"My brother got a flat and the company will be here in an hour and for the love of God I can't break down the center piece…"

"I think I can help you with that…"

"Really? If it wouldn't be much of a problem, I could ask the moving company but they charge by the clock…"

"Yeah, sure, I have time today, lead the way."

"Thank you Doctor Mitchell, you're a godsend!"

"Call me Logan, please…"

Logan wasn't much of a handy man before Jack, but he was a quick learner and Jack had a thing for assembling furniture so half an hour later he had taken the piece completely apart while Drew mumbled every nicety in the book.

"I'm so sorry I can't offer you anything but water…"

"That's okay." Logan had his back turned on her; she was pacing up and down on her empty living room, constantly looking at the time and biting her lower lip.

"I want to kill that idiot right now…" She whispered not expecting Logan to hear her.

"Your brother?"

"YES!" She jumped up a little scared with Logan's casual question.

"Not his fault." Logan categorized every screw by number, mind and body focused like he was in the operating room holding a scalpel, like someone's life was hanging by a thread, it was an effort to keep his sanity, because the girl was obviously on friendly terms with Jack and he hadn't said a word about it. It wasn't much of a surprise, Logan could count his friends in one hand while Jack had a knack of getting people to like him, much like James, only Jack was just open and friendly with people, James was a captivating creature one couldn't ignore.

"Mr. Mitchell…"

"Logan, you make me sound old, we don't have that much of an age difference…"

"Sorry…it's just that you're in your second year of internship and I haven't picked my major yet…"

"Wow, Jack likes to talk doesn't he?" Logan's tone was cold; if he had been there Logan would take the electrical screwdriver and plunge it down his eye.

"He brags about you a lot…"

"Did you talk to him often…?"

"We had coffee a couple of times…he told me he could get me this out of print book I needed for school…"

"Yeah, he's good on his job, I swear once we got a call from a publisher and he told Jack to stop harassing the info desk." Logan giggled unconsciously, she made no sound.

"He takes good care of you, doesn't he? You're lucky to have each other…" Jealousy, there was jealousy in her tone and Logan felt that she was intensely staring on his turned back.

"Yeah, he did…"

"Did…?" Her tone changed once more, she sounded more concerned now and Logan felt more relaxed around her.

"He left…we're on a break…that's why you haven't seen him around…" Logan felt good unburdening to another stranger; she had a curious expression on her face though, but Logan a little ashamed about the turn of events with James kept his head down on the dismantled piece of furniture not paying much attention.

"I'm sorry to hear that…"

"Well, nothing you can do about it, maybe it's for the best who knows…" He was done with packing the center piece in the appropriate boxes and he lifted himself from the wooden floor, when he finally turned to face her he was completely stunned because she was crying.

"I'm so sorry Logan…I'm really…really sorry…I shouldn't have…"

"Hey! It's okay, we were just having a talk, I didn't mean to upset you…"

"You looked so good together…"

"We did now, didn't we…?" He wiped her tears of sympathy, and gave her a shy smile, but then she pulled away because of something she suddenly noticed.

"Umm…those are some large hickeys he left you with…"

"Oh…ah…those…yeah break up sex can get a little out of hand…"

"I see…Logan I need to…" She heard the moving truck parking loudly outside the building and she stopped midsentence, with a sad smile she regained her composure.

"I need to go…"

"Okay, take care, if you need anything else…"

"No, thank you and I'm sorry for taking your free time, I'm sorry about Jack too…I hope you work it out, and if you don't…you're a good person…you can do better…"

"Thank you Drew…" And with the confirmation that indeed people saw him as a bristle breakable man and wondering what else Jack told strangers about him, Logan returned to his apartment making time calculations on how to see James as soon as possible in order to finally satisfy his thirst, a thirst to be treated like a proper man, a proper lover.

* * *

"He'll be down in a minute!" James' maid told Shiva over the video phone; James was finishing making his perfect hair and was ready to depart for work looking like a movie star yet again. As he was putting his jacket on he received a text from Logan with his weekly schedule that made him smile like an idiot, because he had marked his day off as "play date" and every other day when he had a gap between late afternoon and his night shift in the hospital he had marked it with the words "possible quicky?" James lost track of the time trying to figure out an appropriate answer derived straight out off a porn movie, unfortunately for him **she** caught him lost in la-la land and her curiosity was picked.

"James David Diamond! You are making your co-worker wait, that's bad business and it shows poor manners and I thought I taught you better than that!" She shouted in his ear, picking on the phone screen over his shoulder, like a banshee straight from Hell that had appeared out of nowhere.

"OH GOD! Brooke…Mom… umm you're home! Didn't you have a late business dinner at the…."

"I'm making them wait it's a scare tactic, so another one James? Really, are you trying to get hepatitis or even worse H.I.V before giving me the joy of an actual heir that could be useful to me?"

"Only you mother…" James mumbled and tried to leave but even with heels tall enough for a runaway she was quicker, she reached the video phone while she blocked the exit door for James using her body.

"James will be late dear, you can wait in the lobby or go up the fourth floor, I've been told that Doctor Danks is an excellent psychiatrist and he could help you with the voices in your head." Before Shiva could give Brooke a snappy comeback Brooke closed the video screen and turned arms crossed on her chest towards a now very frustrated and pissed off James. James even thought he heard a bell ring in the background, signaling round….whatever round this was between them.

"I have to go Brooke; go drink some poor broke stoker's blood!"

"No! Yours will do just fine! So, who is this "Love Doctor" and what exact games are you playing with him. Tell me at least it's not another married man James!"

"No! I'm done with that crap!"

"No, you're not, not until you put me on an early grave so you can take my money and spend it on the porn industry."

"You know I have the perfect outfit for your eulogy speech too bad it's so short. My mom was a condescending bitch! Blessed is the Maker for finally taking pity on his people and smiting the Wicked Witch! Shalom!"

"And that's another grand out of your trust fund this month, if you keep this up I'm moving on to the money your grandparents left you and then you will actually need the job! Back to this Doctor now, how old is he, thirty, forty…?"

"More like twenty five but I didn't ask him for his I.D can I go now?"

"Oh, he probably hasn't paid off his student loan yet, always the Good Samaritan aren't you my boy?"

"He's not after my money mother!"

"Excuse me, you mean my money!"

"Your money that you care so much about! Besides I just met the guy, I'm not planning on showering him with gifts and marrying him."

"I'd rather if you did, better that than get every aphrodisiac disease in the book! What happened to that Kendall boy, that one was nice, he even got you to go back to school when he was around?"

"Yeah, for the last time Kendall is just a friend…"

"Hilda caught you making out on the couch, and I think that was her kind way of telling me you were on your knees and calling him Sugar Daddy!"

"Aw God! Can you for once talk like a mom Brooke? And your spy got it wrong, Kendall lost a bet and it was one kiss! Besides that's not important, Kendall is out of town with his very nice girlfriend and I can call Sugar Daddy anyone I want!"

"Not as long as you keep on living in my house young man!"

"You want me out!? I can move out!"

"I want you to stop whoring and finish your damn art school mister! Am I asking you that much!?"

"You don't ask Brooke! You demand subordination! That's your problem, that's why dad left!" With that she fell silent and turned back to the door buzzer ignoring that James had lost all of his color and was about to burst into tears.

"James will be right down Martha dear…Have fun at work tonight…" She then stomped off to her office passing coldly besides him, ignoring his silent apologies for stepping too far.

"That one right there, that one cost you twenty thousand…" And with that she slammed her door.

"Mom…Logan is ideal boyfriend material…but I just met him, and he sort of scares me…" He mumbled to himself and then he left for work, he didn't even flirt with anyone that night.

* * *

Two days after their last meeting Logan was on his way to the hospital for his late E.R shift, he was heading towards the train station taking his sweet time because he left earlier than he should have, his punctuality one of the many reasons his seniors loved him and his fellow med-students hated his guts, two blocks away from the club he had an aneurism when it hit him. James should be at work prepping the place, he had time, it was winter and there was snow on the streets and night came early so there weren't many people out at this hour, there was enough darkness, he could get away with it, do what he wanted to do from the very first night, satisfy his unbearable thirst for James, he turned in the first corner he could and changed his destination.

He stood across from Eden, and he smiled his most lustful excited smile when he saw that there was an alleyway that he previously hadn't noticed between that building and the next, he walked to it, one trembling street light, one large garbage dumpster right across the clubs' sideway exit door. He blinked astonished with his luck, an old camp joke came to his mind, good boys go to Heaven, bad boys go everywhere. He walked into the alleyway licking his lips in preparation and he took his phone out.

James was playing peacemaker between Shiva and Brand about a silly argument about karma, yoga and enlightenment while Chelsea was rolling her eyes and focused on drinking up her late coffee so she could make it through the night when his phone started to vibrate in his back pocket.

He picked it up and when he saw the nickname on the screen he turned his back on his coworkers and read Logan's text.

 _"Meow…"_ He made a face, disappointed with Logan's lack of ingenuity; still he was new to this and James had to be patient.

" **Okay…I'll buy. Here kitty, kitty, kitty?"**

_"MEOW!"_

" **Meow what Doc?"**

_"Meow you forgot to feed your alley cat…"_

"I'M GOING OUT TO THROW THE TRASH BE BACK…WHANEVER!" James shouted to his coworkers, and dashed to the kitchen ignoring Chelsea's wry comment that they currently had no trash.

He came out the door smiling scandalously, passing right next to Logan's side, he was leaning next to the door holding his breath trying not to make a sound, James turned his head left and right, he was now shaking from all the new born excitement and rising heat underneath his skin.

"Kitty… Doc…where are you, you little pervert…?"

"Woof…" And with that Logan attacked James and for the first time it was him that pinned the other against a wall, right besides the dumpster, a perfect cover delivered by providence.

"Hey…" James mewled between the rain of wet kisses Logan deposited on his lips one after another.

"Hey, to you too…" Logan pressed his body on James' own and let go of his hands, so he could be free to go under his shirt and trail his own all over his flat chest.

"Hmm, didn't expect to see you tonight Logie…" Another kiss and then another, each one sloppier than the last, each one lower, lips first then chin, then neck…

"I was on my way to the hospital…I got thirsty Jamezy…you can't believe how thirsty I am…" As Logan descended falling on his knees, coming down the towering lustful spiral named James Diamond; he unbuckled his prey's belt and used his teeth to open the fly and nimble fingers to release James out in the open cold air, despite the temperature James was in full mast and burning from the inside out.

"What can I get you…?" James couldn't believe his eyes, how could the shy, emotional, and inexperienced Logan Mitchell transform himself to a hungry beast in the drop of a hat, what was his secret, and where did the primal fear that gripped James and enthrall him at the same time come from?

"Don't bother bar boy…I'll get it myself…" Logan growled and James' head fell back against the wall, eyes closed tight as the world begun to spin around him like he was on a broken down merry-go-round that went faster and faster and James fought desperately to hold on.

"You're sure you can handle me…I'm not exactly average…" He asked Logan with a trembling voice, Logan had one hand around James, the tip of his tongue on the slit taking quick playful teasing licks, and already there was pre-cum, promising Logan more, nothing could make him stop now that he had tasted the addicting liquid, absolutely nothing.

"Don't worry…I'm actually a pro at this…I've had practice…boy, did I have practice…" He jerked him once, taking the head in and a long whiff of James' musky scent, see if his nostrils could handle the suffocating smell, body memory waking up and taking over control.

"Fuck…" James whined, as Logan came down on the side of the shaft with his lips, grazing him playfully with his teeth, kissing it, worshiping it, until the base and back again.

Then Logan took him in his mouth, bopping his head up and down, building a slow excruciating pace, as James felt himself surrounded by warmth, swirling tongue and wet saliva coating him and his entire world shattered like glass.

"Aw….God…so good…I've never…" Logan gave these sounds as he came down on James stating how much more hungry he was, one hand on his pike helping his mouth take more and more in, jerking him every time he broke contact to take desperate gasps of air and dive right back again, the other massaging his testicles until he decided he wanted to taste those too.

"You...who...are…you…" James was lost, so lost in the never before pleasure he was experiencing that he was spouting nonsense, things that just came into his mind hoping that the wild wolf between his legs devouring him wouldn't hear him, but Logan did, and he felt the need to satisfy James even more, to push him over the edge, to drive him into the same insanity James inflicted on him with a simple smile.

"James…amazing…your cock tastes...so fucking…good…" Logan didn't even recognize the sound of his own voice; he wanted more, he wanted it all, he threw his arms around James grabbing his hips and he kept on going and going until he swallowed him whole and tried to keep him in as long as he could, he came out for air unwillingly, but it was the only way he could ask.

"James…please…fuck my mouth…please…" James didn't need much coaxing, he used both hands and fisted Logan's hair, he pulled him down with force, he started to pound on his throat with a pace he couldn't control but instead of gagging on it Logan looked up to him with glistening eyes.

"Oh...yeah…take it all…bitch…that's why you came here isn't it…?" James said things, humiliating things but to Logan they sounded like praise, like confirmation on how good he was and even though it was hard, asphyxiating, painful he refused to let go not until James submitted to his defeat.

"Asshole…idiot…how could he…how could anyone…" Logan suddenly jolted back, looked up at James flustered and curious, James cupped his cheek, trying to catch his breath, there was something mixed in the hazel eyes, something beyond lust.

"How…could anyone...have those lips around them…and let them go…?" James mumbled and Logan smiled with satisfaction, before he could say anything about it James resumed his thrusting with even more force until he spilled every drop of sperm he had in him, flooding Logan's mouth, Logan broke away so he could gulp it all down knowing he had won.

"That was…" James slid down the wall and he fell on his knees, not caring about the cold and the dirt because he couldn't stop shaking, he wanted to collapse and Logan crawled up to him, still swallowing on the spoils going down his throat, drank and empowered from what he had done.

"…the best blow job…I've had…in my entire life…"

"Say it…Jamezy…" Logan leaned in; their breaths hot and blazing in the air between them and Logan opened his mouth showing off that he hadn't left a trace of sperm.

"Thank you Logie…"

"Atta boy…" They kissed, and James wrapped his arms around him, because the heat was slowly subsiding and he was now freezing cold, they helped each other up, and Logan was quick to help James zip his pants, but James took the opportunity to kiss him again.

"Where on Earth did you learn to suck like that…?" Logan fell on his broad shoulder and whispered the answer in his ear.

"Camp…" James looked at him with curiosity and shock and Logan's cheeks were now flushed red.

"What sort of camp did you go to!?"

"It was a special one…for gay kids to come to grips with their sexuality…lax security…I spend a summer there…"

"Did you win a badge for cock sucking? Cause you totally deserve one!"

"Don't tease…my parents tried to be supportive and I…" Logan broke contact but James pulled him right back in.

"Oh no, I have to return the favor first…" He had one hand around Logan's neck, grazing his lips with his own, another one cupping Logan's neglected member but Logan pulled away with a grin.

"I have to take a rain check on that…I don't want to be late for work…bye-bye bar boy…thanks for the gene cocktail…" Logan started walking away and James stared at him dumbfounded and angry.

"YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE TO STARVE!"

"GOODNIGHT JAMES!"

"FUCK YOU DOC!"

"NOW WHO'S TEASING WHO!?" And with a happy satisfied smile Logan went to work, while James spend his night making up plans of extracting his sweet vengeance on the little perverted tease.


	5. Chapter 5

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: FIRST AND FOREMOST! I AM SO SORRY Newbie-0.0Q I COMPLETELY BYPASSED YOU THIS TIME! Life's been a #$!% so I have no money, no free time and I lack sleep! The only good thing I had going for the last few days was inspiration for the second part of this fic! Clarification! If and when Logan's family appear know that they will be O.C characters and they will NOT be the actor's real family, I would have used showverse but they have yet to appear so since I don't want to get any weird feelings by using real people I'll make him a family, I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here. Also I apparently gave myself prompts with this chapter…if anyone wants to grab them feel free…just give me a heads up…hope you review…pretty please…I NEED IT TO GET THROUGH MY WEA…MON…LIFE…YES LIFE! Hope you like this and feel free to bash my head! Confusing chapter again…confusing A/N…I'm shutting up now…Love you guys!**

**This chapter is Kidstraws because of "video" copyright AND GO READ HER KNOWING LOGAN STORY!**

"I swear to God I'm gonna fuck his little hole to submission next time he comes five feet near me!" Shiva rolled her eyes once again, for the fifth time since she picked James for work that day. It was early in the afternoon, and she and James were standing in line to get their coffees in a packed franchised shop, and James once more like he had done for the last few days, ever since Logan apparently gave him the best blow job in the known universe, couldn't shut up or stop cussing.

Martha "Shiva" Tomel despite her quirks and appearance was known to posses many good qualities, patience, a dry sense of humor, a wide open mind, but even she had limits and some common sense, not as much as the average person, but it was still there nonetheless.

"CAN YOU STOP BITCHING ABOUT IT ALREADY DIAMOND! For Christ's shakes! Jeez, we're in freaking public there's a ten year old girl right behind us!" James turned around, saw a pig tailed ten year old blonde freckled princess smiling at him and giving him the goo-goo eyes, because she was ten, not blind and he could model if he wanted to, and her mother who gave him the stare of Death and Doom, his cheeks blushed all shades of red and he turned back, head down murmuring an apology like a four year old would.

Ten minutes later they were sitting on a table coffee in hand, and Shiva decided it was time to dissect the already scattered to pieces mind of James Diamond.

"Anyway, I don't get why you're so frustrated about it, it's not like you won't have the chance to show off that you're the man in this, whatever this thing you have going with the amazing Doctor Suck-a-lot is."

"I won't anytime soon…we're both busy this week…"

"Don't tell me…"

"Yeah! We texted each other the other day, he's in the E.R all week and his day off is this Wednesday! And by luck so is mine but instead of fucking with Logie up against a wall I'll spend it at Brooke's idiotic dinner party playing dutiful son or else it's my head on the Diamond Cosmetic's Tower!" She started laughing uncontrollably, first of all because of his face, he looked like a toddler whose favorite toy car had been taken away from him as severe punishment for being naughty, but mostly because according to every single religion she had followed in her young life, and they were more than plenty, there was no such thing as coincidence in this world, there was only the inevitable.

"Okay, here's a crazy, insane and totally out of whack thought, how about you ask him to be your date at the dinner like a normal person!" She said all smiles looking at him with hope, his face though turned even sourer than before.

"Put my booty call guy in the same room with Brooke and her minions who have a stick up their asses 24/7, I'd rather cut my penis off and feed it to the dogs…"

"You could introduce him as…"

"DON'T SAY IT!"

"…your boyfriend!"

"HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"

"…yet!"

"Cut it out! He's not my boyfriend! We have an arrangement and it's all about sex! I won't bring him home and I won't introduce him to my mother the Dragon Lady!"

"A-ha, and you were fine with that plan when it came to Chelsea but not with Brooke, because…."

"Because if Chelsea didn't buy it, and by the way she didn't, there is no way Brooke will and Chelsea's all bark and no bite, Brooke will eat him alive and spit his bones to dry! After she's driven me to suicide of course!"

"So, big deal, since when do you care what Brooke thinks or how insulting she can be? And why do I get the feeling that the person you're trying to convince that Logan is nothing more but a piece of meat is yourself?"

"Oi! Here we go…Martha I hardly know the guy, I'm not head over heels in love with him! He's been a surprisingly good fuck nothing more!"

"Then what's with you and the sudden mood swings? The guy's gotten under your skin James admit it, one moment you praise him, the next you want to rip his head off!"

"Yeah because he thinks he has the upper hand on me now! First he teases me to no end at the club and makes me drop everything so I can please him and then the blow job! I don't exactly cared at first, I wanted him to be comfortable and confident but there is a line! I will not be second bested in my own game! I'm fucking James Diamond; I'm supposed to be the sex guru not him! He needs a reminder on who's the boss in this relationship!" She thought of splashing her coconut latte on his face to make him face the music but she restrained herself because she knew James could be stubborn as a mule and it would have the opposite effect on him.

"This is not a game James…"

"Yes, yes it is! And I'm going to win! I'll make him beg! Next time I see him…"

"We covered that. James if you keep on thinking like this, you're going to end up hurting the poor guy and yourself, why can't you see that?"

"I won't hurt him…we're just fooling around…I've got this under control…he gets me riled up pretending he's all pious and shy when he's just as big of a slut as I am…nothing more...I'll break it up if I smell smoke trust me. I won't fall in love and he won't fall for me, we're both grown men, we know we have nothing in common to try anything serious, besides he's stuck on his ex…"

"If you say so…just be careful…whatever you do remember, you're only human and so is he for that matter."

"Yeah, I know, don't worry…" He fell silent thinking on the actual prospect, it wasn't like he didn't want to actually try a real relationship with someone down along the road but he had decided to live his life on the edge as long as he was able to before his mother strapped him in a monkey suit and declare him the heir of one of the biggest cosmetic companies in the business.

Besides, he was sure that when and if that person appeared things would magically fall into place, because deep in the inside he was an incurable romantic, not that he would ever admit it, he also believed he was too young and too fucking good for just one person, he wanted to have all the fun he could have and not ruin his life with the ties of commitment like his parents did before him, he had too many issues really and Logan was supposed to be just fun, not another problem he had to shove in a corner of his mind.

"…nothing more…he's just a piece of meat…a hot, smoking piece of meat that I have sex games with…nothing more…" He repeated to himself, and Shiva kept her opinion to herself for the time being, because James apparently wasn't ready to listen to her crazy theory, that there was such a thing as love at first sight and that was the real reason why James felt so drawn to Logan in the first place.

* * *

Logan entered the locker room to change his clothes and call it a day, he was jubilant, happy and proud with himself, partly because of work, partly because the mess he called a life for the last few days had begun to settle down, even the thing with James seemed normal to him somehow now. Unfortunately for him, he came into the room quietly and he remained unnoticed by two of his fellow interns who once more spewed crap behind his back like they always did.

"I'm telling you the fag's sucking Dr. Orowish!"

"Ha! What's to suck, dude's just a month away from retiring! It's probably tiny and wrinkled!"

"You have a better explanation on how he landed that tumor surgery tomorrow! He's scrubbed in with almost every attendant in the house!" Logan didn't say anything not wishing to interrupt yet, he just stood there, hidden between the lockers face blank, body still, fury slowly building in his insides like a storm.

"They probably rotate his ass on a weekly basis! Bet you they have a chart on who gets to ride Mitchell's prostate to oblivion, and this week it's old man Orowish!" They both laughed mockingly, and to their surprise and horror Logan joined them, a second later only he was left laughing while their skin complexion turned to the shade of the dead bodies down in the repository fridges.

"Is that why I get home so dead beat tired every day? And I thought it was because I do all the actual work around here while you assholes throw your food around in the cafeteria like you're still in high school." He walked menacingly up to his locker and exchanged his lab coat for his clothes not throwing them a single glance, they were silent, silent and confused like criminals caught in the act and Logan slammed the metallic little door making them snap back to life.

"Emerson you messed the neck collar on that skater almost snapping it during the process just last week and Trodle you couldn't recognize a tumor in an x-ray not even if it was the size and shape of the Texas state. You're right about me taking part in almost every surgery this last year, but you know how many patients I've lost under the scalpel?"

"Fuck off Mitchell…" One of them mumbled under his breath but Logan ignored him with a satisfied smirk on his lips.

"The answer to that would be zero. And that's why I get to do even more important surgeries while you two get to watch me perform the magic behind the observation glass."

"Can it Mitchell! You don't head the actual procedures! You just do the stitches after the big boys save the actual lives!"

"Bull! I've done more E.R time than the two of you put together and down there you don't have the luxury to even call for a nurse when the person's bleeding to death in your hands! You have to think on your feet and apply the best option possible! There is no or else! I've earned my stripes around here and the only things you can come up with to justify your lack of competence are homophobic jokes!"

"Well, it's not like their complete lies! You do love cock!" One of them stood up, towering and menacing clenching his fists, but the time Logan was afraid of getting beaten up in a locker room was a long time ago, this wasn't high school and he wasn't a confused scared teenager anymore. He thought that James wouldn't back down from this, and today he wouldn't either.

"What and who I do isn't your fucking business Trodle!"

"Like the bartender in Eden last Friday for example!" Logan turned to stone when his mind caught up to the sentence.

"What…"

"John chill out dude…" The other man tried to defuse the situation but he had better chance on stopping an avalanche now.

"What did you…?"

"Oh you heard me alright! What? You thought you're the only one that goes out on his days off Mitchell? I was there and I saw you humping the bartender on the dance floor like a little bitch in heat!"

"Still none of your business…" Logan repeated but he felt small now, ashamed, like he was once more tied up to his high school's flag pole naked for all to see.

"You're lucky the place is so dark, I tried to take some photos with my cell and put them on my instagram to take you down a peg. Show the attendants who teacher's pet really is outside the work place but you and that pretty boy went to the restrooms probably to fuck your brains out then bummer, I had to leave..." The hardest part for Logan was not to punch the provocative bastard's teeth out; he had enough, more than enough.

"You know what! I never hid who I am, anyone who asks me about it, including the chief I've answered with honesty! I've even brought Jack to Dr. Abbot's wedding shower…" Suddenly he turned to stone, petrified with the reminder that his co-workers knew Jack, while the other man gloated with a victorious smile.

"Haven't seen four eyes around bringing you lunch like he used to, what happened did you damp him so you can get your freak on with the bar boy or doesn't he know that you dance on other peoples poles!"

"JOHN!" Trodle fell on the cold tilled floor shoved forcefully by Logan who couldn't contain his anger any longer, he banged his head on the floor and he was momentarily defenseless and Logan was ready to jump on him and pummel him to death but Emerson came between them raising his hands to stop the madness.

"OKAY STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU STOP IT! CALM DOWN MITCHELL!"

"CALM DOWN!? SCREW YOU! IT'S NOT YOUR BUISNESS! NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUISNESS WHAT I DO WITH JAMES!" He was shaking, and he had moist tears building in his eyes, the recipients of his rage were filled with so much fear though due to his outburst that their image snapped him back to reality.

He walked over his fallen co-worker holding in the urge to kick him and made it to the door not shedding a single tear drop.

"If I catch you saying crap about me again I'm suing you both…and before you get any funny ideas that it's two against one let me remind you that you had a fight with my friends in the parking lot about your homophobic spiel last month and that Harry Dalini's has been working in this hospital for almost ten years now so his word has more leverage than all of us together!" And with that he left the changing room slamming the door behind him.

"Yeah! Go cry to mommy Mitchell!" Trodle bellowed from behind him and this time it was his own friend that pushed him back on the floor.

Surprising himself a few minutes later as he came into the metro station Logan was all smiles and completely calm. Just because his mind kept on playing the words James drilled on him time and time again.

 _ **"…don't be ashamed of what we do, we're just two adults having some fun, we're not hurting anyone with our games are we now**_?"

"…no baby…we're hurting no one…I stood up for us Jamezy…I stood up for us…" He took his cell out to text James a simple _"I miss you_ " but in the end he erased it and was content with his new found pride because yes, he had been out as a gay man for a long time now but in the back corner of his mind he always felt some shame, some fear on who and what he was, Jack and everyone else, including his own parents, taking constant care of him like he was unable to tie his own shoes and putting him on a peddle stool didn't exactly help either. But James Diamond unleashing the caged animal inside of him set a domino in motion transforming Logan Mitchell to his true self.

* * *

Wednesday wasn't what Logan hoped it would be, a relaxing day off where he could recharge his batteries, go to the gym, lye on the couch, brush up on his med-books or even watch some TV, he was forced to do things Jack usually handled, small things that he took for granted like the chores.

When Logan finally took a breather it was the afternoon, he collapsed on his bed after a long shower in an effort to relax but it was in vain, he still felt frustrated and tired.

It annoyed him to no end how Jack was such a big part of his daily life, he wasn't a spoiled person really but it had been a year or so since the last time he lived by himself, and now, as he was half-naked face down buried in the pillows, now would be the time that his boyfriend would come up to him to snuggle and comfort him, but no boyfriend came, just him and an empty silent apartment again.

Worst part of all James had another engagement and he couldn't run to his arms and release the stress. Then along with the loneliness and the fatigue came guilt, but it wasn't born out of his feelings for Jack, it was born out of his feelings for James when he realized the awful truth of their relationship. He took his cell phone from the nightstand and wrote him a text and then after staring at it for half an hour he pressed send.

_"Sorry I know you're busy today but I have to ask James…Am I using you?"_

**"For crying out loud Doc, another guilt trip? Will you ever learn how to chill?"** James answered him ten minutes later. Logan immediately regretted his action.

 _"Sorry forgot the rules about sharing and unburdening, forget I even asked…"_ He muffled a scream in his pillow and called himself stupid, he had friends, he should have called them, now he looked desperate and clingy. When he heard his ringtone almost two minutes later he froze with fear thinking that James was calling to break it up annoyed with the repetition of him being an emotional little firecracker. He sighed and picked up the phone prepared to face his judgment.

"What are you wearing Logie?" James said to him in a husky tone instead.

"Excuse me…?"

"You're guilty and lonely again, you need me to get your mind off shit, this is what we do….So I asked you what you're wearing…?"

"James…seriously…you don't mind…?"

"Doc if you don't play along I will hang up in five…four…three…"

"I JUST CAME OUT OF THE SHOWER!" Logan panicked bursting James' eardrum, and James started laughing with his adorable dorkiness.

"Liar…"

"I'm not lying…I just came out of the shower…I'm in bed with my sweatpants nothing more…"

"Prove it…"

"How…Do you want me to send you a photo or something…?"

"Dude, please check your calendar, don't you have Skype or anything?"

"Oh, yeah I do! I use it with my sister all the time!" He dashed on the living room and dove into the couch hitting his laptop's power button on.

"You better not be undressing Logs…keep talking so I'll know…"

"Umm okay it'll take a second…how are you…all good…?" James laughed once more, was Logan bipolar or something he thought.

"You've never had phone sex before have you?"

"No…OK I'M IN!"

"Thank God I work in a club; you can be just as loud as a music speaker! Which isn't a bad thing really…Those little moans of yours shake my world…E-mail and handle name?"

"Oh…wait I'll make a new one…"

"Why would you do that…c'mon Doc, I don't have all day…it's not that important as personal information go anyways…I'm not going to stalk you…yet…" He was lying of course, he had a few hours before diner with the Ice Queen but he just loved the sound of Logan's trembling voice as he pushed all his buttons.

"Ok but don't laugh…"

"Are you stalling Kitty…?"

"…logie-bear…"

"Come again?"

"LOGIE-BEAR!" The line immediately died and it was a close call for James too because his spleen almost burst from all the uncontrollable laughter.

When the phone started ringing again Logan glared daggers at it with a childish expression on his face, he tried very hard to restrain himself from picking it up but eventually he had to face the music.

"And that's Logie-bear...?" James said snickering.

"It's a hotmail account okay! You've killed the mood you do know that?"

"Yeah, yeah sure I killed the mood pookie, not you and your ten year old nickname."

"Yeah well for your information my sister made it for me and she's eleven and a half, and don't call me pookie!"

"I'll call you whatever I want pervert, deal with it! Anyways here we go…"

As Logan closed the phone the laptop's screen flashed a notification about accepting a video call, Logan put on his mike and clicked the answer option with a half-amused smile.

"Seriously you give me grief about my nickname and yours is Mr. Diamond, it sounds like a horse!" They stared at each other through the screen and just like that the tension returned, evident by the spark burning in both men's eyes.

"That's intentional, fare warning that I'm hung like one…"

"Oh, you are…you so are…"

"Nice to see you Doc…nice to see that little streak of chest hair of yours too…"

"Thanks, nice tank top by the way, now take it off…"

"Nope…" James said with a smug smile.

"Oh, is this is how it's going to be today? Do you want me to grab a shirt?"

"Feel free…" Logan stood up pissed but he was too close to the laptop's camera and he gave James a panoramic view of his crouch, James was quick to whistle and lick his lips.

"That a nice bulge you have there Doc…"

"Be right back…" Unfortunately for Logan he had the speakers on and he heard James' comment as he walked around the couch.

"Yeah baby, shake that booty!" When Logan returned wearing an undershirt he saw that James had taken off his own top and laid back on his bed prompted up by the pillows with a mischievous grin.

"Fuck you bar boy…" Logan almost ripped the shirt off his chest but he did it with a smile.

"You're going to torture me today aren't you James?" Why did Logan feel so happy with that prospect, what was wrong with him anyway he wondered.

"Yes, better me than your empty house Logie besides I need the distraction today too…"

"Oh…" Logan noticed that James' expression was dark like a storm cloud was hanging above his head; it hadn't occurred to him that James was using him too to get out of whatever problems he had in his own life, Logan felt more than fine with that and he finally understood why James told him never to apologize and never to say thank you to him, they were on equal ground, strangers and something more, Logan used James but the other way around held true too.

"You rub my crouch I'll rub yours…" Logan whispered in the mike and James' face lit up.

"That's what I'm talking about…So, can you show me the budge…?"

"What budge…?" Logan feigned ignorance but he kept his mouth gaped open and swirled his tongue around.

"Best cock sucker of the year! C'mon Logie! I've been sucked and I have sucked my share of dick but you were just wow! Tell me what your secret is…pop icicles…lollipops…?" Logan bit his lip but didn't blush, and he just couldn't stop smiling.

"I told you…practice…I was a hormonal teenager in a camp full of gay boys…so…"

"Do tell…details…I want numbers..."

"No, Mum's the word, me and the guys made a pact not to ever tell…"

"Okay so I'll let my imagination run wild…you were all shy and introverted and didn't speak to anyone…"

"You're on the right track…"

"Even with boys your age that were going through the same crap you did, you couldn't relax and be yourself…"

"Right on the money…" Logan stretched his legs and fell back on the couch, his nonchalant expression drove James insane, he tried and failed to hide it and Logan wiggled his eyebrows gesturing him to continue.

"…and then one night four…no…eight guys sneaked into your bank and choked you with their cocks!" Logan jumped up from the couch, skin pasty pale and face morbid.

"HOLLY CRAP! I'M RIGHT" James erupted with laughter again and Logan plunged down on the couch pouting.

"Ha! Ha! Very funny! And you've got it completely wrong…"

"No, I didn't! It shows up all over your face!"

"Yes you did…the first night they were just two…"

"The first night…"

"Yeah…"

"And the last night…?"

"I had a boyfriend by then so it was just me and him in a canoe looking at the moon…"

"Riiight…liar…liar pants on fire…"

"These pants…Yeah, they're on fire alright…" And with that Logan took his sweatpants off and lowered his boxer short just enough to show that he was freshly shaved, James almost swallowed his tongue.

"Son of a…" James followed suit not wanting to be left behind.

"Nice briefs! And expensive ones too…"

"I only wear this brand, seriously you didn't notice?"

"Dude, are you kidding me? Like I bother to check on that when we're all entangled in each other! You should stop wearing them and go commando! It would save us time!"

"I wear tight jeans at work Logs, the family jewels would get squashed…Hey, you're changing the subject!"

"Who…me…?"

"You know Logan Mitchell, sometimes I think you're pulling my leg and you've done this before!"

"Never…you're my first…I mean you're the first person I've done this stuff with…"

"I know…your hole doesn't lie…that time in the backroom told me everything I needed to know…speaking of firsts that guy in camp was your first boyfriend I take it?"

"Yeah, Matt…but it didn't go anywhere…first of all the entire camp was jealous of him and second of all when summer ended we couldn't keep in touch…"

"Why was everyone jealous of him…?"

"FINE I SUCKED THIRTY FOUR OF THEM AND THEY WERE MAD AT HIM FOR HOLDING ON THE GOODS! HAPPY NOW!"

"You bet!" James took off his briefs and threw them across the room and at the sight of how happy he was Logan started drooling.

"So, yeah almost everybody had a turn in my mouth…and sometimes I feel bad about it because I was there to make friends and come to grips with the fact that I liked guys not have blow job contests…but it wasn't forced and it was kind of addicting too…and afterwards they treated me like royalty…and it was just oral sex…nobody touched me from the waist down…not even Matt…"

"And when you went home you boxed that side of you in and no one got through to you like that again…?"

"Yeah…not until I met you…"

"I'll take that box you're hiding your true self Logan, break it, burn it to dust, I love that side of yours baby…I can be as good as thirty guys…you know I can…" James' face was distorted with a mixture of lust and determination, cold sweat ran down Logan's spine, not only because of the sight of the beautiful stud that clearly wanted to rip him in two but because he heard the "L" word after what seemed like a lifetime and something inside of him cracked.

"You're sure, even if it will be someone else that will enjoy all the experience I'll get from you in the end…?"

"Yeah…I'm sure…you deserve it…If I can be honest it's a waste that you're going to spend it in one guy…probably Jack if he comes crawling back to you…but oh, well…I can always hope…"

"Hope…"

"Hope that every time some idiot breaks your heart you'll run back to me for fun and games…"

"You're not planning on going steady with anyone are you…?"

"Not anytime soon…and don't ask me why…I have my own set of issues all boxed up…and I'm not ready to face them…"

"Alright I won't ask, you can tell me if you want but I won't pressure you or judge you…promise…"

"Good, it's important for me Logan…I want us to be fun…we both deserve fun…"

"Damn, we're being sappy! You're going soft on me! I better fix it! I gave you a mental image of me and thirty guys, your turn to brag about your shady past and make me drop my underwear!"

"Okay let me pick a story…"

"Something good…something hot…how about your first…"

"Pftt that was with a girl, you're not gonna like that one…her father was in the other room though…"

"Next! You're losing your touch Jamezy! You can do better than that!"

"Oh, really!? Well, let me tell you about my high school then, first of all we had uniforms…"

"Uniforms…?"

"Yeah, I went to this expensive private school for the insanely rich and snobby in the Upper East Side and don't ask about my financial state please and why I work as a bartender…"

"I'm not going to Ms. Woldorf or are you that other guy, the one she always sleeps with?"

"I swear I could sue that show for copying my life and you mean Chuck Bash, you don't watch much TV do you?"

"I think it's based on a book besides if it's not sci-fi I don't bother…BACK TO THE STORY JAMES! NOW I'M GETTING SOFT TOO!"

"Well, we can't have that now, can we!? Anyway I sucked in the academic department like you suck dick in other words big time…and I was a little chubby, full of zits…the only reason I got a girlfriend was because her father worked for my mom…"

"Wait, now do you honestly expect me to believe that you were an ugly child?"

"Wait…I have a photo somewhere for the laughs…here…and send!"

"Okay let's see…OH MY GOD! Who is this dork!?"

"You're one to talk, and that's me at the tender age of sixteen…" Logan didn't want to laugh but he couldn't help himself, the weird part was that James laughed with him.

"Anyway…I didn't exactly have a hard time in school, my name sort of protected me from any bullies…"

"Wait…wait…back to the Igor with the Hawaiian shirt I'm looking over here, do you wear contacts?"

"Logan will you let me tell you my story!?"

"Yes sorry…but just in case you do…a tiny bit of info…glasses are a major turn on for me…"

"Duly noted Tiger…back to my awkward years now…so the only thing I had a hard time with was school work, which was sort of unacceptable for my mother…"

"Boohoo! Poor little rich boy! Cry me a river James! I had to spend all-nighter after all-nighter to get into college with a scholarship!" Logan said sarcastically and James' jaw dropped but then Logan's expression softened.

"What? After everything you put me through the night we met you expect my sympathy? Besides you look like a god now, how many times must I tell you that…?"

"Thanks pookie…"

"I hate you!"

"Pookie! Pookie! Pook…wait Jack didn't call you pookie right?"

"No, he called me sweetheart and the like, relax, I just don't like girly nicknames…except kitty…I like it when you call me kitty…"

"Good…back to my story you uncaring bastard because that one fits you too… I was failing classes and I had two options bribery or a tutor, of course like everything else back then I didn't get to pick, my mother did it for me, she picked tutor…that was the biggest mistake she ever made…"

"Oh, some people have all the luck…"

"You guessed it; he was eighteen, tall, dark and handsome…also my principal's son…"

"Fuck…how did you win him over looking like you did…?"

"I didn't do a thing, he came onto me, apparently I wasn't the only one that wanted to get back to his family...by the end of lesson one he taught me how to French kiss properly and by lesson two he taught me how to ride the prostate bus to glory…"

"He was a senior…and you both wore the uniforms I take it…"

"I could teach you tricks with a tie that you wouldn't believe…"

"And you call me a pervert…"

"I can see the bulge ripping your boxer buttons Doc, you are a pervert…"

"Fuck me…what happened next…?"

"I had a great time having nonstop sex with my tutor…I also hit the gym, found a good skin cream…by the time he left for college I was set…he taught me everything except the things my mother paid him to teach me…"

"And you weren't caught…?"

"Nope, we even sneaked into his father's office and did the nasty on the desk…when he graduated it was him, me and his twin brother in a hot tub…"

"We both sound like poorly written gay porn movies you know, me and my camp you and your private school, you aren't catholic right…?"

"Half catholic, half Jewish…"

"Oh, that's another reason we can't give this a serious try…we can't get married…I'm a Gnostic…"

"Then we'll have to live in sin…"

"Yeah I could do that for you…school uniform doesn't still fit you right…?"

"I have one that does…for Halloween parties…love where your hands are heading Logie…"

"You haven't seen me in my lab coat yet have you Jamezy…?"

"Bet you look hot…like now…suck those fingers pervert…make them wet…make me wet…"

"Yeah…wish it wasn't my fingers…wish it was you…I want you…"

"This…is this what you want camp whore…?" James took himself in his hands, he started moving the beast up and down playfully and Logan didn't want to be left behind, he wrapped himself in one hand, and he kept on sucking the fingers of his other.

"Yeah…that's what I want…right here…I want it in here…" Two fingers in, and out his writhing hole, James couldn't take the sight, he fell back on the pillows and closed his eyes, thrusting his hips upwards, his member in hand coming up and down shooting waves of pleasure across his body.

Physically they were in their homes, in their prisons, mentally though they were across time and space.

Logan was a teacher and James was his student laid on a desk, his body naked and sculpted to perfection despite the truth because Logan always wanted him to be beautiful and wouldn't accept anything less, Logan asked questions like how much was two plus two and James answered wrong just so that Logan could strike his bottom with a ruler and call him a bad, bad boy.

It was a hot summer night in James' mind, he and Logan were in a row boat drifting in a crystal lake, the reflection of the full moon caught on the surface, and the silence suddenly broke across the grounds by Logan's loud moans as James claimed what no other boy in camp had the courage to do, what Logan gave him willingly, his virgin pain.

"James why aren't you here...why are you torturing me like this…?"

"I promise Logan…soon…we'll be together soon…one more finger tiger…c'mon…one more for me…stretch yourself baby, stretch yourself good…" Their hands were everywhere, their heads were spinning, their voices came out hoarse, deep, and as James reached his climax reality came banging on his door in the worst way possible.

"JAMES DAVID DIAMOND! ARE YOU READY! THE CATERERING COMPANY IS HERE!"

"…fuck…not now…why now…"

"No…stay with me Jamie…I want to see you come…don't stop…please…"

"JAMES ARE YOU IN THERE? I'M COMING IN!" James threw a pillow right across the room and it hit Brooke square in the face, he shut the lap top off and the last thing Logan saw was his apologetic face and some tears forming in his eyes.

Logan couldn't hold his orgasm any longer; he dedicated every drop in his name.

* * *

Hours later James was surrounded by people he hated with his entire being, Brooke's cronies, her business rivals, models and actors that tried to get in his pants for the simple reason he was the hostesses son. His mother watched him like a hawk and as means of revenge for catching him in the act every time she introduced him to someone she did it the worst way possible.

"This is James, my son, future president of Diamond Cosmetics." It wasn't true of course, Brooke had given up hope that James was going to follow on her footsteps a long time ago, facing the fact that James didn't have a head for numbers, she even paid for his art school, something he actually loved, but James had abandoned that too out of pure spite, still at nights like these she wanted to remind him that she held all the cards and if she wished to she could have him trapped in a chair sighing documents for the rest of his life, while the rest of her court would do all the work and the credit would never be his.

James walked out to the balcony when he had enough of being paraded around like a trophy, it was different in Eden, there he got to pick who he would talk to and people desired him for something he worked hard to get, his body nothing more. He smiled a hallow smile sipping his wine and wondered if anyone would cry for him if he would take a plunge from Brooke's tower of Babel. That's when his phone rang, his Love Doctor send him a text.

_"Can't believe you still live in your parents' house pretty boy…my naughty…naughty Jamie…let's make new fantasies the two of us together okay, I want you to brag about me to the next lucky customer...I want you…please come inside me soon…I'm thirsty again…hungry for you…"_

"James get back in here, you're going to catch your death! It's zero degrees outside! And you better not be texting who I think you are!"

"Coming mother!"

**"We'll have a blast baby…a blast of sweat and cum…as long as we can Logie…as long as you want to play with me…I'll help you find yourself, be the man you're meant to be…free and wild and satisfied…cause that's what you deserve and that's what I want to give you…"**

James signed it with a simple **"I miss you"** but in the end he erased it content that he had someone out there in the cold that wanted to know him, the real him, no judgment, no masks except the one they refused to acknowledge that they were wearing, to hide the fact they were falling in love.


	6. Chapter 6

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: Alright, another late chapter…IT'S KENDALL'S FAULT! I tried to put him in the story and the bastard started moving the plot too fast and he and Jo made the story too slapstick so I gave them both the BOOT! I know you'll be disappointed but sorry guys, Cookie Monster Giggles** **especially…I'm going for a mature theme and I need to take the long road with this, I have enough of a hard time trying to keep the dynamic duo from falling apart I can do without Kendall pushing my buttons. What I can't live without IS MY BETTA! Newbie-0.0Q is down with a bug and I wish you the best sweetie, take your time and get well soon! Also all opinions and reviews are more than welcome, criticism, encouragement, even name calling…Okay maybe not name calling…LOVE AND KISSES AND UPDATES SOON…I hope! And I miss my Cutie princess…*sniff***

"Hey Peter! Can you hold the fort for twenty minutes, until I go grab some diapers for Harry Junior, if something comes up I talked to Dasid, you can ride with him…Are you listening to me Sutner and what are you staring like that, you're going to catch a fly!"

"Harry, shut the fuck up…" Peter whispered and Harry immediately mimicked the exact same morbid face he had on when he saw what had turned his friend into an ice column.

"Oh, crap on a stick…"

"You can say that again…"

"Oh, crap on a..."

"SHUT UP DALINI!"

Logan was walking in a hurried pace across the ambulance parking lot and at the end of his destination waited Jack, Peter and Harry would have killed their own mothers to be able to listen in to what would follow.

Logan stopped walking meters away from his boyfriend or the man who used to be his boyfriend or the man who would be his boyfriend, future husband, and father of his adopted children, the jury in his mind was still in session struggling with that particular verdict.

"Thank you for coming down, I know how busy you are…" The first thing Logan noticed about him was that he pretty much looked the same, tall, thin as a straw, dark brown unkempt hair, an adorable face with cheeks that begged to be pinched, and his pair of big framed glasses highlighting light blue water eyes. Wrapped in his black winter coat and wearing those worn out white sneakers he loved so much and around his scrawny neck one of those million multicolored scarves that he used to share with Logan every time the weather got rough, he looked exactly like he did every time he sneaked away from work to bring Logan his lunch box. His voice though came out low, his eyes guilty and his body language was tensed. Logan fought both the urges to kill him on the spot or hug him so he wouldn't run away from him ever again.

"No big deal, I was about to take my coffee break anyways." When Logan took his cell phone out a few minutes ago, it was just to inform his friends that he was coming down for twenty minutes that was when he saw Jack's text, his first thought was to grab the closest emergency cord he could get his hands into and kill himself with it. But he found the thought ridiculous, knowing all too well that there was no real place for him to run, he had to confront reality eventually.

"You look tired…have you been eating properly…"

"Skip the clichés, why are you here?" Logan battled with his seething fury, his loving heart too.

"I…I wanted to ask you something…and I thought it would be better if I…I didn't want to do it over the phone…"

"Can you for once stop being such a Martha Stewart Jack and talk to me like a grown man?!" He expected him to lose his color and start crying with the outburst instead he gave him a faint giggle.

"You're right…sorry…I'm going out of town for a couple of weeks and I was wondering…if you could keep my stuff around a little longer…" Logan's complexion turned completely red, his nostrils flared, his eyes dilated, the man he loved so much for over a year couldn't possibly be so selfish, he couldn't be so callous and insensitive.

"Is that why you came here for?! YOU HAVE SOME NERVE!"

"Hear me out…"

"No! God! I'M SO STUPID! I thought you came here to beg me to take you back!"

"Logan…sweetheart…"

"Fuck you! Don't you dare say another word!?"

"My grandma died! Okay! Is that enough of a divine punishment for you?!"

"Jean died…"

"Yeah…two days ago…her neighbors called me…" If Logan Mitchell had something to be really thankful for in his life it wouldn't be his uncanny mind or his career accomplishments, it would be the fact that his immediate family loved him and supported him, despite his sexual orientation or more accurately because of it, his parents, his sister, his maternal grandparents even, they smothered him with their love true, but they loved him deeply, not many gay people had that blessing. Jack only had one member from his entire family that accepted him, his grandmother; no one else even talked to him from back home, no one even acknowledged his existence anymore.

"How…?"

"What else…her diabetes…you told her she should see another doctor…" Jack quickly wiped the first tear but he couldn't control the choking sob that followed, and Logan's body reacted on instinct mostly, he put both arms on Jack's shoulders and tried to calm him down before he could collapse.

"Hey, don't cry…Jack please…"

"…I didn't want you to see me like this…but I didn't want to leave town without a word…you're right…Logan you deserve better…I screwed us up…I fucked everything and…now my granny died…and now you hate me…" Logan bit his lip and his face was a mirror of Jack's pained expression, inside of him he cursed himself for not being able to resent him like he should, and he felt his heart quake and shatter because James and his beautiful smile suddenly flashed in his mind's eye out of nowhere.

"I swear Logan…I am not using this as an excuse…"

"I know…I know you wouldn't…"

"…I need a few days…her house…I need to make arrangements…"

"Yeah I get it…take your time…"

"On the phone when we talked you said…you said won't wait for me so I wanted to tell you face to face…"

"I get it…I understand…stop crying please…"

"I just need more time…"

"Me to…I need some time too…"

"Logan…I…thank you…I love you...you're my one and only…I'm so sorry…please believe me…it's you…I love you…no one else…" Logan opened his mouth, but he found himself unable to say it back even though he tried, even though it would be true in some way, but his first thought was of James, he lied to himself that it was because he still felt betrayed by Jack but his first thought belonged to James.

"Just…make it through this for Jean…and when you come back we'll talk about us…" Jack lifted his previously lowered head, and along with his pain came a look of wild shock.

"…you won't come with me to the funeral will you?" Logan dropped his arms from Jack's shoulders like they were made of lead and his breath was cut.

"Jack we're on a break…I have my job…"

"I just thought…sorry forget it…I'll ask a friend, Tabby from work…"

"Jack don't turn this on me! I'm not the bad guy here!"

"No…I'm the bad guy…its fine really…I don't want to force you." Jack pulled away and he distanced himself from him, Logan felt that a hot knife came down on his abused heart and it cut it evenly in half, and Jack took the half he was owned and he carried it away with him.

"Don't leave…don't do this again…" Logan pleaded but Jack ignored him as coldly as the falling snow around them.

"For once Logan…would it really have killed you if you put me first instead of your damned internship?" Jack started to walk away, he still looked broken but he wasn't crying anymore, but Logan couldn't fight back his own tears, they were uncontrollable and burned his skin as they fell down his cheeks.

"Jack! We're on a break! You can't ask me something like this! Please come back! I need to tell you something! Let me explain! It's not just work!"

"No you don't have to…I didn't want to hurt you again sweetheart…we'll talk when I get back…I promise…thank you for coming out, just try and get some rest and eat something more than takeout…for me…"

"DAMN IT JAMES! WIIL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!" But Jack was already beyond the iron exit gate, and a siren from a departing passing ambulance drowned Logan's grave mistake.

Peter and Harry came quickly to his side, but Logan turned to leave, too ashamed to face them.

"Wait, what happened? What did he say?" Harry asked first and Peter put an arm around Logan's shoulder in an effort to stop him from running away and bottling everything up but the last thing Logan wished for was to be touched, he shrugged them away and distanced himself from them.

"I can't right now…I'll tell you later…I need to go back to my shift…" As he left to return to the hospital desperately trying to regain his composure only one question pounded his mind like a hammer over and over again, who did he just betray, himself, Jack or James?

* * *

James was at the gym lifting weights as a way to alleviate some of his own frustrations. Earlier that day, when he woke up he made the fatal mistake of using Logan's e-mail to find his page in the social network, which really didn't have anything much in it and was updated months ago, Logan clearly had better things to do with his time than play games and tag images, but his relationship status was what ticked James to no end.

"Logan Mitchell in a relationship with Jack Of Hearts…Jackass is more like it…" James hissed to himself and he lost count of the exercise for the millionth time. He dropped the weights and wiped his sweaty face with a towel trying to control his patted breathing. He had clicked on Jack's page too despite what his better judgment told him and finally confirmed his suspicions. Jack wasn't hot, he was cute but not hot, and James had come in the conclusion that his kinky little kitty could do far better than him.

James was thrown between a rock and a hard place. He faced the conundrum of how to tell Logan his opinion and not come out like a teenage school girl with a crush. Logan would very logically either tell him to fuck off or laugh coldly on his face.

James was the one who set the rules for him, and now he wanted to break the most important one, keep their personal lives separated. He had told him to move on before but they weren't so immersed in their sexual escapades yet, doing it now would be just as good as a confession that not only had he developed feelings for him, but he was jealous too, and that part James simply refused to accept.

As he got his gym bag out of his locker, deciding he wasn't going to get any real exercise done for the day, he took out his phone and bit his lip, telling Shiva about his problem was out of the question, she would either psychoanalyze him or hex him, and force him to do something even more stupid like ask Logan on a date, a date-date, that wouldn't fix anything really.

It would only make things harder for James when the time to let Logan go came. The fact that his other closest friend was with his girlfriend in some hippy festival left him with no other options, James Diamond had a wide social circle but not many people he could bare his soul to, and now he was drowning with the fear that he would end up alone and hurt when Logan would be ready to move on.

In his mind though things were clear cut, he and Logan had no real chance in an actual relationship, they came from different worlds. Logan was down to earth, a hard worker set on his goals, he was the emotional type, and most of all he went for the long meaningful relationships. James ran away from any responsibility and commitment life would throw down his alley, to spite his mother, to keep his freedom, to keep the image he toiled to build since he was a teenager, in the end he had to admit that he was comfortable with his current lifestyle, and he didn't want to upset the status quo.

"Maybe it's time to break it off…" He sighed and admitted his defeat, he dialed Logan's number and pressed the phone against his ear, with each passing tone that Logan didn't pick up James could hear his heart scream **"don't"** but he smothered the feeling down, better he leaves Logan now and not the other way around.

Logan didn't answer the phone James thought he was probably at work neck deep in the E.R or something and he shook his head and sighed, he went to the message screen and texted him instead.

" **Hey Doc, what time do you get off from work today, can we meet tonight? I need to tell you something face to face."** He knew that Logan could easily read between the lines and he loathed himself for it, the last thing he wanted to do was act like his rival and hurt him but he couldn't mislead him either.

Logan was in Peter's and Nora's apartment, Peter had pressed him to come over to watch a movie and eat dinner with them, he had called his fiancée and warned her in advance not to ask, tease or question Logan about James or Jack for that matter, if he wanted to talk fine, but giving him the third degree wouldn't really help him in his current confused state.

They were having coffee when Logan's cell started ringing nonstop, he stared at it with a sad look in his eyes but he couldn't find the courage to pick it up when he saw James' nickname on the screen.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Nora asked a little worried while she tried to pick over the phone to see which one of the two J's was haunting Logan this time.

"No…" Logan put the phone in silent mode and begged his friends with his eyes not to say anything on the subject.

"You're running away from this Logan."

"I know Peter…I just need a couple of days to think…settle down…" Jack's visit earlier had thrown his world in complete disarray, he wanted to keep James out of it, spare him from yet another one of his guilt trips, and maybe afterwards he could find the nerve and either break it off or go back to their thing with a clean conscious because what happened that morning left him deprived of all his energy.

Apparently Logan forgot that James had a life of his own and his own set of worries, the text came and when Logan read it he jumped up from his chair like somebody had set him on fire, a fear gripped his body, primal and cold.

"On second thought…I'll be right back!" He went to the bathroom and fell against the surface of the door biting his fist and breathing heavily.

"Pick it up… pick it up… pick it up…not you too…don't leave me too James…pick it up…" He racked his mind to find what to say to him, in the end he let himself go, shedding away his inhibitions and listened to his instincts like James taught him to do.

"Doc…hey…I'm not disturbing anything…?"

"No I worked the morning shift beautiful. What's up or are you the one who's up? You can't wait for my day off huh? You want to fuck me tonight don't you…?" He knew he was being selfish, immature, cruel, but he didn't want to let James go without a fight, not like earlier when he just stood there solid as a rock and watched Jack walk over him all over again.

"Logan, look I need to be at work in a few of hours…and there's something I need to tell you tonight…can we meet somewhere for a cup of coffee maybe?"

"Coffee…riiight…but only if you promise me first you'll fuck my brains out…"

"Logan…" James' conviction wavered, his heart got torn and it bled despite his best effort to control it, the sound of Logan's trembling voice, the want, the need, he knew he would regret this, but maybe he was safe for one more round.

"James…If you don't want me anymore…" Logan whispered ready to lay down his weapons, he felt his own stomach twist and he had the sudden need to vomit with how pathetic he had become, but between him and James there was never any shame really it was just his misconception, James didn't care that Logan was begging, he cared that Logan sounded broken and sad.

"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN!"

"Then there's no problem right…you're just calling so we can meet…you still want me right?" If he wasn't allowed to get away even for one damn day from the mess that was his life then there was no way in Hell he would allow James the same courtesy, the reality of the situation though was that they were both running from their problems holding hands.

"Yeah…I want to make you scream my name again you little camp whore…"

"That's what I wanted to hear! My apartment is close to the club…I can be there in twenty…"

"No…not there…never there…."

"No...?"

"No way am I fucking you with that idiot's pictures all over the walls…"

"I wouldn't mind…especially tonight…"

"Don't lie to me Logan and stop being so selfish…you're better than that…"

"Whatever you want bar boy…my naughty, naughty Jamie…come inside me soon…please…" With that James felt his knees weaken, he had no more strength left to resist.

"We have an hour…no more...I'll ask Martha to bring me a change of clothes to work...I know this hotel I'll text you an address…"

"Sleazy hotel…?"

"It will be after we're done with the place…"

"Okay I'm in but I'm paying for the room, let me just pay for something once…but hurry up…my pants are on fire again…"

"I'll be inside you as soon as possible…fuck you soon Tiger…" The moment they hung up James cursed himself for not being able to say no, how was he supposed to break this before it was too late? But it was too late already; James Diamond was just too stubborn to see it.

Logan got the instructions and realized he knew where the place was, he got out of the bathroom face distorted by lust.

"Peter can I borrow your car?!" It took Peter a second to recognize the stranger in front of him, he looked at Nora confounded and then back to Logan with some fear in his eyes.

"Umm...sure…everything alright…?" He got the keys from his pocket and Logan snatched them from his fingers before he could properly hand them over.

"Everything will be fine…I'll do my best…I've got to go…sorry about dinner!"

"Logan are you actually ditching us off to get your freak on with James?" By the time Nora finished the sentence Logan was already out the door, he even forgot to slam it behind him.

"Did you see that? He actually ran for it!? What the fuck girl!"

"We should ask Logan to set us up, see if James would be interested…" She threw him a devilish smile, Peter shook his head.

"HELL NO! I'm not sharing you with two screwed up white boys and I don't think Logan would share James either at this point! You just have to settle on dinner for two…"

"Meh! You're no fun…" They both made jokes to hide their worry while they prayed for Logan's safety.

* * *

Logan parked the car, he took a moment and tried to fix his messed up hair the best way he could in the rearview mirror like it really mattered since soon it would be in a far worse state, he got out and entered the hotel with his body sweating bullets and his heart ticking like a time bomb ready to explode.

He looked around the lobby but no sign of James; he took his phone out to see that James had left a text that Logan missed because he forgot the damn thing in the silent mode.

**"Upstairs, room A103…oh, and I already paid…you're my call girl tonight…deal with it…"**

Logan cursed him with a smile and proceeded inwards, it wasn't a five star hotel but by no means was it shabby, James probably picked it because it was close to his job, the thought of how many lucky customers he had brought there crept in his mind but he fought the jealousy back, he had more important things to deal with, like fight to keep James with tooth and nail.

He entered the elevator, got to the first floor, walked down the corridor looking left and right at the signs and when he found the door he was looking for his heart fluttered, James had even put the "Do not disturb" sign, which Logan found funny since neither would spend the whole night there, in what exact point did his life turn into a movie anyways he wondered. He twisted the doorknob with a shaking hand and he crept into the room holding his breath.

"James…?" James had the nightstand light on and he gazed at the ceiling like it held the secrets of the world, he looked a little tired, a little beaten up, Logan knew it was because he kept pushing and pushing him, the man who kept making him laugh and constantly made him forget his own sorrows was sad and it was all his fault, it killed him inside, like back in the parking lot when Jack walked out.

"Doc! You're here!" James' face lit up when he saw him, and Logan gave him a faint smile, he didn't jump on the bed to rip his clothes off even though James looked hotter than the sun in his leather jacket and his gym attire, Logan's loins caught fire on the sight of him but he fought his desire back, he climbed from the end of the bed and crawled slowly upwards, not daring to even kiss and worship the body he craved for with his entire being, finally he settled his burning forehead on James' own and closed his eyes to avoid the hazel ones.

"Hey Jamezie…" James went for a passionate kiss but Logan didn't reciprocate, not because he didn't want to but because he was filled with shame.

"Wait James stop…what did you really want to talk about earlier…?"

"Doesn't matter anymore…not when you're here …"

"It does baby…please…I pushed you too much…I know what you wanted to say and…"

"You scare me alright? I know you're going to go back to him eventually and I don't know if you're replaceable like the other ones…I just don't want to be left alone…" James threw his arms around Logan and pressed their bodies together and Logan tilted his head on James' chest and heard the wild rush of his heartbeat.

"James I can't promise you anything more…you know that right...?"

"I know Doc…I'm not saying I want more…I'm not in that place, don't even know if I want to be and we're not exactly compatible for each other…it won't work…but what I'm trying to say is this time I may not be able to control the situation…we could get hurt, I know I'm supposed to lead but…" Logan kissed him, and this time he went all out, James couldn't even fight his dominating tongue, he didn't even want to, the only reason Logan pulled back was to gasp for air and that was a choice his lungs made for him, not his heart, not the rest of his body.

"I knew that from the start silly…"

"Oh…then you don't mind…" James smiled that radiant smile and Logan begun to devour his chin.

"No James I don't…there's no way I can get out of this unscathed…might as well enjoy it…and at least you try for me…you make an effort…"

"If you're okay with it then I'm okay too…I wanted to be clear with you…that's all…" The previous warm hug turned into a fiery embrace, James' hands trailed downwards Logan's back until he firmly grabbed his ass and Logan surged his body on James' own, he thought he heard music coming out from somewhere but it was only the mix of their moans, they kissed abandoning their lips again only their tongues met and there was nothing romantic about their mating, there was only their immeasurable passion and lust for one another.

James lifted his upper body and Logan undressed the both of them, the clothes were scattered everywhere, James barely remembered to grab the condom before taking off his jacket, and soon once more the wolf with the murky eyes was between his legs taking him all in, and this time James didn't even wait for Logan to ask for his heart's desire, he thrust his hips upwards in full throttle knowing only that could ever please him, Logan's saliva dripping on his member was the only lubricant they would ever need.

"It's been so long…so long since you've been inside me…" Logan mewled between his feast, and James didn't want to torture him much longer choosing to do the selfless thing and break away from Logan's warm mouth even though he could easily stay there forever, he flipped him on his back, grabbed him by the ankles and he spread his legs high, Logan took the condom, ripped the wrapping with his teeth, he took James in one hand and rolled the latex over him.

"Let's see how those stretching exercises worked for you Kitty…" James said as he pushed himself in Logan's entrance, they both let long fever pitched screams out almost snapping their vocal cords, this time there was no need to be quiet, they filled the room with a cacophony of groans.

Logan was more accepting but James still felt the pressure around him, constricting him, making him fight for every inch, he fell down towards him unable to bear the cracking pain coming down his back, Logan took the chance to smash their lips together over and over again, he decided that James' sweat was one of the sweetest flavors he would ever have in his entire life, second only to the nectar of his reproduction juice.

James' pace was violent, forceful, the bed's springs complained non-stop, and Logan grabbed the head of the bed trying to hold on to something but he still wrapped James between his legs like a spider engulfing its prey because the seething hot pain that ripped him in two was a drug he couldn't live without.

"Fuck! Fuck…James…you're the only one who fills me like this…"

"Better than thirty guys huh…" A smile came on Logan's twisted face, he answered him with long moans and wet kisses, James had never felt so desired in his life, he had lost count of his lovers before, but Logan's writhing beneath him would be unforgettable, he was etched and recorded on James' very skin, with bite marks and nail scratches and the echo of his raspy voice as he took in each pounding thrust and begged for more with gleeful eyes.

"Only you…only you James…you make me feel alive…what am I supposed to do…OH GOD!" James broke contact he fought tears back that had nothing to do with the excruciating pain that walked hand to hand with the sensations they gave each other, Logan saw the sadness on his face and got up on his knees, he tried to kiss him and for the first time he wanted to do it tenderly, but James read his eyes, he forced him to turn his body around and he pushed him back on the bed mattress, before Logan could register what was happening or even stretch his legs James fell on his back and rammed his prostate with all the strength he had.

"Don't say these things heartbreaker…just let me fuck you as hard as I like…like you want me to…" Logan grabbed his hair and groaned in his mouth, physical, this had to remain physical or else in the end neither would survive the inevitable separation.

"Hard…yeah…I want this hard…rip me…break me…you promised to break me in…don't hold back…don't hold anything back…" But their bodies reached their climax and betrayed them both because once more it seemed too soon; their souls though knew it was too late. James came in the condom and inside of Logan who wouldn't let him go, and Logan barely needed to touch himself to follow, the surging on the bed surface did most of the work for him, once more they became one man and once more it simply wasn't enough for either of them.

"James don't…" His tongue slipped when James went soft and pulled out, Logan didn't want it to end, he would throw away everything to have that orgasmic moment last forever, a wave of sadness flooded in his insides, he wrapped his arms around the man who was driving him to insanity with his very existence and after kissing his ear he tried to unburden his heart.

"I don't want to be alone either Jamezy…don't leave me…"

"You won't Logie…I'm not going anywhere…we can do this as long as you want…I don't care about anything else…" James let a sigh out facing the fact they were both doomed, he didn't let go of Logan though.

"Just do me a favor…" He held his blazing breath and Logan wiped his sweaty forehead with his tongue.

"Whatever you want…"

"Change your damn facebook status to single please…" Logan didn't laugh, he needed air in his lungs to do that and once again James had left him completely breathless.

"I'll ask my sister…"

"What…?"

"She made it for me…I don't have the codes…I haven't logged in the stupid thing in months…Wait is that why…James did you freak out because..?" James didn't let him finish, he kissed him to avoid the question, besides Logan tasted sweeter than sin, a sin he would do anything to bear.

* * *

"I know I'm late… I'll be there in ten minutes…got the clothes…? I bet she gave you hell…bitch…thanks Marty you're a godsend! What do you mean which god? Can you just…NO! I'M NOT INTERESTED IN CONVERTING TO CHULU! What the fuck is a Chulu anyways…FORGET I ASKED! BYE!" Logan was still lying in bed naked while James was mostly dressed after taking a quick shower, he gave an update to Shiva that he was on his way and he was putting on his shoes with his back turned to avoid looking at Logan fighting off the urge that he desperately desired to go a second round inside of him followed by a third, and a fourth or until they both died from complete exhaustion.

"Cthu'lu…I think she meant Cthu'lu, it's from H.P Lovecraft, an elder god, THE elder god actually…"

"Oh, you and Shiva speak the same language…nerd, imagine that…"

"Sarcasm is the most common defense mechanism and just so you know Lovecraft did a lot of research in old..."

"People ever told you that sometimes you come out as a smart-aleck Doc? Besides if I wanted to join a cult there's always tumblr." James teased him and he slapped a thigh making him twist and moan, Logan though enjoyed the pain that ran through his body to the very marrow of his bones.

"Yeah, since I was five people have told me I give lectures like an old man…"

"We should fix that little flaw of yours too since we're at it."

"I just saw you counting the strokes as you brushed your hair to a thousand don't give me sass about character flaws princess."

"And what should I give you then…" James leaned in; his entire body telegraphed how he didn't want to go.

"Some sugar before you leave…" Logan wrapped his arms around him for a kiss, it was meant to be quick, it lasted until his skin turned blue and his lungs burned for air.

"Mmm, sure you don't want to come to the club for a drink…"

"No because then we'll end up doing the missionary and I'll be even more sore and late for work tomorrow morning, besides I think we ran out of places to screw over there…"

"There's still the bar table…" James said in his most mischievous tone and images formed in Logan's mind in nanoseconds.

"I could hide under it and…NO! Forget it, I love the taste of your skin but I'm putting my foot down, we've already risked getting our hides arrested enough times already, not to mention you'll get fired if we keep it up."

"Don't let that bother you, I'm not planning on staying a barman for the rest of my life, not that my mother will let me..."

"Really? What are you planning on doing then, are you a grad student or something, and you keep mentioning your mom a lot…"

"Don't go there Doc…" James sprung up from the edge of the bed and he zipped his leather jacket, his usual sweet honeyed voice changed to a menacingly cold shade, obviously the subject was taboo but Logan was curious by nature, he was sneaky too.

"Fine, sorry, slip of the tongue…"

"It is a slippery tongue…" James admitted and Logan got up and wrapped James in his arms once more, a playful kiss and a bite to the cheek and he broke contact and slouched to take his shower, he stopped at the bathroom door with a certain face.

"Although…"

"What…?"

"If you tell me what you're studying I'll get you an appointment…" Biting lip, coy expression, eyes closed shut, and James felt a cold shiver coming down his spine.

"What sort of appointment…?"

"I could fix it so…ah, forget it…I'll be the one who's going to get fired then…" He got in the tub without closing the shower curtain and turned the water on and soon his form was lost in the rising steams, he took the shampoo bottle in his hands and as James watched him bathe he took a few steps unconsciously to join him but stopped himself at the door shaking.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on in that sick mind of yours you my little pervert because I had to be at work like half an hour ago?!"

"I could fix it so that I could give you a prostate examination...you know…you can see me in my lab coat and we could screw over in my turf for a change…or is it too kinky for you stud…?"

"Oh you're getting good at this…too good…"

"I'm a fast learner and I have a great teacher who gives me amazing home work…so what's it gonna be…your choice…"

"You're on…but I'm not telling you anything about my life, not crossing that line with you…if it's not sex related forget it, we've already too deep as it is…"

"You don't really have to do anything, not unless you want to…isn't that how it's supposed to work…?"

"We're losing it Doc…" James had his eyes glued on Logan and the other started stroking himself with a soap covered hand.

"Go to work…I'll make arrangements and see what I can do…text you an appointment…"

"Fuck…wish I could stay…join you…you look smoking hot…we should have showered together earlier…"

"We can do it now…if you don't care about your job what's stopping you James…break me all over again…my throat's going dry…"

"You uncaring son of…Heart breaker!" And with that James left full of anger and desire for the enthralling monster he had created, he slammed the door behind him, and Logan sled down the tub fighting his tears back, completely disgusted with himself, he didn't recognize who he was any longer and that realization scared him even more so than the fear of being alone. But at the same time he still wanted to play and when James texted him that he should have stayed an hour later he knew that James still wanted to play with him too.


	7. Chapter 7

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**A/N: Instead of apologizing on how late this chapter is I only have two words for you: DOMINANT LOGAN! Enjoy and review. (Don't get used on how long this chapter is, it was murder to write! THANKS NEWBIE!)**

"Stop fidgeting James! I need you to be still!"

"But it's cold!"

"You asked for it!"

"But it tickles and you suck at it!"

"Kali take me now!" Shiva finally snapped, took a wet tissue and wiped the henna paint off the back of his hand grumbling under her breath.

It was the midday, and James after having yet another fight with his mother about the slump that was currently his life, had ran over to her apartment requesting asylum until Brooke's fiery rage could be quenched, how long that would take ranged from an hour to the rest of James' remaining life.

They were having ginseng tea when his eyes caught glimpse of some oil paint vials, he asked her pretending indifference what kind of paint it was, because it had been more than a year since he dropped out of his art school, and she said it was for Hindu henna tattoos, his artistic curiosity woke up and he challenged her to draw a flower on him and let him be the judge of her skills, that was twenty minutes ago now she was grinding her teeth and fighting the urge not to plunge his eye out with the brush.

"Seriously James, if you can't handle this how in the nine realms of Asgard are you going to handle the rectal examination in the hands of the amazing Doctor Suck-a-Lot?" She said with an evil grin and James wondered how did she manage to get him drunk enough to let that slip out the other night.

"That's the last time I play a tequila shot game with you when we're on the clock! Also don't call him nicknames!"

"Jealous much or is it just nerves for your upcoming physical?"

"I'm not jealous and there's nothing to be nervous about!" He took the piece of loin cloth that Shiva had spread on the table and grabbed a clean brush avoiding looking in her scrutinizing green eyes, he started to stroke around rambling under his breath and she slouched over to her laptop with a half amused smile and soon the room was filled with music or at least what Shiva called music.

"Oi?! God! Is that guy skinning a cat or something?!"

"It's a fiendish death metal band and the singer's a girl, back to our topic, did he text you your appointment yet?"

"No, because it's not happening! He has to pull some big strings to get the examination room booked and make it so that he is the one to do the procedure, he's still an intern and besides he doesn't have the guts for it, he'll back down." His strokes were chaotic and swift, and there was more than enough distance between them now, she couldn't make out from her seat if he was actually painting something or just making a mess.

"Didn't you tell me from day one that he isn't what he seems?"

"He's not but he's not crazy enough to put his job on the line for a perverted fantasy, trust me any day now he's going to call all embarrassed and tell me it's not happening."

"And if he makes it possible are you planning on going?"

"Pft, are you kidding me? Back when I was a kid Brooke had to pay a big fat bonus to the chauffer to drag me out of the car and hold me down so they could give me my shots! I hate hospitals and doctors with a vengeance, I'm not setting one foot in Logie's little sick world…" She got up and picked his cup and caught a glimpse of his work, her breath was cut on the sight but he missed it battling against the storm that was Logan Mitchell and the awoken artistic instincts that were clearly invoked by the burning passion he had for the man.

"I think, and the tea leaves in your cup agree with me that Logan, the one doctor you DO NOT HATE, will move heaven and earth to make it happen and you'll go for it with a happy smile plastered on your face!"

"If your oracular skills are as good as your drawing ones I have nothing to worry about! By the way, THIS is an actual flower, not that smudge you tried to mark on me earlier!" He took the finished piece of art and smugly displayed it on the coffee table, she gaped and blinked and she looked at him shocked because it took him less than ten minutes to use every single vial of oil paint to fill the blank white cloth with a blazing red tiger lily caught in blue flames.

"James…that's…how…" When they first met it was too late, he had already abandoned his school and had thrown out or stored away most of his work and no matter how much she pressured him she had never managed to make him show her a single scribble let alone a painting, now though he desperately needed an outlet feeling choked and asphyxiated, a way to ran away, which was really an irony because supposedly that was what this thing with Logan was meant to be originally.

"It's nothing I just made the outer body, it still needs to be filled in, maybe you could glue some beads around it once it dries, I don't know…"

"James your mom told me you were good but…"

"I'm not an artist…it's just a half done flower…"

"James I have been a fan of stuff like this all my life! Don't shrug it off like it's nothing, its beautiful!"

"Artists have something I don't Martha, dedication and patience! According to my teachers I don't have either of those qualities and if I can't be the best why should I bother!"

"Because even a blind cyclops can see that you have talent!"

"Drop it! ENOUGH! It's just an ugly good for nothing flower and you are making a big deal out of this, same as the Logan thing! I'm not an artist and I am not in LOVE WITH HIM! I DON'T YEARN FOR HIM! I JUST WANT TO FUCK HIM!" She was ready to call him names and kick him out for his juvenile tantrum when his cell phone buzzed and it cut her midsentence, he picked it up and read the text and then he proceeded to smile biting his lip nervously.

"Son of a bitch…"

"Is that who I think it is?"

"He pulled it off…he's giving me a prostate examination the day after tomorrow…"

"Are you going?" The pressure James felt coming out of her stare was such that he felt that he was hit repeatedly by tidal waves.

"Maybe…he probably went through a lot of trouble to book it for me…I could humor him…I'm sure if he sees me there he'll get cold feet." He tried to sound sure but the trembling in his voice was indisputable proof that he was deathly scared of being submitted to Logan's probing because he now knew all too well that underneath the facade of the emotional, timid dork slept a predator that could swallow him whole.

"James?"

"Yeah…" He was gazing at his cell phone and refused to look her in the eyes, partly because he struggled with what his answer to Logan was going to be, partly because he was too ashamed for his immature outburst.

"You should give him something as a reward prize for his trouble! HERE! HAVE A FLOWER!" She grabbed the still wet cloth and threw it on his face covering him with paint, ruining the lily in the process, when it slid on the floor his eyes were misty and his expression was sad and childlike.

"Sowwy Marty…"

"Save the puppy eyes for your doctor's appointment Diamond! Maybe he'll show some mercy on you which I doubt! I on the other hand have run out!"

"I STILL HAVEN'T DECIDED IF I'M GOING!"

"Oh grow a pair, you're going! Keep the delusions for yourself, I can see right through you with my third eye!"

"Fine, I'll go, but you're the one who actually needs a doctor of the psychiatric variety…"

"May I remind you I just have my thesis to submit and then I'll be certifiable psychoanalyst?"

"And if that isn't sound proof that the world is a scary place I don't know what is? Oh, what the Hell might as well enjoy it, besides I can play hard ball when I get there, make him sweat for it…" He started forming his own set of plans on how to drive his pervert even more insane and he finally answered him with a simple text.

" **Game on."** Martha saw the sick glee in the hazel eyes and sighed with frustration.

"That's no way to treat your soul mate…"

"What?"

"I didn't say anything, more tea?" She trailed off thinking that one of these days she had to finally risk a serious fight with James about the Logan subject before it was too late for the both of them.

* * *

"You're giving him a what now?!" Peter screamed his lungs out and Logan took the opportunity to snatch the ball from his hands and make a quick dash across the basket ball court, he made a jump and slammed the ball into the ring.

"AND SWIIISS! WHO'S THE BOSS! THE DOCTOR'S IN THE HOUSE!" He made dancing victory circles around Peter whose sour face screamed that he was far from being amused.

"That one doesn't count…"

"Let's go to the referee!" He turned to the almost empty steps pointing a finger to the only occupant, Harry, but the oldest of the three was too busy trying to make his baby son take the milk bottle in his mouth and didn't even raise his head.

"The referee says foul, and I'll pretend I didn't hear what you said in front of Harry Junior kid."

"Dude stop calling him Junior, Doreen said you're naming him Colleen." Peter reminded him that his wife wore the pants in the marriage and Harry lifted an eyebrow.

"I take it back, Ghetto Boy 29 Doctor Whore 34."

"Want to grab a coke or something Ghetto Boy?" Logan asked as he twirled the ball in his index, and Peter shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

"What the heck, the fat man's biased, can't win this match, do you want anything Dalini?"

"Do we want anything Junior, do we, do we?" Neither waited for Harry to decide and slouched away leaving the happy father lost in la-la land while they made their way to the closest vending machine.

"Okay seriously, how did you pull it off? I know you're like the hospital's golden boy but c'mon how did you get an examination room and permission to do it unsupervised and everything else lined up?"

"I asked." Logan admitted with a weird face as he put small change in the money slit.

"You asked if you could bring your boy toy over for a quickie?"

"No, I asked if I could bring my very, very shy, scared cousin who's long overdue for a prostate exam to the hospital and everything else sort of fell into place."

"Oh! You lied…Nice! Also you have issues."

"Okay first of all it wasn't easy, it took me two days to pluck the courage and go to the chief and second of all it's not like I'm proud about it, and you can't believe how nervous I am, scared shitless…that's why I asked if we could shoot some hoops today…do something normal and James unrelated…"

"Hey, you're talking to me Logs not Harry, you're lighted up like a Christmas tree and I think it's kind of cool James does this to you, makes you go out of your limb."

"Yeah, I feel like I could do anything to keep this up, please him because I know he'll do the same thing for me. Hell, he's done it already, he drives me insane just by calling me a nickname, and he calls me a lot of nicknames."

"You can say it Logan the guy makes you happy."

""Yeah but I'm not worth it…"

"Logs!"

"Oh, c'mon Pete! Yesterday the moment James texted me back you know what I did? I called Jack! I wanted to see how he's holding, see if he was still in town! And if he would've picked the damn phone for once I'd have told him I was sorry. Even now I'm thinking of jumping on the first train and go catch up with him, I called his dad to give my condolences, he didn't talk to me more than five minutes of course, he hates me as much as he hates his own son, but apparently Jean's funeral is tomorrow and I know what the right thing do is, for Jack at least…"

"But what message would that send to James?"

"I don't know…I'd like to think he'd understand, I mean we're physical, it's still physical…"

"Not so sure are you now?"

"No…" Logan admitted in a low whisper, head down, because James tried for him, because James shared his fear of being alone, because James made him laugh and lose control, but at the same time he didn't know his favorite movie, what sort of music did he like, he didn't even know how old he was, and worst of all James had warned him that he didn't want anything more, that he wasn't ready to try anything serious, not with Logan and not with anyone for that matter. He had issues of his own and Logan wished he knew what they were, help him deal with them, hold his hand properly for once and not grab each other forcefully and leave bruises on each other's wrists.

"Look Junior uncle Logie is having another meltdown!" Harry walked in the conversation, baby asleep and strapped on his chest and as Logan stared at him waiting for a lecture he took a soda from the vending machine and let out a long sigh.

"It's not funny Dallini Logan is…"

"Twenty six Sutner, this baby, this adult! Well supposedly anyways, I warned you Logan, you've kept this going on for too long and now you're buried neck deep, you keep on hiding, avoiding facing your real issues with Jack. But one day Logan you'll run out of places to hide and then let's see if your bartender will be there for you."

"It's not easy Harry! I care for them! I care for them both!"

"Really Logan do you? Did you mean what you said earlier about going to the funeral?"

"Yes Harry of course I meant it. I've changed, I haven't mutated into a heartless monster."

"His bus leaves in a few hours."

"WHAT?!" Peter glared daggers, but Harry ignored him, he just stared at Logan's confused face.

"I called him to pass my condolences, he was packing, he told me he's taking the late bus to Chicago not the train, by the way I also passed him your condolences Sutner, because it's the NICE THING TO DO."

"I was going to call…"

"Why didn't he pick his phone up…?"

"He told me that you've called five times, he said he didn't want to pressure you about it, that he feels bad about sneaking up on you in the hospital, he wants to see if he can do this alone, man up for you." And with each word Logan felt smaller and smaller, with each word James' form that had taken residency in his mind and body became more distant, more hazy.

"Logan don't, you're on a break, he can do this, no, he needs to do this have some faith in him." Peter put one hand on his shoulder seeing that Logan was about to fall apart.

"I'm thinking…"

"He doesn't have to do this alone kid, I know you're hurt and I know this bartender of yours means something to you but you're one of the good ones Logan, you can do the right thing, the sensible thing, you can at least go and send him off."

"Just let me think damn it!" And the baby, previously lost in dreamland stirred and woke and gave out a pitch cry making Logan's mind brake into a thousand pieces, an image popped out of nowhere, James holding a baby, their baby, but James didn't want any sort of commitment that much Logan knew. He mentally replaced him with Jack and even though that didn't feel right either at least it made sense.

"I have to go, you're right Harry I can at least see him off, let him know I still care…" He let the basket ball tumble from his hands and roll in the pavement and he walked away head down still lost in thought avoiding Peter's judging eyes, he didn't have to do it for long, when he was out of hearing distance Peter turned to Harry and met his happy fatherly grin with a furious burning look that screamed murder.

"Just to be clear the only reason I'm not punching you is that you're holding my future godson!"

"He's doing the right thing."

"Yeah but he's not running…"

"What?"

"James makes him run for him and for crying out loud will he stop! He's worse than our ambulance siren."

"Baby's cry when…OH SHIT I DON'T HAVE A DIAPER!"

"Justice!" Peter picked up his ball and left Harry to drown in karma.

Logan went straight to his apartment, he took a quick shower and changed clothes, he didn't make a suitcase and he didn't cancel his appointment with James, mostly because he didn't have the courage, partly because he didn't want to. He didn't want to back down from him either; he focused on taking one step at a time and just make it to the bus central.

As he made his way to the station he had another random thought, the most selfish thought he had in his entire life, and he articulated it in low whisper only for him to hear.

"Why can't I have both…?" Why couldn't James change his mind and give them a shot to know each other, why didn't Jack make him feel weak on the knees and leave him breathless with a simple smile, maybe somewhere out there was a third man, a man that had everything Logan wanted, or maybe one of them could change for him with time, but Logan was no fool, he was a man of science, he didn't believe in fairy tales and he didn't believe in happy endings either, not for his story at least.

He walked in the building and looked up at the time schedule on the wall and then at his watch making sure he made it in time, he wasn't happy about it though, this felt more like a duty to him or a punishment for toying with people, it didn't feel like the right thing at all.

He searched around for a trace of Jack among the crowd of men and luggage expecting to find him tired broken and looking lost, when he finally spotted him sitting on a bench waiting for the clock hands to tick away Logan walked towards him, he even had a warm smile on his lips because he did love the man, but before he reached him reality came crushing down.

"Drew…" Logan mumbled in disbelief when he saw the girl and he froze solid still.

She came almost out of nowhere, two cups of coffee in her hands and she passed one to Jack who had a big happy thankful smile on his lips, she sat beside him and as Logan saw them talk and laugh he fitted the chaotic puzzle pieces together.

They met in their building Jack offered to get her a rare book, just like two years ago when he met Logan, an excuse really to get his number, was this a thing for him to get in peoples pants? Logan was never there and Jack was tired of sleeping alone, his family hated the fact that he was gay, he left a damn post-it and vanished, probably staying at a friend's or a co-worker's, and every time she talked to Logan before she moved out of her apartment so suddenly and with no obvious reason, she was a ball of nerves. There was something going on between them their body language was more than enough proof, the question was when did it start and how far did it go.

"Fuck…" Logan mumbled and a single tear ran down his cheek, he could easily cross the few meters of distance between them and confront them about everything, maybe they were just friends and he was imagining things for his own benefit and his burning thirst for James, but he didn't have the strength or the courage to make sure.

He turned around the opposite direction and paced hurriedly the other way, turning his gaze towards them only once to make sure they didn't see him in the crowd, when he got out and away from the station his breathing was patted and he took his phone out with a trembling hand.

" _Don't be late tomorrow Jamezie, don't you dare be late tomorrow or I'll hurt you even more…"_ When Peter called him later that night to see how things went Logan answered him with curse words warning him to stay away from his damn life and then he slammed the phone and returned to bed where he buried his face on the pillows and resumed his desperate cries for forgiveness to James until he was out of tears and he lost consciousness waiting for the dawn of the day, waiting to claim James as his and let all the anger out.

* * *

The next day found James making final adjustments in front of his mirror; he fixed the deep blue silk tie around his neck completing his formal ensemble and spent quite a few minutes marveling himself.

"Perfect." And he was, originally he planned on wearing the replica of his old school uniform but he decided against it, it would be a little over the top and besides he wanted to keep one more ace up his sleeve, so he wore one of his most expensive suits, and a pair of glasses to drive Logan more insane, little did he know he was too late for that.

He was already boiling with excitement, and was ready to depart but Brooke had her office door open to keep an eye on him and when she saw him whistling counting the money on his wallet for a cub she sneered.

"Just one second young man where are you going dressed up like that? If by some miracle you're heading to the town office I have some papers for you to deliver."

"Brooke, when did I ever go to Diamond Tower willingly in my life?" He scoffed but knew all too well that she was just striking conversation or shooting her first volley of fire was a more accurate term.

"In my dreams, I also see you stopped calling me mom altogether, let me tell you now I do not approve."

"Yeah, yeah sure can we take a rain check on World War XIII, I need to be somewhere."

"Are you going to tell me where?"

"Did Hell freeze, damn I should check on the news more often."

"Do you want to go and check on your own now mister sassy?"

"Nice one, see you later mommy dear!" He was about to leave but her comeback turned him into stone.

"Enjoy your date!"

"I'm not going on a date!" She stomped back to her office all smiles and he followed behind her waving his arms like it was the end of the world.

"It's not a date!" He repeated, although the fact that his games with Logan was going on for a month now kept on eating him up alive, this had never happened before.

"I'm busy James, you can go now…" She returned to her pile of endless paperwork and didn't even look at him, which was one of her more war honed battle tactic on making her son spill his guts out.

"If you really want to know I'm going to a hospital to have a rectal exam! So there!"

"By your Love Doctor I take it? How charming…" She sounded bored and uninterested and James fought the urge to throw her out the window but he was sure she would survive even though they lived in the last two floors of a skyscraper building.

"Yes! Kinky sex in a public place, do you remember sex Brooke?"

"Watch the line James…" She took her letter opener and pointed it at him playfully or menacingly, he couldn't tell, still he managed to hide the goose bumps of fear.

"It doesn't even unnerve you anymore does it?"

"What? That you found someone who can keep up with your sexual addiction, no, good for you I guess. I would like to meet him though to make an appraisal but oh well, I have more important things to do, like plan my trip to Hawaii for a spring calendar."

"You're leaving?"

"For a week, didn't my assistant call you?"

"No, have fun don't eat the sharks!"

"You too! And if you get caught you can call the legal department for a bail! Also see if your perverted, unethical doctor can give you an actual check up. You've been long overdue, you may need brain surgery!"

"His name is LOGAN and he could actually pull that off!" James screamed slamming the door behind him and Brooke wrote the name down on her little black book so she wouldn't forget the name of her son's boyfriend.

James got out of the cab but the excitement and lust he initially felt for Logan and their upcoming meeting was replaced by anger towards his mother and his fear of hospitals, it took him a few minutes to calm himself down and eventually he put that killer smile of his on and walked towards the entrance, he made it to the receptionist and focused on the goal trying to ignore the smell and the sick people around him.

"Hi, I have an appointment…"

"Name?" She asked eyes still on the computer screen clicking away buttons while people behind her walked up and down passing charts and talking gibberish.

"James Diamond…it's about…" She passed him a pile of papers and gave him a pen.

"You're in examination 4-D, fill these up and we'll forward them to your doctor."

"Do I have to…?" James whimpered when he saw the forms.

"What kind of question is that? Of course you have to."

"I just thought…never mind…" He took a pen and skimmed the questions, he thought that Logan would somehow sneak him in or something but apparently they had to do this by the book and James didn't like it one bit. He thought of lying about his information or leaving altogether but then his message tone rang.

" _One minute late and counting, where are you Jamezy? I'm on the clock and the more late you are the less time we have..."_

It took him ten minutes to fill the forms, the receptionist passed them over to a young nurse and she led James to the elevator, she skimmed through the forms as they came up the floors and she gave him a silly smile while he started to sweat in earnest feeling asphyxiated and boxed in.

"Don't worry, you're in good hands. Doctor Mitchell may be an intern but he could give anyone here a run for his money in almost every field." James caught a warm fond smile on her lips and he returned it.

"So, I'm safe?"

"Yes, although it can be a discomforting procedure but I'm sure Doctor Mitchell will do his best to be gentle."

"Wanna bet…?" He mumbled but she didn't hear him, they got out of the elevator and she had to hold the door for him until he plucked the courage to get out, she led him to the examination office and knocked.

"Doctor Mitchell it's your 13.30."

"Come in." The nurse entered the room, James had one foot in and one out, battling between his survival instincts and the maddening lust he felt for the sensual man in the white coat sipping his coffee reading files, he even looked bored.

"Thank you Betty." He took the papers and skimmed through them and James noticed how he refused to even look towards his direction.

"Are you all good Logan, do you need anything else?"

"I'm fine, I'm sure I'll manage you can go now." But she didn't, instead she leaned forwards and whispered conspicuously close to his ear, James' heart spiked and twisted with unexpected pain at the sight.

"I saw your facebook status and I was wondering…"

"Sorry Betty, gay not bi." Not only did he cut her sort, he didn't even bother saying it in a low voice and James didn't know what to do first, pummel her for flirting with his Kitty, or wring Logan's neck because of that crook smile he gave her as a consolation prize.

"Hello, Doctor Mitchell, I'm your patient, right here waiting, can I come in now?!" James finally snapped and entered the room and with a quick apology the nurse was out closing the door behind her in three seconds flat.

"I'm sorry mister…Diamond is it?" Logan looked at James' forms, feigning ignorance and gave a hand out for a quick handshake, James' jaw dropped.

"Oh, is this is how you're going to play it heartbreaker?" James growled and took Logan's hand with enough force to break his bones, he wasn't surprised that Logan's sly smile didn't leave his lips neither was he surprised that he showed no apparent discomfort.

"Excuse me did you say something?"

"Masochist…" Logan ignored that too and he leaned on the desk nonchalantly arms crossed on his chest, James was ready to jump on him and rip his clothes off but he didn't want to give in yet.

"So, mister Diamond what seems to be the problem?"

"I have an itch." James' skin was boiling red but it had nothing to do with shame or fear it had to do with Logan's coy expression as he kept the professional mask on.

"An itch?" Logan tilted his head and shot an eyebrow.

"Yeah an itch and if you ask me where I swear to God I'm going to black your eye!"

"Calm down mister Diamond, there's no need to be nervous, I'll take care of you…" And as reassurance Logan licked his lips and left his mouth open so James could see him playing with his tongue.

"You better…" James muttered and swallowed hard, and Logan walked over to the examination bed gesturing James to have a seat.

"Don't I need to undress…?" He was shaking like a leaf and Logan saw the terror in his eyes, he almost had a mental orgasm intoxicated by the simple fact that he was the one leading their dance this time.

"All in good time…" One hand on James' shoulder petting him gently in order to calm him down, eyes on the damn papers again that James wished he could grab from his hands and rip them to shreds.

"Weren't we in a hurry?"

"Whatever do you mean?

"You know something Logan, this is getting…"

"David."

"What?"

"You're middle name's David and you're one year younger than me, you were born in New York, and in occupation you wrote art student down, imagine that."

"YOU MANIPULATIVE PIECE OF…"

"Don't shout, this is a hospital…" Logan caressed a cheek, and he lowered himself down on his knees, James thought of kicking him in his rage, but that hungry look in Logan's dark eyes drained him of his energy. Logan reached down took off one of James' shoes, kissed a knee and caressed the back of his leg but when he went for the other one he took a bite instead.

"Tell me more about this itch…" He got up and gently pushed James back on the examination bed, and James found it excruciating to breathe, he tried to loosen his tie and he took off his glasses and covered his eyes with his arms as Logan unbuckled his victim's belt.

"I have this itch, it burns sometimes…" He continued with his fib, and Logan took the pair of glasses that James kept on his fingers and he put them back where they were supposed to be.

"No, no, keep those on, they're a turn on for me remember…it's these we don't need…" He pulled James' pants down and threw them on the floor but when he pulled the underwear though, James noted, that he tacked away in an inner pocket of his coat after taking a long whiff of the musky scent.

"Next question Davey boy, are you sexually active…?" James saw him take two latex gloves and he put one on while he held the other with his teeth, James couldn't handle it anymore he went to stroke himself craving for relief but Logan slapped the hand away.

"Don't do that you'll ruin everything, now answer my question."

"Yeah I'm active…"

"In what way…?" Logan had him part his legs and he trailed his index from James's lips across his chest and down his member that pulsed with life.

"I'm bi…"

"Bisexual you mean?

"Yes…come on Logan this is torture…"

"We haven't even started yet…tell me have you had many men inside you?" He took a bottle of lubricant and James soon felt the liquid cold on his skin, Logan spread it around the entrance muscle first and then he coated two fingers.

"I don't know…I don't keep count…"

"Liar…did you ever have more than one in here at the same time…?" James felt the fingers inside of him, inside and out but it didn't last for long, Logan plunged them in like cold knives until his very knuckles and kept them there.

"Ah…yes once…" James croaked and Logan made an amused face.

"You're awfully loose if it was just once…maybe you have an infection…" He resumed the intrusion, wiggling them inside James' walls and James tried to touch himself again but Logan wouldn't have it. He stopped, pulled out, he grabbed James by his wrists and fell on top of him, James almost had a heart attack when he saw his distorted face.

"Do I need to tie you up or are you going to be a good boy Jamezy and let me do my damn job?!"

"I'll behave sir…"

"Good…if you're good I'll give you a lollypop when I'm done…" He smiled and kissed his sticky forehead and then he jumped down from the bed before James could kiss his lips.

"Turn around, I need to take a closer look, all fours now…" He commanded and slapped a thigh, James was more than eager to follow commands as long as Logan gave them in that low raspy voice he was willing to do anything he asked, Logan returned the probing fingers where they were made to be, inside the man he desired to consume.

"Let's see now, open up, relax…" He put his hands on James' butt cheeks parting them, and James did everything to relax as Logan pushed three fingers instead of two, but that was just one hand, the other was soon around James milking him, and James gave out pleasured thankful moans.

"Doesn't it hurt mister Diamond, no discomfort at all…?"

"Fuck no…it feels good Doc…so good…" James moved around Logan's fingers following the pace and he wondered how in the world could Logan keep this façade up for what seemed like hours to him, the man hadn't even taken a single piece of clothing off yet, his skin was flushed, he was sweating but that was it.

"Do you put toys in here…?" Logan used the questions to distract him, to prolong his frenzied quest inside of James; he was hell bent to go on until he found that particular bundle of nerves inside his pet and claim it as his own.

"No I don't need them…"

"That's because you're a slut Jamezy…" He gave him bites to mark his territory and he soon buried his lips on James's genitals taking long licks, and James wanted to collapse, scream, cry, because this was just foreplay he realized, all this pleasure he gave him, all this pleasure that made his nerve system crackle with electricity was just Logan's version of foreplay.

"God I've never…no one's ever touched me like this Doc…"

"It's all in the wrist…" Logan joked and then James gave a desperate cry out because finally Logan found what he wanted.

"There! There!" James shouted with sthenic breath and Logan closed his eyes satisfied with his victory.

"I know…I know…be quiet or we'll get caught…" Logan massaged the area, tongue still worshiping his shaft, and James was just clay now, clay to be shaped anyway Logan wanted him to be.

"I think I know what kind of medicine you need…you sick, sick bitch…" He took the fingers out, he proceeded to devour him everywhere because he was addicted to the taste of the man's skin and James tried to keep his moans down in vain until Logan got up, threw the gloves off and smacked him playfully.

"Shush now or no lollipop for you…"

"Anything…I'll do anything…I'm all open Doc…give me that meat of yours please…"

"You have to crawl on the floor first you little slut…get the circulation running… doctor's orders…go…" James couldn't believe his ears, he thought he knew about the beast underneath the man but apparently he was wrong, for a second, just a tiny fragment of a second he regretted ever giving him that damn drink the night they met, his body though had another opinion, he stood up and did exactly what Logan degreed.

"Do you want me to beg? Cause I'll beg…I'd kill for you right now baby…so stop torturing me…please stop…." Logan smiled at him and dropped his pants and underwear at the same time, he took a condom from a pocket of his white coat and for a moment lost in his madness he thought of throwing it away because he wondered how James' skin would feel if they did bare and raw.

He ripped the wrapping and wore the latex with a sad sigh holding on to the last straws of sanity, he fell on James' back biting his lower lip, one hand wrapped around himself to align on James' abused entrance the other around James' waist pulling him closer, before ramming him he had to confess though, lift some of the burden in his heart.

"I just wanted to see…see if I could bring a god on his knees…you're beautiful…even now sweating like a pig you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life…" The only thing James was allowed to say back was how good and big Logan was as he pushed forward and inside with all his strength.

"Logan…you're an animal…fuck me…you're the best…" Logan didn't hold back, not with his thrusts, not with his fever pitched groans, he had a hand on James' muscled neck, his teeth on his earlobe nipping it, trying to control himself and not draw blood, James wouldn't have cared though, his prostate was on fire and that was more than he could ever ask.

"Feel that Jamezy…that's all of me inside of you…because you're loose…because you're a whore…but you're my whore now…mine…" He growled and pulled away he turned James on his back grabbed his tie and forced him up and then he invaded his mouth with his tongue, he had decided to stop only in the extreme case James died by the lack of air.

"You're so screwed Logie…you're a madman…I did this to you...me…" As Logan spread James on the floor and the pounding resumed James' heart exploded because he could see clearly that Logan was holding on a thread, and behind the fire and the pleasure there was also sadness, loneliness, Logan desperately was trying to connect with him in some way using their bodies as a medium, but unfortunately it wasn't enough, and James felt shame, shame and guilt for putting him through this.

"Yes…yes you did…how can I ever thank you…I feel so free James…inside you I feel so free…" Logan collapsed downwards he felt his loin burn and tingle but his hips still moved beyond his control, the time was approaching, he pulled out and distanced himself from his prey gasping for air.

"Stroke yourself…" He mumbled and James did with force, the world became a blur around him, his eyes had tears falling as he jerked calling out Logan's name in relevance, Logan took in the sight with glistening eyes, he etched the scene to memory to burn away the one that haunted him, the sight of Jack and Drew.

"So beautiful…" when James erupted Logan crawled upwards positioning himself right above his head and he took off the condom and jerked to his own orgasm splashing it all over James' face.

"Here's your lollipop...be a good boy and clean me up…"

"Whatever you want Doc…whatever you want…"

* * *

"I can't believe this place has its own bathroom…" James said as he wiped his hands clean while Logan mopped the floor.

"It's the proctologist's office of course it has a sink, I had to sneak in the mop though…"

"Hey, what's up with that frown, worried somebody heard us?" Logan gave him a giggle for an answer and his cheeks blushed.

"It's a soundproof room, you ninny…"

"OH NOW YOU TELL ME!" James paced towards him grabbed and kissed his lips smiling on his mouth and Logan buried himself on his chest, trying to hide his embarrassment, he was relieved to hear James' heart beating underneath his chest, it still cried out his name.

"You're not mad with me are you…? I didn't hurt you right?"

"Oh you hurt me alright, you hurt me good, I haven't felt like that since my first time with a guy."

"Then you meant what you said earlier that I'm the best, it wasn't just sex talk?" There was a sparkle in his eyes and James recognized what it meant, it scared him more than the sick fire he glowed with earlier, he took a few steps back and he avoided the lovelorn gaze pretending that he was adjusting his clothes.

"Top three, definitely top three." Logan let a long sigh out; he turned his back on James and went to open the windows to let some fresh air in the room.

"You didn't give me back my underwear." James teased and crept behind him wanting to keep the body contact, but it was clear by Logan's posture and facial expression when he pulled away, both body and mind, that he was tumbling into depression and James didn't want that either, he didn't want to give him hope but he didn't want to leave him in despair.

"I have your address now; I'll send it to you by courier if you really want it back." Logan tried to keep his spirit up, keep his expectations locked in a box, his fears about Jack's possible betrayal, he wanted to take a step forward, he just didn't know which direction to go because the only thing he could see ahead of him was a dead end.

"Now what you did with the forms, that wasn't very nice! I have to deal with my mother's machinations every other day I don't need that crap from you…" The words died in James' mouth, he expected Logan to snap or ask him questions, but Logan just smiled, but it was a smile filled with sadness, he didn't look at James, he looked at the scenery below and with eyes still locked on the ground he raised his hand took James' glasses and threw them out the window.

"Logan what the…"

"Sorry I changed my mind; I can't stand them on you now. I have to go back to work hot stuff, you can show yourself out, ball's in your court. Call me if you want." He leaned, kissed a trembling James on the cheek and left before the other could even begin to make sense on the meaning behind the gesture.

James stopped himself as he walked down the street to take a look back to the hospital but he couldn't see the building clearly, not with all the tears burning in his eyes.

"What's happening to you Doc…why do I keep doing this to you baby…you deserve better…I don't want to hurt you but I can't risk it…you love him right…you still love him…" The tears didn't stop, not until he got to Shiva's apartment where he the mask came back on by default.


	8. Chapter 8

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: This chapter is a good for nothing confusing filler that makes me want to scream at the mirror and hate myself. I hope you understand it's just to set up the following chapters and I hope you let me get away with this, if you can't please don't leave anonymous reviews I still want to thank you for your time. Oh, and whoever gets what Shiva's ranting about gets either a spoiler or a prompt!**

"You've been walking kind of funny lately." Chelsea snarled at James who was sweeping the dance floor head down avoiding both hers and Martha's gaze.

"I've been feeling a little sore…"

"For the last three days!" Martha cackled behind the bar and it was a round of glares, James glared at her, Chelsea at James and Martha suddenly turned solemn and tilted her head down but it was for an unrelated reason.

"Who left a dollar for a tip? Cheapskates…"

"What? You're still going at it with that rude guy with the leather jacket? Cause I haven't seen you flirt with anyone else since he came along."

"None of your business. And that goes double for you, you little miss sociopath."

"I am just honestly extroverting my need for human communication James. It's like what you do with Logan only it's less messy and I can still bend over." Even Chelsea laughed at that one, making James silently pray that the girls would go back to their default roles of tearing each other's throats apart.

"His name's Logan huh? Wow, and he's managed to keep you for a month now. Didn't see it coming, guy must have some moves. He didn't look half bad, how about you share this one James, for old time's sakes?"

"Chelsea…" James threatened in a low menacing voice but the women were still all smiles.

"He won't girlfriend, not this one, Logan's S-P-E-C-I-A-L!"

"This can't get any worse…" James mumbled on the verge of tears, because he knew this was one battle he couldn't possibly win.

"Say the devil's name three times and he shall appear!" Martha suddenly announced and in came Logan through the left open door, he looked a little tired from his night shift but he had a smug smile on his lips, he pranced straight to James who stared at him dumfounded, and before he could say anything Logan grabbed him and claimed his lips.

"We're closed sir." Chelsea tried a snarky comment but it wasn't remotely enough to break them apart, it just made Logan fist James' hair and force his tongue even deeper making him mewl with pleasure.

When they pulled away James had dropped the broom and his arms were around Logan's waist, his expression was a mix of anger and bliss.

"Isn't the ball supposed to be in my court Doc? You keep on cheating, it's not nice…"

"Yeah and you're stalling, three days not a word. You know I get thirsty Jamezy you're being cruel to me…"

"Damn you Doc!" And James resumed the kissing and the groping not being able to say no to the dark doe eyes, while in the back Chelsea made funny hand waves that included a heart pointing at the obvious which Shiva returned by murmuring "I know right!"

They finally stopped because James unconsciously cupped Logan's lower frontal area and even Shiva cleared her throat in protest to that one. Logan was quick to take a few more nips on the succulent lips and James had to gently push him back.

"Go sit at the bar pervert!"

"Yes sir!" He even gave him a playful salute and while he took a stool James headed towards the direction of the bathroom to fix his tangled hair and splash cold water on his face or else he would give in to Logan's cravings again and eventually he had to put his foot down for real.

"You girls play nice now or else, ESPECIALLY YOU DOC!"

"Sure, sure we'll be nice, want anything to drink Logan?"

"You guys wouldn't happen to serve coffee right? I'm actually dead beat tired."

"No, but I have this herbal tea in the back…"

"If you're so tired why are you here?" Chelsea came up to the bar and leaned backwards, Logan could see that she was obviously pissed and jealous but he was ready for an encounter with her since he decided to drop by.

"I came to see James obviously."

"No you came to yank his chain, it's not like you'll have sex after an all nighter, and I know how these things work you're trying to mess with him."

"Chelsea be a good little Medusa and go look yourself in a mirror."

"Fine although Martha, James is right, it's really none of our business, but mind yourself stranger, despite appearances he has an actual heart." Logan was ready to snap at her for making presumptions, especially since the real reason he came in the first place was to try and have a long sincere talk with James; Shiva saw the anger building in his eyes and decided to defuse the situation.

"He knows and he cares. Now go see if the dish washer's done we need to close up." Chelsea gave a sigh out and slouched towards the kitchen, mostly because she was tired, partially because she wasn't blind.

"Thanks for that…"

"I'm sorry she can be a real bitch sometimes. I think she was Medea in her past life or something…"

"Actually her whole protective thing reminds me of a friend of mine, she cares for him obviously and you do too."

"Yeah if you go past the drama and the constant teasing we're tight here, like a family, but I think when it comes to James though we're been overshadowed by you lately."

"Me and James have issues, we're not as close as you think…"

"Yes, yes you are." She said it with certainty and a Cheshire grin, and those scrutinizing green eyes of hers reminded Logan of a fairy or an imp or maybe she was an axe murderer that got away scot-free.

"What makes you so sure?"

"You're tied with the red thread of destiny."

"What's that? I caught the Medea reference but you got me there."

"Keep your crazy theories to yourself Glenda!" James suddenly came back and he was actually huffing like a bull.

"I told you I hate that one James!" Shiva moaned in protest, names of imaginary femme fatales and forgotten goddesses were fine but little bubbly witches not so much.

"You know we were talking it's impolite to interrupt."

"Shut your hole before I do it for you Kitty. Besides did you come here to talk to them or me?" He crept behind him and once more Logan was lost in his embrace, he felt his body heat rise and his heart pump with life, it would be so easy to invite him back to his home, they could sleep in each other's arms and make love in the afternoon, but no that would just scare him away, baby steps Logan repeated to himself.

"I came to talk to you but now I've changed my mind. You're being a brat and since I can't teach you how to behave properly right now I'll take my leave."

"I'm actually done myself, want to grab a quick breakfast Logan before we call it a day?" Shiva gave him a wink and Logan jumped off the stool.

"Love to!"

"No! Don't! You're breaking the rules again Doc! Separate lives! You can't start hanging around with my friends!" He wanted to be patient, he tried to pretend that James' tone and how desperate he said those words didn't cut him up but he had enough. He turned fisted James' hair again, took a bite of his chin and then locked the hazel eyes with the dark.

"James…"

"Yes Kitty...?" James' body filled with dread, he felt like he was back in the examination room and he was Logan's puppet once more.

"Fuck! The! Rules!" A sloppy kiss and Logan pushed him back, making him tumble, James had to grab the bar table in order to keep himself standing.

"Doc!" He was about to snap but when he saw the dead sad expression Logan had and that his eyes were misty with tears he froze still.

"Don't hog the ball for long or I'll put you in the penalty box along with that other tool or even worse…Ready to go Shiva?" His voice was filled with such melancholy and such fear that James could only stare.

"Let me grab my purse…"

"Logan you're being a dick!" James finally howled as Logan placed his hands in his coat and headed for the exit, he suddenly turned and Shiva noticed they were a mirror, pained expressions and eyes that screamed read my mind.

"Then do something about it James and do it soon because I am losing myself over this! Have a nice day! Call me! Don't! Just know that I want to play with you and one round at a time isn't enough anymore!"

"Kind of needy aren't we all of a sudden! You think you're a big boy now don't you Logs?!"

"Well that's what you wanted me to be so it's your fucking fault BAR BOY!" He stormed out of the club Shiva trailed behind him but before she left she turned and gave a flustered James a kind reassuring look.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him. I think he'll listen to me, Magician to High Priestess."

"Whatever…" He mumbled like a child and sighed when he was left all by himself, thinking that if Logan asked him he would probably humor him and have breakfast with him instead of his best friend. And then Chelsea returned with two espressos in hand, trying to get in Logan's good side with ulterior motives in mind.

"Is he gone? Did you ask him for a trio?"

"Chelsea bite me! I'm going home I actually want to go see my mother off! She's leaving today for a week! THANK GOD ONE LESS DRAMA QUEEN IN MY LIFE!"

"Drop dead Diamond! Hey, wait come back here! I'm not locking this place up by myself! We have to do the kitchen and the bathrooms! DIAMOND I'M TELLING THE BOSS!"

* * *

Logan was wiping his sweaty forehead and he was trying to regain his composure when he felt a hand on his shoulder and then he turned and saw Shiva, he looked at her with disappointment because in his heart of hearts he wished it was James.

"Better now?"

"Getting there, sorry I snapped."

"Understandable, you're trying to take a step forward and James is acting like a child."

"Yeah he and me both…"

"That's true too. Do you actually want to go have breakfast with me because I'll understand it if you're too tired."

"If I go back to my apartment right now I'll probably call someone I really don't want to talk to and make the situation even worse, if that's even possible. So yeah, I'm in."

They made their way to a small coffee shop up the street, ordered some food and a cup of de-caff each and they sat across each other, they looked tired and nervous and silence took over for a few minutes and then when Logan finally couldn't take it anymore he asked the question that was tearing him apart.

"Am I being too aggressive with him? I thought he wanted me to take charge but he keeps pushing my buttons and I don't know when to stop."

"Depends on what your goal is really." Her answer was immediate and she suddenly seemed detached, it reminded Logan of how the senior doctors at work drilled the interns not to get too emotionally involved with patients.

"Well, my goal…wait a sec, how much of this is going to reach James' ears?"

"Nothing, contrary to what he believes James isn't much of a listener, not in things that involve him at least, he'll ask me sure, but if I start telling him things he doesn't want to hear he'll throw a hissy fit like the spoiled little prince he was raised to be. He's a regular narcissus that one."

"Can't blame him, he worked hard on the image ever seen his high school photo?"

"The one with the zits? Oh, yeah! I had a shirt made with it and gave it to him as a birthday present last summer."

"And he didn't kill you?"

"He laughed and then he threw a karaoke party for his birthday, so he could just get back at me, I am many things in this life a Muse I am not. Now back to you, what was your goal initially?"

"I…I want him to open up you know? Get to know him, really get to know him, spend some time with him, more than just an hour in a hotel or a backroom and I want the personal information to come from him, he slips a few times but he pulls right back."

"That's a tall order you have there."

"Why? Cause of his commitment issues?"

"It's partially that, it's also because he doesn't know if you're really single or not." Logan cracked up like a maniac suddenly; it made her flinch a little.

"He doesn't ask, he avoids it, if he would I'd tell him!"

"You'd tell him what?"

"That I'm tired of going back and forth between a man that has hurt me over and over again for reasons that still remain unknown, and a man that could hurt me and yet the only thing he's done is make me happy with a single smile. I'm tired of all the guilt trips and the self-inflicted pain. I feel like I'm almost ready to move on and I want to try something more serious with him if he's willing. He called me needy back there, well I am, I'm addicted to him and him only and I haven't felt like this for anyone else in my entire life let alone my ex. If James asks I'd jump off a cliff for him, I'm ready to make my choice. And the problem is he's not or he is and he's not ready to face it yet…Damn it! What a mess this is…"

"It's not a mess; it's the red thread of destiny actually."

"Yeah you said that earlier what is that anyways?"

"Alright let's see if you can keep up with me Doctor Mitchell. This is directly from my thesis and it has to do with translating old myths, proverbs and societal roles into more modern interpretations. Let's break it down for you, do you believe in soul mates?"

"I believe in love sure, I know it has a lot to do with how the brain functions and chemical reactions but eventually that dies out but yeah I think two people can work it out in the long run if they have understanding and respect for each other."

"That's determination and free will; it's not what I asked you, I'm talking about the exact opposite actually. I'm talking about finding someone out there that is just for you and being with that person despite of everything because you can't survive a second without him. I am talking about fate, destiny, and karma. Your one and only if you will, do you believe in that?"

"Well every time you fall in love you think like you've found that person, James told me the night we met…"

"James doesn't know shit about real mating Logan. I take it you do know that some animals mate for life."

"Yeah but humans don't fall under that category, it's all about passing down the genes with us."

"In general but there are exceptions, you for instance, you're gay, that doesn't mean you can't be a parent though, even a better one from what society labels as the norm, BUT before you make that choice you usually search for a partner to take that journey with you, someone compatible with you, physically, mentally, emotionally, someone to cover your needs. And I believe and the old philosophers of this world agree with me that it can only be one person, your soul mate."

"Oh come on there are billions of people out there how do you find him, how do you even know? What if you miss him? What if a track runs you over? Is the person left behind supposed to be alone for the rest of his life?"

"Well, not everyone has a special someone out there mind you, some people just aren't meant to be happy, and there's always the chaos factor, and on regards on how you find that person, and here comes the spiritual side of the spectrum, the Japanese people, Amaterasu bless them, came up with a theory of sorts a long time ago. You see they say there is a string, a red invisible thread that comes out from your heart circles around your right little pinky and connects you with your other half. They call it the red thread of destiny, you like most people call it compatibility, I call it the definition of a soul mate description."

"I think you're giving me a brain hemorrhage…"

"And I think you found yours, James. Lucky bastards…"

"Right, we have an invisible string that we can't see and we're soul mates. Now I get why James loses his color every time you come up in a conversation."

"Let's look on the material proof shall we Doctor? You said it yourself you haven't felt like this before for anyone, you also haven't done anything like this with anyone, and you and James despite driving each other crazy with all the juvenile antics keep having sex over and over again, place, time, and body limits all irrelevant, I mean if he texts you right now to go back to the club for a blowjob you'll go flying. You went from wallflower to unstoppable sex beast in less than a month, that's your body telling you that you found your one and only."

"I…you…this is so farfetched…it makes zero sense…it's like you randomly combined biology 101 with a proverb and…"

"You found your perfect mate and now you are trying to be with him 24/7 while at the same you try to establish which one of you is the alpha dog in the relationship since you both happen to be male, tell me does that sound crazy to you now?"

"…you need a therapist!"

"If I actually sit down on my computer and finish writing this I may get my psychoanalyst degree within the year. Oh, and now that I can see your reactions up close Doctor Mitchell let me tell you, you are his exact mirror image. EXACT!"

"So you're telling me that we found each other and he and I are destined to be together for life no matter what sooner or later?"

"Yup, sorry to break it to you but you don't get a choice. Despite what you may think everyone else is just a stand in basically, a way for the Cosmos to lampshade him. The problem is that James keeps running away because he's afraid to admit it, you keep going at it the wrong way because you want to control all the variables. In other words you're both stalling until you reach the point when you're ready to become one in every single way possible until the cruel but also inevitable parting of the physical, which you also can't control mind you so my advice, start dealing with it now that you're still young because no one lives forever."

"I don't control anything! James and Jack…"

"Please, you have the upper hand in this relationship right now even Chelsea saw it earlier. It's not a bad thing per se but you've just buried yourself with so many responsibilities due to occupation that when it comes to romantic attachment you like to shift gears and paint yourself as the innocent victim. James does the same thing with his mom and school among other things. See, you're standing on equal ground." Logan just gaped at her, he wanted to scream, call her names, run, but he just stared at her face blank.

"You're mental, you do know that right?"

"I'm also hopefully a witch. I'm crossing fingers for someone famous, either a reincarnation of Morgan Le Fay or Circe, time will tell, I'll let you know when I have DNA proof." And from all the things she told him that morning that made the most sense of all.

* * *

"Mom I'm home!" James entered the penthouse solemn, head buzzing with a headache, body wracked with fatigue, but it was his heart that felt heavier and unbearable like he had an anvil stuck in his chest but the cause of that was Logan and not his work. He only wanted to see his mother off and collapse but as he received only silence for an answer he realized he was left alone.

"Typical…" He dragged his feet towards the sitting lounge when he found a piece of paper, and as he read it his mind snapped awake, it took him nanoseconds to take out his phone and call the dictator.

"What the blazes is this thing! Oops! Sorry Hilda, can you pass her over…it'll only take a minute, thanks! Hi mom, okay where were we? Oh yeah! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?"

"Don't shout James David! I woke up at dawn today while you were of dancing with strangers!"

"Oh, I'll shout alright! Let's ignore the fact that you left three hours earlier than you had to because you can't wait to get me off your hair, but you also leave behind a piece of paper with rules on the freaking coffee table! What am, I five?!"

"Are you done with the tantrum boy?"

"I'm just getting started! No parties! Don't touch the centerpiece! Don't play the piano! Don't cook! What am I supposed to eat Brooke!? Take out for a week!"

"Fifteen days actually there's a business convention I've been invited to attend so I'll be gone longer, and as for the contract I left, you can't really blame me James, last time I had to take Hilda with me on a trip you almost set the house on fire, "

"SHE FORGOT THE FUCKING STOVE ON AND I WAS AT WORK ALL NIGHT!"

"She says she didn't and since she does what she is told and doesn't bite the hand that feeds her I'll take her word over yours anytime. Anything else my boy?"

"Yeah, I hope the Diamond jet gets air raided by aliens!"

"I'll miss you too James, bye now mommy has a long flight ahead and some anorexic models to beat into shape."

"She hang up, bitch hang up…" He had to say it out loud in order to believe it, he reread Brooke's commandments again just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating and then his lips curled into a sardonic smile inspired by his mother's fatal miscalculation, she missed one, not that James cared about the others but still it was the one she didn't write down that made him giggle nonstop. He was so pumped up with rage and the opportunity to even the score with Logan that he forgot how frustrated and confused he felt only minutes ago, it took him even less time to make the second call and he took immense pleasure when he heard Logan's sheepish voice.

"James…"

"Already in bed Doc? It's only been an hour since you went on your little morning stroll with my ex best friend, don't tell me you girls didn't have anything to talk about?"

"I just got home and I dozed off on the couch, did you make up your mind on what you want to do with me or what?"

"I don't know I'm still thinking about it after the stand you pulled earlier, it's not nice to shove people Tiger, in bed or on the floor in our case, you can be as rough as you want with me but I want you to respect me too, no scratch that I want you to worship me or else."

"I'm trying to be patient with you James and you're not exactly helping…"

"It better not happen again, you can abuse me all you want when the clothes are off but I want you to be the perfect gentleman in front of other people, I don't want them to know you have a dark side, that belongs to me...at least for now…"

"It's the now part that drives me insane! I can't take it anymore! Don't you get it James, don't you want it?! Am I the only one who feels like this? Seriously don't put this on me, it takes two for the vertical tango, you taught me that, I made it very clear on what I want, would it really kill you if you give me some more of your time?"

"That's kind of hypocritical of you, you do know that right, didn't Jackass ask more time, did you give it to him? And the other day I know you thought of him, you were fucking me but your mind was thinking of him!"

"That's a low blow James and I wasn't…"

"Don't lie to me Logan! Be honest with me here, were you or weren't you taking it out on me the other day?"

"Fuck! Yes, yes I was! But you said you didn't mind if I used you, isn't this really what we're doing here! We use each other to run away from crap? Do you know how trapped I feel in all of this? Like some unseen force decided to screw my life over again and again, every fucking day since Jack left! I thought I wasn't alone, I thought…"

"Look Logan maybe it's time we put a stop on this…things have gotten too mixed up…"

"Don't go there. You have no right to play the coward's card anymore James."

"Oh, really? What other options do we have Logan? We're hurting each other over here!"

"Forward. I know it's a dead end, I'm not stupid I can see it but I want to move my life forwards. Remember the hotel? We agreed to do this no matter the heartache. I'm in this, cause I want you. The question is where do you stand?"

"You're demanding things I can't give you Logan!"

"James you're over thinking this! The only thing I'm asking you is a decent shot! A date or something! What are you so afraid of?"

"I've told you! You! You scare me! I've got all these feelings for you and you're toying with me!"

"What...what did you just say…?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you or something Kitty? Of course I care about you, it's been a month now for crying out loud, I'm human you know and you're really something else…"

"And don't you want more, don't you want to know me…"

"It's not that easy for me Logan, how am I supposed to say goodbye when we hit that damn wall if I fall for you? If he comes back and..."

"You are not in competition with him James trust me. I'm not much of a prize anyways…"

"I hate it when you do that to yourself, it makes me want to beat all your insecurities with a stick."

"Funny, that's how I feel about you sometimes but it's not just the insecurities…"

"So what do we do now Logie?"

"How about we go to bed and we talk later…For the love of God it's ten in the morning!"

"Didn't even notice…see you're not the only who's lost his mind…"

"Good to know, go to bed James…"

"You're proud of yourself for keeping me up with all this drama, aren't you perv?"

"A little…go to bed damn it…"

"I hate you sometimes Doc, you know that…"

"Well, I hate you too obviously but I also…"

"DON'T SAY THE OTHER THING!"

"I wasn't going to say the three little words James, relax! I was just going to say I care! Bye scaredy-cat…I'm hanging up now…"

"Why don't you go hang yourself up Logs! Crap! He got a confession from me and hung up, the bastard hang up…and I forgot to ask him if he could come over! THAT MANIPULATIVE SON OF A BITCH!"

The empty house was filled with a maddening pathetic laughter before James finally went to his bed defeated. When he woke up hours later and with a clear head, he thought that maybe a date wasn't too much to ask, but he would do it in his own terms, and if Logan couldn't follow them, he would kill him for it.

* * *

More days passed by and nothing changed, but Logan was full of patience now, his worries were alleviated somewhat after the phone call, the only thing that haunted him was that sooner or later Jack would come back, and he had to confront him about who cheated on who first, but he pushed it back in the corners of his mind, because it was secondary to him now, inevitable but secondary. He and James were standing on thin ice, but one thing was certain, except for their past, nothing tied him with Jack now.

He was standing behind the observation glass in a surgery room taking notes silently praying for the patient to pull it through when his beeper rang. It wasn't an emergency code or anything, it could wait so he let it slide and he returned his eyes on the task at hand, it was an hour later when he went to the front desk to ask about it, felling a little jubilant that his prayers were answered, when he saw James waiting for him, smiling at him like a serial killer.

Logan pulled him in a corner away from prying eyes and they begun to talk in low whisper, and if his mere presence wasn't enough James zeroed their small distance and totally ignored Logan's personal space, making his heart pump like crazy and his eyes go wild with fear.

"Wow! I knew you could blow me, but I didn't think you could do it for this long."

"James what are you doing here? This isn't the bar; you can't just come in here and expect me to drop everything."

"That's exactly my plan for you. What time do you get off today?"

"I have like three hours ahead of me, why? Don't tell me you came to pick me on a date or something?"

"Nope, nothing like that. Well, it's sort of like that…alright, listen up, I want you to prove that I'm more important to you than what's-his-name, and if you do it I'll give you something better than a date."

"What? You want me to skip work or something? I can't do that James."

"No you can, you can finish up today and then go ask for a couple of days off, I mean you're entitled for a personal leave aren't you?"

"For an actual reason! Not to have sex with my fuck buddy!"

"For two days straight…"

"What?"

"For two days, I asked two days off and I got them, it's your turn…"

"James it's at the last minute! You should have texted me or called me about this…"

"It's not that fun when you're under the pressure is it Logs? And weren't you the one who wanted me to fuck the rules? I have an empty house so here I am fucking the rules first and you a close second, make your choice…"

"I don't have a choice...not with that damn thread around my throat…"

"You let Shiva mind screw you, didn't you?"

"Don't laugh, it's not funny…"

"Oh, it sure is from where I'm standing. Now tell me what are you going to do? Do I need to start counting or something?"

"No, I'll just go lie to the chief again! If I lose my job over this James, I swear I'm gonna…"

"Fuck me like there's no tomorrow, that's the only thing you're capable of doing with me Tiger."

"Yeah, probably that…"

"Good, now get going, I'll go have lunch or something when you're done call me and I'll come back and pick you up."

"I have your address you know, I can come to you by myself. If everything works out and the chief of surgery doesn't skin my hide…"

"Ah no, better if you know I'm looming over you, so you can try your best, also tell your boss that your hide, your ass in particular is my property and hands off…" James leaned in, low enough for a kiss but he didn't give in he waited for Logan to surrender first, Logan was shaking, biting his lip, this is what he wanted, James not giving him space to breathe, and now he was promised just that, he knew that there was no way that James' façade could hold in the prolonged time of forty-eight hours, he parted his mouth finally to seal the deal when a voice behind him made him jump.

"Doctor Mitchell! There you are! Follow me please I have a case for you my lad!"

"Be right there Doctor Abbot! As for you…I'll deal with you later…"

"I love it when you growl…"

"Take your time Logan; meet me at the elevators…SOMEBODY PAGE ME TRODLE AND TELL HIM TO GET HIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A DOCTOR UP IN CARDIO!" The senior doctor gave Logan a nod and a quick hello to James and then left them in their corner, James stared at Logan grinning and Logan had a childish expression on his face.

"Admit it Kitty, you have them eating from the palm of your hand acting all pious and innocent haven't you?"

"It wasn't an act before you came along!" Logan took a long exasperated breath, and left him as quickly as possible before he could further jeopardize his professional integrity.

"Right behind you Doctor Abbot!" As Logan dashed behind his senior and tried his best to return his focus on work again for at least the rest of his shift, he felt James staring at his back unfortunately he didn't turn to see his loving face and he couldn't hear the words that escaped his mouth.

"Adorable…so adorable I could eat you up…do your best sweetheart…make me proud…"


	9. Chapter 9

A Game Of You

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: James/Logan

Rating: M

Warnings: Language Smut

A/N: If I can keep you, you can keep me, if you hold my hand I will hold yours, if you review I will be forever grateful now more than ever before. I love you each and every single one of you that takes time to read this! Thank you all I'll see you soon I hope! I love this too much to let it go, it, no, you are my source of strength! May the New Year bring you health and an everlasting smile!

P.S DOMINANT LOGAN WAS NOT A PART OF THIS STORY ORIGINALLY! SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF WARNING!

"…and we're here, step right in."

"What, no trumpets? Shouldn't there be trumpets and a red carpet with roses sprinkled on? I'm shocked and offended my good man!" James led Logan inside the penthouse trying to keep his murdering impulses in check, because from the moment they got out of the cub and stepped in James' upper class side neighborhood Logan wouldn't stop making snarky jokes about his financial status using a fake annoying British accent to boot.

"And even though there is no butler to greet us either I have to say Prince James I am thoroughly impressed, this is quite the little palace you have here! Would you look at that! A crystal chandelier! How marvelous, and marble floors I can even see my face! Hello there Doctor Mitchell, how fares you? And you got a fireplace..."

"I'll take your coat pervert! And can you drop it with the rich jokes because I'm already regretting bringing you here!" Logan turned around and faced his host, he still smiled like a snake but his eyes were glowing with warmth, he kissed his lips softly and he wrapped his arms around James' waist.

"What? I'm happy; can't I be happy that I'm here Jamezy?"

"I'm not falling for that innocent little act of yours you uncaring little bastard..."

"Whatever shall I do then to amuse you my beautiful prince..." Logan shut the front door by pressing James' body against it, his hands trailed everywhere and he kissed him again with more force, until James found the strength to fight back, with his own tongue as a weapon, with grinding teeth and strong arms, the coat was discarded on the floor James' shirt was soon to follow if Logan had his way but James suddenly broke contact gasping for air.

"Logan stop it!"

"What now! I've wanted to jump you since we left the hospital James!"

"I think I got that when you cupped my thigh in the cub Tiger! Relax we'll get our freak on, I just wanted to explain the rules first." And while James lighted up like a Christmas tree Logan turned morbid.

"More rules! Oh, come on James! You said we could screw the rules this time!"

"Yeah but these are new rules, these are the house rules and you better listen to them or I'm kicking you out!"

"Fiiine! But don't expect me to like them..."

"Trust me Logan, you're gonna love this set..." He took him by the hand and led him to the center of the living room and then he paced in slow circles around him, hands behind his back for theatrical effect, Logan was pouting but he didn't focus his gaze on him, he looked around the house in a funny way, it reminded him of a surgery room, clean desterilized and cold.

"Rule number one, you're not allowed to wear any clothes during your stay here especially from the waist down, I want easy access…" Logan smiled and unbuckled his belt, he dropped his pants in nanoseconds, his underwear he threw across the room not even caring where it landed, James stopped and leaned forward on his back, his breath fell on Logan's neck, a hand rubbing his throat, the other around him, stroking him to full mast and Logan felt his deep voice vibrate and ran inside his blazing body.

"Rule number two, I don't care how tired you are, you're not allowed to say no…we're not stopping until we're both sweaty, exhausted and satisfied, is that clear?"

"Crystal…" James pressed himself on him, Logan could feel the beast constricted in the jeans stirring and trying to break free, he went to unzip him but James grabbed his wrist with force, more war bruises, more marks, Logan thought, he imagined his entire body would be a banner or a map by the time they were done with the day.

"Rule number three, nothing's taboo, nothing's forbidden, I want you to break loose Logie, I want you to owe me, with your tongue, with your fingers, just imagine we're back in the examination room and we never left…"

"I'll fuck you to oblivion James…I'm so hard for you right now…no more rules please…I'm burning up…" James stopped jerking him suddenly, he kissed him twice, the second one unintended and then he grinned with a smile that almost seemed malicious.

"Let's cool you down then, you need a shower, you reek of hospital."

"What! NO! Later James! I'll take a shower later!"

"Nope, follow me Doc, I want you squeaky clean if you're dirty it's going to be because of me, get it?" James walked away, he seemed composed somehow too, he reached a corridor when he noted Logan wasn't following him, he turned and saw him frozen and flustered glaring with hurt eyes, and he erupted with laughter when Logan broke down.

"Are we even going to have sex or are you going to keep on yanking my chain around for two days?!"

"We'll see, you'll have to earn it first…" Logan walked next to him mumbling curses and empty threats, lost in his anger he didn't notice James' eyes or the adoration in them.

As they passed rooms and closed doors Logan noted a pattern in the pictures on the walls, in most of them there was James surrounded by friends or what looked like family members in various places and in various times of his life, he looked happy and blissful and it made Logan smile, even the one that James was obviously drank with two scantily dressed women in his arms, it was still his bartender and he was falling for him flaws and all.

But there was also another woman in some of them, who didn't even share a single photo with James, she was surrounded by men in business suits and people Logan actually recognized, from show business or the news, rich, famous and powerful men, and even though she was smiling too Logan found it unnerving.

"Is this your sister?"

"God no! That's my mom!"

"Ah, okay it's just that she looks a little young…" He wanted to press further, ask if any of the men in the pictures was James's father but he kept his mouth shut knowing it could very well lead into a pointless fight and make James go on the defensive.

"That's just the botox and the makeup, although I swear the way she's out of town all the time she could have easily had serious plastic surgery and I'd never know about it."

James led him into his room, it wasn't like Logan imagined it would be, for one thing it was kind of small, the bed was a single and the decorative items chaotically placed across it were mismatched and seemed like out of place.

Logan picked a few up, feigning indifference and then he realized they were just cheap things from across the world, a dragon made of plastic that was brought from Taiwan or an actual sombrero bought in Mexico and there was a little snow globe with a moose inside that had a crack on the surface, it was either from Finland or Germany Logan couldn't tell.

"You've been around?"

"Yeah we covered that the night we met didn't we Doc?"

"No, I mean you've traveled around."

"We used to travel when I was a kid and mom was setting up the family business, she used to take me with her back then." James felt the urge to unburden but he kept it bottled in, he didn't want Logan's pity or to lose the mask it took him years to build, it was a mistake from his part because Logan would never pity him, he just didn't have faith.

"This is my bathroom, there are towels and an extra bathrobe in the cabinet but do not touch the Cuda products or I will maim you, use the regular shampoo got it Doc?"

"Aren't you going to join me?"

"Nope take your time I'll go cook some spaghetti for later, we'll be famished by nightfall."

"You're stalling again James…"

"I'm being a gentleman with you Logie, also we have two nights no need to rush this…"

"But I want you…"

"I can see that big guy and I want you to take a shower and stretch yourself for me but don't touch that cock, you're only coming when I can see you…" James kissed him smiling and Logan sighed, he stepped into the shower and James closed the door and left only after hearing the water ran, giddily he congratulated himself for a successful phase one.

"James?" Logan stepped out twenty minutes later wrapped in the bathrobe and still dripping water, he hoped to find James naked and in bed but there was no sign of him, he walked out of the room and went in search of the kitchen but he suddenly stopped when he heard James calling him across the house.

"Over here Doc…I'm over here…" Logan turned around and saw a trembling light coming out of a half-opened door, he wanted to break into a sprint but as his heartbeat quickened he felt his legs go weaker with each single step he took.

"James…?" It was another bathroom only it didn't have a shower, it had a jacuzzi instead, and the only source of light in the room was coming out of candles, spread in circles around the tub, and in the steaming bubbling water James waited for him half smiling, a hand stretched out to Logan beckoning him in.

"Come here Logan, it's time for you to worship me…" Logan bit his lips and threw the bathrobe down, he stepped in James' arms shaking, there were tears forming in his eyes moved by the sight but the sadness vanished with the first kiss, the fear, the anxiety, all were burned by his incurable hunger, his hunger and lust for his sweet tormentor.

"Now who's toying with whose feelings James…?" Hands under the surface of the water, bodies surging, lips smashing together followed by warring tongues, voices quivering and loins on fire.

"What? I can't make you happy, don't tell me this doesn't make you happy…"

"How do you think it makes me feel James? You're being cruel to me again…"

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry Tiger, I can't help it when I'm around you, I can't even think anymore, I have no self-control, I don't think I just…"

"It's my fault again huh? I think I can live with that tonight, but just for tonight my prince…try not to hurt me any further okay?"

"I'll do my best Logan, that's the only thing I can tell you, I'll try to spare you from any more heartache…"

"Liar, my sweet liar, you're going to break my body first and then my heart…"

James had a bottle of lube placed behind him, alongside a pack of condoms, but he didn't bother with it at least, he forced his index into Logan, making him mewl and smile between their passionate kissing, while Logan straddled himself around him feeling the head naked and raw tease his entrance, he looked down at James with sick glee in his dark eyes.

"I'm made for you James, why can't you see that you blind, blind fool…" James growled with pleasure, Logan latched himself on him devouring his neck, James gasped and with his eyes shut he kept searching for the condoms, but Logan was relentless with his attack, James had to turn their bodies around and pin him against the tiled wall in order to finally grab one.

"Prove it baby, scream my name until your voice cracks, open wide and take me all in and keep me inside you for as long as you can…" James rose the lower half of his body out of the water's surface, Logan took the condom from his hand and ripped the wrapping off looking at it with utter hate, he knew it was a necessity and it was James' last true line of defense but in the darkest corners of his mind there was nothing more that he desired but to feel James' naked skin inside of him, he had to content himself with the few quick licks he took before spreading the latex.

"You'll suck me later baby...come on open up now…" Logan fell on his embrace once more, and as James entered him he threw his head upwards screaming his name, the room was spinning, there was water splashing everywhere, their bodies melted becoming one in the heat.

James hit that cluster of nerves almost immediately and he rammed it with merciless pounds and Logan wanted to explode but the only thing he could do was exhale and inhale the air coming out of James' mouth as they devoured each other over and over, again and again.

"God Logan! So fucking tight you're always so fucking tight! Why…"

"That's because I was made to please you, you fucking idiot! Harder James! More! Fuck me harder damn you!" James got up, Logan strapped on him, his spinal cord cried out due to the weight and the contact was lost for a few precious seconds, it made Logan mewl and bite his lip as a complaint then he whimpered like a dog when James reentered him, he could only slide downwards taking it all in and nothing else mattered to him only the pain shooting up in his body, the sweetest pain he would ever feel in his entire life.

"Feel that Logie…feels good doesn't it my pervert…?"

"You're so good James…strong, big, perfect…" James couldn't take the pressure for long he lowered Logan down on his back, on the tiled surface surrounding the tub among the candles but for him only Logan's skin shined with the mix of water and sweat. The inferno surrounding Logan was nothing compared to the one he felt building in his insides with each stroke, he stopped his movements completely he surrendered everything to James, and James finished his conquest by finally letting go of his entirety and tumbled into a long orgasm.

Logan refused to follow him though he had to save his strength, he opened his shut eyes and he felt tears running down his cheeks, he saw James writhing above him and kissed his sweaty forehead trying his best to help him regain control over his broken body.

"Don't be sad it's over Jamie…that was just round one…it'll be my turn next and I'll make you feel better…I'll hurt you really good like the way you want it…" He kissed his lips softly and held him in his arms and James' heart cried out in his chest, this was what he desired most of all, Logan whispering his name in adoration, promising to serve him, please him, own him, he wished he wasn't a coward, he wished things were simpler, but he was just too scared and fought back his feelings.

The first thing that James wanted to say when he finally settled was what he had locked away in his heart, how Logan was pure in his eyes, precious, irreplaceable to him, but instead he said nothing and pulled away, Logan slid next to him and he rested his head on James' shoulder looking at the trembling candles like one of them held his very life.

"James…"

"Yeah…?"

"Did you cook anything at all or were you setting this up instead?"

"We'll order something up later. How does pizza sound?"

"Good, it sounds good but you're paying since you're the host and everything…"

"Ah, now that you see how rich I am, it's okay for me to pay huh Doc?"

"Yeah, that and I like the idea of being your call girl tonight…" They kissed and stayed in the jacuzzi until all the candles went out, but they did it in silence, anything else would be too much of a risk for both of them.

"What are you doing with those pants?!" James caught Logan red-handed, he had left him alone to clean the mess they made in the jacuzzi room and he found him with his shirt back on and picking up his pants from the floor.

"What do you think James? I'm cold! It's almost December you idiot, it's going to be raining cats and dogs outside by tomorrow! You really don't expect me to leave myself exposed to pneumonia do you?"

"I was very clear with the rules! I demand easy access!"

"Fine, I won't wear the pants! But I'm not catching my death because of you Diamond, you'll just have to give me something casual to wear! Besides you're dressed, you even combed your hair princess! Rules go for the both of us you know!"

"Okay, okay stop bitching Kitty! Jeez, it's like you're going through your period sometimes! Follow me!" He led him back into his room and opened his closet door and then he stepped inside flicking the light switch on his side, Logan took a step in but he erupted with laughter with the sight in front of him.

"Carey called she wants her closet back!"

"Now I'd be insulted but that just so happens to be my all time favorite show so I'll take it as a compliment."

"No wonder the room seems so small you could fit an MRI machine in here!"

"You once promised you wouldn't judge me remember? What happened to the timid little dork I…here try these on!" It took Logan a few seconds to take the sweatpants that James passed him, because his mind filled in the blanks and his heart almost imploded from his chest with the realization of what was almost said, but he saw James' expression grave and the dread in his eyes and didn't say a word, he wore what he was given and turned away to explore the almost endless lines of racks and shelves that filled the room, giving James time to compose himself.

"What do you want with all these clothes anyways?"

"I work in a club and my mother drags me to gala after gala, besides they make me feel good. I worked for them, I paid for them and they make me look like a stud."

"Yeah I get that part, it's the extravagance I don't get, for instance bandanas?"

"Bandanas are cool!"

"Alright then why do you need both those and the beanies for? It's not like you have to hide your hair, you have perfect hair."

"True but their color coordinated with the shoes."

"All of them? Even these flip-flops? Sunday August 4rth, wait a second…OH MY GOD YOU HAVE SET THEM UP UNTIL NEXT YEAR!"

"Stop laughing Logan stop…" The hysterical laughter was contagious and it ended with a kiss, it was tender and slow, and it meant the world to Logan, it gave him courage seeing the walls around James' heart crumble with each minute, still he almost stuttered when he asked.

"Give me something…"

"What?"

"Something to remember you by, I don't care what it is, I just want something of yours…"

"You still have my underwear to sniff perv."

"That's different I sorta stole that, now I want you to give me something James, like can I have that tie for instance?"

"Which one, that one, the red one? I haven't worn that one yet, it's still in the package box, if you want it to mean something…"

"I can make it mean something, something you'll never forget James…" His features darkened, he took the tie from the shelf and after taking it out he discarded the package on the ground and that wasn't the only thing he took, a scarf, a few bandanas, it wasn't until James saw him take a leather belt though that his survival instincts woke up.

"Crap…Logan you've completely lost it…"

"I think we've covered that…here I'll give you a head start and count to three, start running…"

"Fuck me Doc…" James turned and broke into a sprint, to his credit he made it out the door.

"On three…THREE!" The wolf chased his prey around the house, James laughed not realizing the gravity of the situation, it fueled Logan, it made him go faster, he cornered him more than once, James fought his way out with playful shoves and stolen kisses, it wasn't until they returned to his bedroom that Logan went for the kill, he tackled him and threw him on the floor, James grumbled and giggled but then he felt Logan's weight on his back and the belt around his neck, Logan didn't apply any force but still the mere sense of leather on his skin made his blood freeze.

"Did you know James, asphyxiation can cause dizziness, paralysis, and before death it can even cause erection…" His breath fell warm on the back of his neck, his voice was deep and honeyed sweet, but it was also vaguely threatening, terrifying, it sapped James of his will to fight it made him see the world in grays.

"Can I have you my sweet James…let me have you…?"

"Logan cut it out you're scaring me…"

"I'd rather kill you if I can't have you…I'd rather die if you're not mine…" James grumbled when Logan's teeth ravaged his cheek, he was trembling when his tongue lavished his earlobe but most of all his lungs were burning for air but Logan simply didn't care anymore.

"Logan…"

"I'll let you go…I won't keep you I swear just let me have you anyway I want…"

"…you can have me, I'm yours do with me as you please my tiger…"

"Thank you…" Logan got up, he seemed towering tall to him now but his face remained childlike, with that broken sad expression that drew James to him in the first place, he gave a hand out to help James up and despite his better judgment James took it, only for Logan to twist his wrist and make him give out a fever pitched painful moan, he let him go immediately and grabbed him by the neck line of his shirt, kissed his lips and pushed him on his bed. James felt like a rag doll, like he was Logan's little toy and a primal part of him was overjoyed with that reality.

He didn't fight back when Logan straddled himself on him and used the belt and the bandanas to tie his arms on the head bed, the silk tie was left loose around his neck, he kissed him back every time Logan's tongue darted in his mouth, but soon the mouth wasn't enough for the wolf.

Logan tried to rip the shirt off but he couldn't control his body's movements anymore or his own strength, he lifted it above and behind James' head finally giving up, it was good enough, he gained access on James' sweated heaving chest, on his nipples, on his abs, and he proceeded to mark his territory dripping saliva and taking bites of his flesh.

"You're endless James where do I even start…"

"Logan don't stop…keep going break loose…"

"Mine...this is mine…" He plunged his head between James' parted legs and he licked around the diagram of his bulge but he didn't free James of his sweatpants, he was enjoying the grunts James gave out too much to do it so soon.

It seemed like a slow eternity had passed away for James by the time Logan stopped with his teasing and crawled upwards to him to kiss his lips again, he took his member out and surged it on James' face only to take it back at the last second before James could taste it, but the second time he tried it James was faster and caught it in his mouth making Logan moan.

James felt him hardening inside him, Logan rocked his hips forwards suddenly and built a violent pace and before James knew it the air in his lungs had ran out again, he was choking, pleading with his eyes for him to stop, Logan only let him go so he could kiss him once more and used the tie to force him back to the task.

"For all your boasting James you need practice…I'm far better at blow jobs than you but since you're at it coat these too…" He broke away of James' mouth and replaced his dick with his fingers and even though the cruel remark had hurt his pride James did what he was told knowing what would follow.

"That's it, like they're made of candy…good boy prep me up…you need your medicine Jamezy again, the one only I can give you…"

When his fingers were coated and wet Logan sled down again, he freed him and himself from the excessive clothes and buried first his head and then his index into James.

"Aw God! Logan fuck!"

"You like that huh? Here have another…" His tongue swirling on his genitals two fingers scissoring and parting his walls, James mewled and fought for freedom, simply because he wanted to grab Logan's hair, Logan was intoxicated and drunk of James' musky sweat, he swallowed the pre-cum like a man lost in the desert for days looking for water, let James fight, Logan had no intention of letting him go.

"Logan please untie me! I want to hold you! I want to touch you!"

"Tough luck handsome…didn't you know? Apparently I'm a control freak and you, you're my property tonight!" He climbed back up again, their tongues danced like flame, Logan's body surged on James' non-stop. James mumbled something that Logan didn't hear, he tried once more to fill his lungs with air to say it again but Logan twisted the tie around his neck and held him in his mouth until James felt a numbness fall over his body and even Logan himself gasped for air when he let his lips go.

"…top drawer…condom…please…"

"NO!"

"Logan please…you're killing me...just do it…" He cursed him with his entire being and almost broke the nightstand's drawer apart, there was hate in his eyes mixed with his desire, it hid away all the maddening love he had for his prey, because he had accepted that he wanted all of him and James was still holding on straws and excuses.

He wore the latex, constricting and cold, and for that James had to pay, he parted his legs violently without holding back he rammed him with all his strength, James cried out, Logan didn't care, he took himself out, he drove himself back in with the same vigor splitting his toy in two, and he held on to that pace, with a sick smile on his lips as James' entire world fell apart.

"Like that bitch?! Tell me, do you want me to stop?!"

"No! Please no!"

"Good…say that I'm the best! From all of them, from all you ever had! I'll rip you apart, I'll give you everything! Everything I have James!" He stopped his pounding, lifted James' pelvis upwards and positioned himself between his parted legs he slapped his ass waiting for James to beg for him holding on his blazing breath.

"I…"

"Say it James…say it please…even if you don't mean it, lie to me tonight I won't ask anything else…"

"The best…the best I've ever had…the best I'll ever have Logan…"

"Good boy!" Like a screwdriver Logan plunged mercilessly inside of him, James could only moan in unison with his dominator, Logan felt the tingling that would lead him to his orgasm, after only a few thrusts he grabbed the tie with one hand in an effort to hold on, he immerged as deeply as he could once and exited his paradise took the condom out and after a few strokes with his free hand he splashed everything on James' sweaty body like cleansing rain.

James was allowed to lye his lower body down and Logan ignored the pain and the fatigue and took him in his mouth again, he wished James could hold on to his own orgasm longer but he couldn't, the only comforting thing about it was that he didn't receive any warning for it, just his warm sperm running down his throat, it was only then that Logan allowed himself to collapse on top of his god's body.

"Logan are you okay…?"

"Hmm, yeah I'm fine just need a minute…did you mean it James?" He looked up to him, his head still resting on James' heaving chest, the wild beating of his heart lulling the beast to sleep.

"Yeah I meant it, you're the best Doc, far better than me but I knew that from the moment I saw you…" He managed to kiss his forehead and Logan stirred settling on him blissful but when James saw his eyelids close the tenderness he felt building up inside him was replaced by panic.

"Logan are you going to untie me or what?!"

"Logie go nappy now…"

"LOGAN! Let me go of me you animal! I can't feel my arms! Logan wake up! STOP ACTING YOU PSYCHO!" Logan ignored James' desperate pleads and continued with his childish act for a full half hour before finally giving James his freedom back, before James entered the shower cursing though he passed the tie on Logan's neck, cheeks blushed red and eyes locked on the floor.

James took his revenge by nightfall when the pizza boy came. He had Logan open the door with the excuse he was the changing the stained covers of his bed, gave him a fifty and as Logan was waiting for the change he crept behind him grabbed him by the waist and shoved one hand in Logan's sweatpants.

"Keep the change!" James slammed the door on the shocked pimpled faced teenager, then he took the pizza boxes from Logan's shaking hands and proceeded to the kitchen humming, he took a few steps and then turned back to check if the statue of Logan Mitchell was still breathing.

"Are we going to eat or what?"

"…I h-hate y-you…"

"No you don't, come on kitchen's this way or we could eat in the dining room, make a mess over there…" Logan took James' hand in his own, looked deep into his eyes and then with a sigh and all the seriousness he could muster he killed the stutter in his voice.

"…I really do hate you sometimes Jamie…" He kissed the back of his hand and let James lead him in whichever room he wanted the next round to take place, James did so shaking because he knew what Logan left unsaid but he didn't let go of his hand despite the goose bumps and his sweaty palm.

James settled for the living room, it was another cruel choice despite his better judgment, because he let Logan hold the food and went to get napkins and a blanket so they could eat in front of the large bricked fireplace.

Logan protested only with his eyes and a sad expression, he felt his heart twist and cry but he said nothing as James lit the fire and spread the blanket on the marble floor. Only when they sat down and James tried to move closer to him and stretch his arm around his shoulders did he finally pluck the courage to refuse him.

"No…"

"What?"

"Stop it…"

"Stop what?"

"You perfectly know what I'm talking about James! First the jaccuzi now this! I'm surprised you haven't had any violin music blasting in the background yet!"

"I'm a pretty decent piano player if you want…"

"Is this a joke for you James?! Toying with me like this?! You know I want more and you…"

"Can't you see I'm trying Logan?! I've never done all this shit for anyone else in my entire life! Ever!"

"Well I want you to stop, if you're going to take everything back by tomorrow I want you to stop right now!"

"I told you Logan I can't stop! It's like I'm free falling! You think I'm not terrified that I'll be the one left heartbroken when this ends Logs?"

"See, that's the problem, why does it have to end James? You said you cared for me the other day on the phone and I know you meant it so what's stopping you from really opening up to me? Because if its Jack let me tell you right now that I don't care if he gets run over by a bus!"

"Why? What did he do? You talked to him didn't you?"

"He…you're changing the subject James!"

"No, I simply refuse to believe that you stopped loving him just like that after all the guilt trips, and if you want me to open up you're going to do it too, so you go first."

"Alright, fine! I saw him the day before I gave you the prostate exam, he was with someone else…I think he…" Before he could say anything else and try to unravel the mess that his relationship with Jack had become in a way that made actual sense James broke down with laughter and started rolling around the floor.

"Do you see me laughing bar boy?!"

"Excuse me but Jackass moved on when you weren't looking! From where I'm standing it's pretty damn funny!"

"No it's not! He cheated on me! That's why he left in the first place! He and this girl in my building…"

"Girl? I saw his facebook, I had him pegged from his wall posts as completely gay, are you sure they…"

"No I am not! And frankly I don't give a damn anymore! I know what I want James!"

"Then why are you shouting Logan? Why are your eyes misty? Why are you acting all strong when you only want to fall apart?"

"Because I have no choice! I lost him and you're not giving us a chance and I'll end up alone and hurt and miserable!"

"So what am I supposed to be for you Logan, his replacement?!"

"No! Fuck James are you even listening to what I'm saying! I don't love him anymore I…" James kissed him forcefully then and took him in his arms, Logan shivered and whimpered and started crying on his shoulder like a child, James shushed him and stroked his head, he allowed Logan to let his pain out and all the confusing conflicting emotions that came with it, but stubbornly he refused to give his own heart the same courtesy, he heard his mother's voice echo in his mind whispering the family motto with a commanding voice: Diamonds don't crack and that kept the barriers from falling apart.

"You don't have to be brave for me Logan and I don't want you to lie to me either, I know you better than anyone, I don't know why or how but I do so stop lying to yourself, you do care about him at least as much as you care about me…"

"No…James I don't…you…I want to try with you…"

"You want to run away with me Logan, it's a strong feeling but it's not what you think it is baby…"

"Don't I get to make that choice?"

"Yeah, when the dust settles not like this, you're just confused because that moron hurt you and I…well, I'm fucking James Diamond, it's understandable."

"Arrogant little bastard…" Logan wiped his eyes and kissed him, once more the passion was eclipsed by the moment and James let a sad sigh out when they're lips parted echoing Logan's earlier one, they sat in heavy awkward silence staring at each other and refusing to look into the fire in front of them, James still holding Logan wrapped in his arms, but finally they remembered that the food was getting cold and used that pretense to return to normalcy.

"Your turn, I tried to be as honest as I could now it's your turn James and I get to ask the questions."

"You're going to throw that pizza slice on my face if I say I won't do this won't you?"

"For starters. Also you made the mistake of bringing a knife…"

"If this wasn't an expensive shirt I'd actually risk the blood stains."

"You're just wearing an overall shirt! Jesus Christ James…"

"You don't know brand names, do you Logs?"

"I don't give a rat's ass how much it costs James, can we have a normal conversation or what!"

"See, if we were a couple-couple this would be the point I'd break up with you!"

"That's how much you know about true love pretty boy."

"I don't wanna know! True love sucks!"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing…just ignore me, let's talk about something else! Music or movies, ask me what my favorite soundtrack is, you'll be surprised."

"James stop running and talk to me, what happened to you? Did somebody hurt you or something?"

"No, not me exactly I was just a casualty of war…"

"It has to do with your mom, doesn't it?"

"It's that obvious huh?"

"Well, yeah you freaked out earlier and during our video chat you said she used to make all the decisions for you when you were a teenager; you haven't mentioned your dad…"

"He doesn't deserve a mention."

"Why? What did he do?"

"Alright Detective Mitchell let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a catering boy who served hors d'oeuvres in this spoiled princess's sweet sixteen, he was very handsome, she was very pretty and after secretly dating for two years they got hitched in Vegas of all places like a modern day Romeo and Juliet. Fortunately for them her very, very rich father didn't skin their hides because she was carrying the most beautiful, talented, mesmerizing…"

"Jerkass the world had ever seen! So your mom and dad got married and they had you, then what happened?"

"The fairy tale died kitty that's what happened. Mom went to business school dad was forced to stay and change the diapers of the little bundle of joy, then grandpa David and grandma Mia died and mom took over the family business and became hell-bent to make it to the top to honor her father. Dad got bored of playing choo-choo train with junior and he first did the maid, then his best man and then he ran off with his wife's best friend, did I mention my mom was not shocked at all when I told her I'm bisexual?"

"Ouch…"

"Yeah, ouch…"

"Is that why you still stay here, to take care of your mom?"

"No I stay here for the high-definition TV set and the killer stereo, Brooke can take care of herself it's me she has a problem dealing with. You see she has quite a few countermeasures so I won't run away like dear old daddy, my trust fund, grandpa's will, vague insults that I am my father's son…"

"And you haven't spoken to him since he left?"

"Left, she kicked him out…I was seven I don't remember all the details, I just remember the shouting…and we talk don't worry, it's not like I have much choice on it, it's the only way I get to see my half-brothers and Brooke insists…"

"James…"

"Don't say you're sorry for me Logan, please don't…"

"I was going to say that you're pretty amazing Mr. Diamond and that you have every right to be scared of commitment after what you've been through…" He took a slice of pizza and used it to banish the tears threatening those beautiful hazel eyes that he loved so much, he let him take a bite and then he kissed him passionately to make him forget his sorrows like James had done for him a million times before, if Logan didn't want to fall deeper in love with James like the masochistic fool he was he would have had sex with him once more, instead he pushed him away gently and changed the subject from family to work.

"See now everything about you makes sense to me, well except the fact that for an alleged art student I've seen no sketch books, no paintings, no clay pots…"

"No, no we're not going there yet, I'm passing the ball to you, why did you become a doctor?"

"Remember back in school when we had to dissect a frog?"

"Remember? I had nightmares about it for weeks…"

"Well, back in high school I wasn't exactly mister popularity, I know big surprise there, so before class the jocks made fun of me that I would faint or squeal like a girl, I got so stubborn that I opened up that little sucker without even blinking."

"You're a very sick, sick man Logan Mitchell."

"Oh, it gets better, at the dinner table that night I started bragging about it too! I just couldn't stop talking about how I catalogued the organs and how I held the scalpel and how everyone else was making jokes and trying not to hurl their lunches, while I followed the procedure to the letter…"

"WE'RE EATING HERE DAMN IT!"

"That's what my mom said, but it was my little sister who back then was still a toddler and hardly knew two words that made me stop."

"What? Did she throw her food on you?"

"No she asked me why did I have to send frogy to heaven. Left me completely speechless, you see we've been close since day one, both my parents work long hours so I took care of her, she came to me for all her serious questions like babies and what number follows ten and if Santa's real and married with the Tooth Fairy, and I always had the answers, I was her hero, still am, part of the reason my parents were so accepting when I came out of the closet was because they didn't want to bring me down in her eyes. So anyway, I told her that Mr. Frogy was very, very sick and in pain but she wasn't satisfied with that, so I spend the night unable to go to bed trying to find a way to make it up to her."

"That's probably the most heartwarming thing I've ever heard, you're trying to be a doctor to make it up to your little sister for dissecting a frog, kind of disturbing but heartwarming nonetheless."

"Don't be ridiculous I bought her a Barbie and a puppy for it, I didn't become a doctor out of guilt over a dead frog."

"Okay now I'm confused."

"In the store when she kissed me as thanks for the puppy she said not to hurt anything again because she would be sad and cry and I told her that sometimes hurting someone makes him stronger, like when she falls, scrapes her knee gets a bandage and gets back up again, so she told me I should give the next frogy a bandage…"

"Awww…."

"Yeah, and because no good deed goes unpunished that little mutt ate my chemistry book and a few of my most prized Batman comics, and I was the one that had to walk it, clean after it…"

"You're blushing like a tomato Doc."

"I'm just a little flustered, it's the fireplace…"

"No, it's the fact that you're the coolest big brother in the world, I'm kind of jealous you know, my brothers barely tolerate me, the little monsters, while your sister worships you but I get that, you're the most adorable thing I've ever seen…"

"Shut up James…"

"Kiss me you idiot…"

"James…" It started with a simple kiss, soon Logan was on his back flailing like a fish and James was devouring his mouth again, he thought it would be impossible to feel the want so soon after their last time. His bones ached, his back was burning but he still felt desire grip him by the throat.

The only thing that made sense to him as an explanation was that maybe James' crazy friend wasn't wrong with her theory, maybe the fuel to all this lust was simply the fact that they were meant to be one man in the first place and their bodies fervently tried to show them how.

He couldn't take it anymore, the words kept spinning in his mind like a whirlwind eating the last traces of his sanity and dignity, he wanted to say them, scream them from the top of his lungs, those three little words James had banned as taboo, but James stopped kissing him suddenly and looked down on him with crazy eyes, Logan's throat dried, he heard James' voice and fell silent hoping he would say them first.

"You're so beautiful Logan Mitchell, your skin, your eyes…so many layers…if only I could see your core…"

"I'm not…compared to you I'm nothing James…I'm just a man…"

"You're wrong… I'll show you, if you let me I'll show you…"

"Do you want to do my sketch or something…?"

"No I'm thinking something new…can I break your heart a little more Logan? I know it's selfish of me to ask but…"

"It's not my heart anymore James…" He caressed his cheek and James lowered his head with shame, he pulled away and disappeared while Logan was left staring at the fire, cursing himself for coming out so strong or for holding those three words back, he couldn't decide which one was it he only knew he was mad with himself.

James returned with a strange shopping bag a towel and a pillow, he didn't look in Logan's eyes anymore but he couldn't back down from the urge either, the slumbered artist had awoken marching in his mind with a thousand ideas and James was taken over by the part of his own self that he tried to kill each single day since he walked out of school.

He took things out, brushes, vials a loin cloth among others while Logan looked intensely on his turned back. He hadn't seen this side of him before, cut off to a reality that seemed so far away and out of his reach, part of him was exhilarated part of him was scared.

"I haven't done this sort of thing before…"

"What short of thing?"

"You trust me don't you Logan?"

"Yeah I do, despite everything I do…"

"See I bought these for Shiva as a thank you present for all the crap she's put up from me lately…"

"What sort of paint is that?"

"Henna paint, I don't have my canvases anymore I threw them out a couple of years back."

"Why would you do that…wait you want to paint me! On me…"

"If you let me…it's not permanent and I know we just discussed that I should cut out all the romantic bull and spare you but Logan I can't say the words you want to hear, I'm sorry but I can't…I can only show you the best way I know how I feel about you, it's not going to be much I'm not that good, I'm out of practice and I haven't done this sort of thing before I'm a painter not a tattoo artist but…"

Logan saw him fall apart from all the things that were holding him back and he couldn't deny him. One of them had to be selfless, he knew it was James's turn but he obviously wasn't ready and he saw his inner struggle, if it meant that he could soothe his pain Logan suddenly realized that it would be alright for James to stomp all over him as much as he needed to as long as it would even for a brief moment give him serenity.

"What do you want me to do…?"

"Take this and take off your shirt...give me a moment to set up and lay down on your chest."

Logan took the pillow and did what he was told, even with the fireplace's flames he felt the sudden cold envelope his body, soon he felt James standing above him, he turned and looked at him their eyes met, the hazel ones were shining, the dark were almost in tears, they said nothing and Logan buried his head in the pillow trying not to combust.

James took a few minutes to mix the paint in the palette in his hands, he thought of forms and shapes and colors and what would look more beautiful on Logan's white skin, he couldn't decide but he couldn't stall any longer either, he let his instinct guide him, he let himself fall.

"It's going to be cold and it'll tickle but I want you to be as still as you can alright Logie?"

"Yes James…whatever you want…mark me…I'm yours…"

"Okay here we go…"

When he felt the brush and the wet color ran down his shoulder blade Logan tightened his body like steel, he closed his fists and held his breath biting his lips, he had his eyes shut and a moan escaped him.

The tip of the brush caressed him non-stop, he felt the strokes slow on his skin circling around his back, it was a mix of torture and pleasure, the feeling build up inside of him and took his senses over. He had no name for it at first but then he found one, he named it James because that was him by his definition. Pain pleasure and love, heat, ice and something everlasting, ever-changing, something that Logan felt but couldn't touch or see, something he prayed with all his entirety to last forever.

"Breathe Logan…stay still…" James felt like he was defiling something sacred, because Logan was perfection in his eyes and nothing he could come up as an artist could ever do him justice, still he had to try to bring that beauty beneath the flesh out, try and pour his own soul and etch it on Logan's body.

What was his Logan anyways, a star, a flower, an animal, a storm? So many things he wanted to inscribe on him and yet they all felt sort, not good enough like how he felt underneath it all, like he was not good enough for him.

But as the time passed slowly away, as James exchanged one color for another he dived even deeper into the maelstrom like a madman in frenzy, he didn't care anymore if the depiction wasn't good enough, it didn't matter, only his link with Logan mattered to him and James at least brought that out.

He didn't like the colors, they seemed to plain and Logan was small in stature, when the big ideas hit he was out of space, still James toiled until he ran out of skin, from Logan's neck to the end of his back. The symbol of infinity underneath a blazing star in one circle it had a heart in the other a cracked diamond.

"Done…" He was out of breath when he put his finishing touches, he felt more tired from his effort than any sexual act he had done with Logan that day, Logan tried to move but stopped when James collapsed beside him.

"Don't…you'll ruin it, let it dry."

"I wanna see it…"

"In the morning…you'll see it the morning…let it dry…"

"What is it…?"

"You…us…ask me in the morning just let me go to sleep…" He leaned closer and kissed him and then closed his tired eyes resting his head on the edge of the pillow while Logan snuggled in his arm as careful as he could.

"James…?" The only sounds came from the fire eating away the wood and James' slowing breath as he fell to sleep, Logan kissed him once and before closing his own eyes he tore down the last barb wire around his heart.

"I love you…" Only if that was enough the game would have ended there, unfortunately it was not, because sometimes words aren't enough and man, even a good one can be the ficklest and cruelest of things especially towards that which he loves most of all.


	10. Chapter 10

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: It has been forever since the last time I tried to spread the joy, I'm very sorry for that, I'm also very thankful for still getting reviews, and favorites! I want to thank all of you, but especially my Newbie for everything she's done for me (where are my photos baby girl!?) and Meheartskendall for her support and encouragement (have a great summer my love! Dibs still hold, hope you get back sooner than expected). And now I hope you all like this chapter cause the next one will be just as long to make! SORRY GUYS I'M SERVING MY COUNTRY FOR A FEW MORE MONTHS! Hope to see you soon again leave a word please! Love you all!**

Logan woke up to find himself covered up in blankets and holding tenderly to the pillow instead of James the morning that followed, his body took it's time to reset after the abuse he so willingly allowed himself to receive the day before, he didn't know how long it had been but he knew it was more than his standard six hours of rest.

Still he felt drowsy, heavy and sore all over but he didn't care at all because his heart at least was at peace, even if last night's fire had gone out James made sure that Logan was wrapped in warmth and that thought of affection was more than he could ever ask for.

Slowly he got up huddling the blankets around him to ban the morning cold away, he walked up to his discarded coat and his abandoned cell phone to check for any missed calls, he found plenty from his friends, one from his mom, and a few funny texts from Harry lecturing him about his sudden Sabbatical.

Amused he nonchalantly turned the damn thing off with a smile choosing to cut himself away from the outside world, it seemed to pale in comparison to the small one he shared with James.

He slowly made his way to the direction of James' room, since it had the only bathroom he knew of with a mirror that would allow him to finally see the brand his sweet tormentor gave him the first night they ever really slept together.

He heard thunder roaring outside and saw the rain fall through one of the penthouse's balconies, but he was overwhelmed with a feeling of safety because in his mind at least he wasn't alone, James was with him now, a part of him etched on his very skin, and Logan had started to believe that he was always with him from the day he was born.

After last night Logan was certain of only two things about his life, one was that he had never been truly in love before and two that he was deeply in love for the first time now, and for better or for worse that was with James Diamond.

He found him tiptoeing in the corridor leading to the inner rooms, before James could say anything Logan grabbed and forcefully kissed him unable to resist his sheepish adorable face.

"Dude have mercy! Morning breath ew…"

"Good morning to you too bar boy, why didn't you wake me when you got up?"

"I woke up like ten minutes ago…" A lie to save face, it had almost been an hour since James opened his eyes, but he used the gained time to watch Logan sleep, as a silent amend to his conscience he was the one who initiated their second kiss, and Logan used the excuse of a hazy sleepy mind to wrap his arms around him and snuggle.

"How did you sleep?"

"Like a log, you?"

"I'd like to say the same but your snoring sounds like a woodchopper."

"Liar, I don't snore…"

"It was like listening to one of Shiva's weird Hindu throat music collections."

"I don't snore; you're just being mean and shallow…"

"No, mornings are mean and your morning breath's even meaner!"

"You're just trying to get me to the bathroom so I can see the tattoo and you can cook breakfast behind my back or something aren't you pretty boy?"

"Oh please! Get over yourself Mitchell! I wasn't going to…"

"Sorry baby, you're all transparent to me now, deal with it." James opened his mouth but he choked on his own words, he finally shook his head and gave out a defeated sigh.

"Just try and avoid getting your back wet, and don't scrub it, the paint will last longer that way at least that's what the internet says."

"I won't touch it, promise." They kissed again and even James' sour face couldn't wipe away Logan's happy smile, they parted ways and while one hummed unconsciously the other banged his head lightly against a wall.

"Transparent Logie, really did you have to say that? That's the last thing I want to be with you damn it…"

Logan entered the bathroom and threw the covers on the floor, he turned his back in a way that would allow him to peer on his reflection, he shivered fervently on the sight of James' drawing, he felt like he was standing outside in the cold rain and had been struck mercilessly by lightning, like some invisible hand had phased inside his chest and squeezed his very heart.

"God James, is that how you see us?"

He was splashing hot water on his face letting it mingle with his lovesick tears when the door opened, James walked in and a part of Logan wanted to kill him right there and then for making him feel so utterly hopeless and alive at the same time, like he was simultaneously suffering from some vague terminal disease or he had all his dreams granted.

"Here I brought you a toothbrush and a clean towel, did you see the…Logan are you crying kitty?"

"No…"

"Logan you are crying, what's wrong? Do you hate it or something babe, it's not permanent you know, it's just going to last for a couple of weeks tops…"

"Seriously James how can you be so stupid?" He turned around furious, wiped his tears and kissed him passionately, when he pulled away he locked his eyes into the hazel ones, James' mind screamed for him to run, his heart though commanded him otherwise and he stayed there, rooted.

"It's beautiful, you're beautiful, inside and out, the most beautiful, breathtaking man I've ever met."

"It's just a silly…"

"Do me a favor, don't downplay this James, don't you even dare take this away from me, let me enjoy it for what it is."

"Logan you're reading too much in this, I was just struck by the moment and inspiration that's all, it really doesn't mean what you think…" James pulled away but Logan didn't care about games, rules and excuses anymore, he took the toothbrush from him and turned once more to face the sink.

"Even if I am overreacting you don't have to worry about it James, it's just me being a silly emotional dweeb. Just let me wash up in here and if you want to talk will do it later if you don't that's fine by me too."

"Logan I don't want to get your hopes up, we talked about this and I thought I was clear, you may think that you know what you feel about me but you're just confused and I…I don't want us to get hurt."

"You can't control what I feel James, and frankly you can't control how you feel either, see I actually have physical evidence carved on my back now."

"You know how you keep on saying that sometimes you hate me?"

"Yeah, sometimes I do…."

"Well you know something asshole?! Sometimes I hate you too!" He leaned forwards then and kissed the back of his neck not being able to resist, Logan caught his lovelorn gaze in the mirror, actions he thought speak louder than a million words, besides what he felt that moment the human language was inadequate to describe.

James tried to pull away mere seconds later but Logan wrapped an arm around his neck tenderly and held him there, James with his eyes closed collapsed on his shoulder, he wrapped his own arms around him and for what seemed like forever they held each other there, no words, no lust, just two men holding on to the most precious thing they had, each other, knowing all too well it couldn't last much longer.

"I'll never do this again you know…"

"Do what?"

"Try and get in a sulking customer's pants by buying him a drink…too much drama…"

"James shut up and hold me or I'll rip your throat with your own razor blade I swear."

"Whatever you want Doc…whatever you want…"

"Stop saying that, it's a lie and it hurts me more than any romantic bull you keep thrusting on me…"

"I know but I wish I could make it so it'd be true …I swear Logie, I just don't know how to do this without hurting you…us…"

"That I actually believe…"

"I should go, don't take too long in here, we've already lost half the day…" One more quick kiss before exiting, placed on the very heart he drew on Logan's back and James left shaking with his unchecked emotions while Logan was left to wonder if this would be the last meaningful thing they would ever share before slamming into the fast approaching inevitable wall.

* * *

"So what would you like for breakfast drama queen?" Logan was sitting by the kitchen counter, James was going through his fridge trying to find something to spoil him with and kill the self-created tension, and Logan wanting to help out played along by wearing just an undershirt and a pair of borrowed boxers.

"Depends are you any good or should I call work and tell them to have an emergency room on standby?"

"Ha ha, you should know by now I'm good at everything smarty pants."

"Yeah and that cocky attitude of yours would still be working except for the fact that yesterday you were sweating bullets asking for permission to paint on me like you were some kind of schoolgirl."

"So I may have a couple of unresolved issues about my…"

"You mean you have more issues on top of the other issues."

"You do not want to go there Doc, I'm as emotionally healthy as you are, how do you drink your coffee?"

"Black and no I think you're wrong, I have a track record of healthy relationships so I'm much more stable than you."

"Not agreeing with you on that one sorry guilt king, pancakes or waffles?"

"Waffles and guilt fits aside I was very satisfied with my life once upon a time James, can you honestly say the same?"

"I was perfectly happy until you came along…"

"Oh really? How's school going for you then, huh?"

"That's a low blow Mitchell and we're back at that again? And just so you know I didn't completely abandon it, I took a break between semesters that's all!"

"Stop lying James, I've had enough of that from you already."

"Fine I dropped out, I hit a slump and I dropped out! Satisfied now Doc?!"

"Not even remotely, come on James let's play Twenty Questions again, how long ago was that?"

"Let it go Logan seriously, do you want to start our day off with a real fight?!"

"No I'm not backing out, you can handle some pressure just tell me already, I allowed you to push all my buttons yesterday, be fair James, you owe me this, open up, how long?

"You know something, sometimes you make me feel like I'm under gun point!"

"Stop acting like a baby babe, it's just a one simple question for crying out loud, tell me how long?"

"If you really want to know it was almost two years ago…" James finally croaked, Logan noticed how his nostrils had flared up and how his skin had turned red, but he was so tired of beating around the bushes, it was high time to go for the direct approach.

"Really, why is that?"

"Told you, no inspiration, I ran out of drive, also there was this professor that chewed my head off constantly and kept rubbing my shortcomings in, I figured it just wasn't worth it anymore."

"Then you did a good thing by quitting, it's just means you didn't want it hard enough, maybe it wasn't your true calling or something."

"Nice try Doc but Shiva tries to mind screw me all the time and she's a professional, it won't work."

"I'm not trying to use reverse psychology on you here James, I'm just offering an honest opinion. I am entitled to one right?"

"Boy, you're full of tricky questions today aren't you?"

"Do I ever complain about you calling him Jackass? No. I believe I've earned the right to share my thoughts with you. Besides if something doesn't make you happy you simply shouldn't do it but if it did, honestly you'd be a moron for letting it go."

"There's some kind of subtext here you're trying to get through but I'll pretend ignorance."

"No subtext princess just honesty! I know nothing about art, but I can confidently say that your professor knew shit if he couldn't see your talent, but if you want we can go to your school and show off your latest piece of work right now; bet you'll get raging reviews for it!"

Logan smiled with his eyes as he sipped from his coffee mug taking immense gratification on seeing James having an inner battle with himself, and of course like Logan anticipated instead of blowing up with anger or fighting back with reasonable arguments James took option number three.

"I found that canvas, it's mine."

"Thought you'd say that but just so you know the offer stands…" James glared at him behind the milk carton he was drinking off but his lips curled into a smirk watching the fire light in Logan's murky eyes.

"Maybe you're right Logs and I am indeed a moron, but I'm a hot steaming one that you can never say no to." He let the milk down which Logan took and drank off without a second thought, a gesture that James found more sexy than he should, and then he took the waffles out, their sweet aroma filled the room, he placed them on plates and then turned over to the fridge for ammunition to finally make his stand and fight Logan back.

"I can say no to you James, I'm kinda hooked on you but I can still say no…"

"Suuure you can, whipped cream or chocolate syrup?"

"Both." Logan answered with a grin that mirrored the scandalous one that James had on.

"You're being selfish here Doctor Mitchell; it's one or the other cause I'm not giving you both, life's not fair so you can't have both."

"Now you, you're using subtext here…and I said I want both." Logan repeated, his voice in a lower register, the one he reserved for when he ridded James like he was a cowboy and James was a wild horse, James backed down placing both bottles on the counter but he did it smiling smugly.

"Okay, but you can only have me or the waffles for breakfast and this time I'm dead serious Tiger." He leaned over him, opened his mouth, grazed Logan's lips with his tongue; Logan fisted his hair and dived into him, their rough kissing had become second nature to him now, as automatic and crucial to him as taking in air.

"That's hardly a choice Jamezy…" He pulled him down throwing his arms around him, drowning the sound of James' playful victorious giggle with a pleasured groan as he smashed their lips together repeatedly.

"Just ten seconds ago you boasted you could say no to me loser..."

"I can but who told you I wanna…" James picked him up in his muscled arms, they fumbled around latched on one another, they expressed their morning lust by moaning into each other's bodies. Logan felt the cold surface of the fridge on his back suddenly, James felt the wolf's nails going down on his back, tearing away on his skin.

"Fuck James I'm hungry! Feed me already damn it!"

"Me too Logie, I'm gonna swallow you whole!"

"Me first! I need to go first!"

"How about we meet in the middle you needy sick boy?"

"I could work with that, how's your math skills, you dropout?"

"I can count to a hundred at least don't worry, dare guess what my favorite number is?"

"Somewhere between sixty eight and seventy?"

"Jackpot Tiger…"

The marble counter was transformed into a battlefield, and once were there was supposed to be food now there were bodies, half naked and surging on each other getting rid of any remaining restraining clothes by ripping them off, mouths locked, tongues warring, breaths blazed, chests colliding.

"I can't get enough of you James…" Logan had a nipple caught between his teeth sucking on it, biting it, feeling it harden between his lips, James took the chocolate syrup bottle and spread the context on his chest.

Logan followed the river slowly down with his tongue, lower and lower insanely pleading for more, intoxicated and drank by the mix of sweat and chocolate, James happily made his wish true groaning, but when Logan reached the favorite part of James' body James grabbed him suddenly and flipped him on his back, positioning himself between Logan's parted legs.

"I can't even decide what would go better with your meat Doc I love the way your skin tastes…"

Logan buried his head unto James and started sucking him making those slurping noises that drove him insane, they bopped their heads nonstop with a rapid pace trying to one up each other, James with hands shaking poured both whipped cream and milk on Logan only to clean him up in seconds using his tongue, eventually their mouths were full devouring one another like famished beasts, entwined and inseparable, lost in flaming carnal sensations and their own taste.

"Aw God James I'll never get full of you!"

"So good, you're so fucking good Doc!"

They went on like that for what seemed like hours to them and when they hit their limit they came in each other's mouths beyond their control or any real warning.

James almost choked; Logan swallowed every last trace of semen down like the seasoned pro he was with a victorious smile and even though it was he who released first in his mind he had won.

When they finally broke apart James hopped off the counter and got some strawberries out of the fridge, not caring that the room kept on spinning or that his heart was pounding like mad, like it was beats away from exploding.

"Here baby, desert." He placed one between his lips and Logan shook his head before kissing him and liberating most of it with his teeth.

"Are you running out of moves on me bar boy?"

"Shut up smartass." They enjoyed their old kissing game in silence for a few minutes but Logan's mind was racing into thought, he couldn't box in his maddening desire any longer, he broke away, took a deep breath and forced a smile knowing it wouldn't do much good against James who could read him like an open book since day one, still he steeled himself and tried to aim for the next step.

"If you really are running out of moves though I may have a suggestion on what we could try next, you know."

"What's going on in that sick little mind of yours this time pervert?"

"How about we take some tests…see if we're safe for more skin on skin action I mean…we could drop the condoms…"

"Logan! That's just another way of asking me for exclusivity!"

"You don't have to shout! I know it's a big step and I know it's selfish of me to ask, but I want to feel you James like I've never felt any other man in my entire life, what's wrong with that huh?!"

"We shouldn't do that Logan, it would be a mistake, it could screw us over big time."

"No matter how many walls you put between us James they won't hold, it's already too late, why can't you face that?" James fell into deep thought, Logan knew he was searching for an argument to convince himself more than him, but he had clearly ran out of anything other than his fear of commitment and obviously that wasn't good enough anymore, when he finally gave him an answer Logan's heart wanted to jump out of his chest with joy.

"Can you at least let me think about it for a few days?"

"Take your time, I understand, I'm just as scared as you are really."

"But braver than me too apparently…" James stretched a hand out to caress him and pull him closer and Logan knew he was only a step away from his final victory.

"Just a tad, don't let it bother you." The kiss they gave each other then was the most meaningful and full of promises from all the ones they had exchanged, it cut them off from reality, it stopped the movement of time, they didn't hear the front door open until it was too late.

* * *

"Would you look at that Hilda, James has company over." Brooke hissed at the sight of the living room, she banged the door and pressed the house alarm back on, she walked over to Logan's discarded clothes and the makeshift camp James had made for them snorting an arrogant laugh, then she gestured to her maid to get the bags to her room and went in search of the instigator behind the chaos, it wasn't that hard of a task, his not so manly squeals gave him away.

"Did you hear that?"

"What? Wait…OH CRAP! Satan's home!"

"Satan? What do you me-JAMES!" James in his terror and panic shoved Logan behind the kitchen counter, his eyes darted over the floor to find any semblance of clothing for them or any viable exit but it was too late, Brooke was already standing at the entrance cornering her prey easily, smiling like a snake ready to devour the poor field mice, which was the only real giveaway of her intentions because otherwise she was inhumanly composed at the sight before her.

"Mom!"

"Hello sweetie pie." Her voice made Logan follow James in his dread, he lied frozen unable to move an inch; he watched him fumbling around looking for something to cover himself up, he fought back the urge to stretch a hand out and pull him down on the floor with him.

"Brooke what are you doing here?! Turn around damn it! Can't you see I'm naked!"

"Oh, I'm sorry dear I was distracted by all this fine mess you've made of my house. Didn't our contract specifically state you're not allowed to cook? I take it that you were going with breakfast?" Instead of turning around she took a step further into the kitchen, Logan could swear that James stopped breathing and died on the spot at that exact time.

"For crying out loud mom GET OUT!"

"You're throwing me out from my own kitchen? I think not, here wear this." She took Logan's discarded underwear and threw it at him, James wore it cussing, Brooke chuckled when she saw the pair of legs that stood out behind the counter.

"Now you clean up in here while me and your 'guest' have a cup of coffee in the living room."

"Guest what guest? There's no one here…"

"Don't insult my intelligence young man. You have ten minutes." She finally turned and pranced out; James collapsed and buried his head in his arms, Logan finally found the courage to get up and move beside him.

"James are you okay?"

"No I'm not, we're done for…"

"James relax, I'll just sneak out, no big deal."

"Sneak out he says…you know how Shiva affectionately calls Brooke? Baskerville! Even if I did manage to get you to the service elevator unnoticed she'll probably have all the alarms on which means we'll have to go through the front door and turn them off again!"

"You have a service elevator?"

"Not the point dude!"

"Then I'll just say a quick hello, apologize for the mess and go out from the front door like a normal person! What's the worst thing that can happen?"

"What's the worst thing he asks...GOD YOU'RE CLUELESS! She won't let you go! You heard her she wants to have coffee with you, in other words she wants to drink your blood with a straw!"

"You're just afraid of me talking to your mother aren't you?"

"Well, yeah knowing her she's going to…"

"You shouldn't be! Unlike you I'm not five, I'm going out to have an adult conversation with the woman! You can join us if you want!"

"Umm, you heard her I have to clean up in here…"

"For the love of God! Why did I ever fall in love with such a juvenile…give me that shirt!" He picked James' clothes mumbling uncontrollably, loud enough for him to hear, pissed enough to not give a damn anymore.

When he finally became presentable he got two cups out poured some coffee demanded a tray from James and went straight to the living room ignoring his childish pleas, he didn't know what he was getting into really, if he did he would have opted on taking a jackknife from the first available window.

"Come into my parlor…" Hissed Brooke when she saw Logan walking confidently to her with a warm innocent smile on his lips, she pretended to be busy with her cutting edge smart phone and didn't even look up to him and meet his eyes, Logan wasn't discouraged though, he pressed himself onwards, he had to win this battle, it would help enormously in his stalemate with James if he had her support.

"Mrs. Diamond? Hello, I'm sorry about earlier, I couldn't exactly come out and greet you like that…"

"Put the coffee tray down now before you drop the damn thing, you won't be able to afford the cleaning bill on the carpet trust me on it." Logan raised an eyebrow, Brooke fought back a smile behind her phone seeing his shock, he sat down opposite of her trying to remain composed, he spoke again though not waiting for her permission, her tone gave her intentions away, the woman was on a warpath.

"Mrs. Diamond once again I'm sorry, I haven't even introduced myself yet! I'm Logan Mitchell…" He gave her his hand for a handshake, Brooke looked down on it amused.

"I'm not touching that."

"What?"

"Considering where it probably was earlier it wouldn't be very sanitary."

"I washed my hands clean ma'am!"

"Still no, wouldn't risk it. And here I thought you were the doctor guy…oh I'm jumping the gun! You're not him are you? I'm sorry dear, don't mind me James has a lot of 'special friends' it's easy to lose track on who's he doing this week."

"But I am the doctor guy and he's doing me only for a month now! And I washed my damn hand! Here take it!" His tenacity prevailed; although she had an expression of disgust on she finally took it for a fracture of a second at least.

"If you don't mind me saying then, from what I've gathered you're a doctor with very lax morals."

"Excuse me! How did you get to that conclusion?"

"You used your position in the hospital to satisfy yours and my son's perverted fantasies a few weeks back didn't you? That doesn't say much about your character young man."

"With all due respect I don't think that's any of your business, James and I are both adults and besides how do you even know we did anything? We could easily have gone to lunch or something!" Logan was fuming mad with Brooke and her audacity, mad with James and his big mouth, mad with himself for losing ground too far, too fast.

"When you decide to move your perversion under my roof it damn well makes it my business Doctor Mitchell, also James tells everything to mommy."

"From what he told me about you I highly doubt that, and yes it's your house but James lives here too! He invited me here, doesn't he have the right to spend a night with his…"

"His what, what exactly are you to my son anyway, because I know him good enough to know he doesn't do the steady thing, so why is a seemingly smart, handsome educated man losing his time with my little failure?"

"Why do you degrade him like that?! Have you spent more than five seconds with him?! Do you know how funny he is?! How caring?! How sensitive? How talented?! You're his mother for crying out loud!"

"Exactly I am his mother, I gave birth to him, raised him, I still feed and clothe him and he's twenty four years old. That gives me every right to say anything I want about him, but Logan? You, you're a fling nothing more, just a sort stop from the next guy or girl or whatever comes along in his never-ending quest to laze off and piss me, it'll end soon and I believe you can see that too."

"You're wrong! James isn't like that! James and I are…" That was the moment when with the corner of his eye he caught James hiding in the back, looking sad, lost and terrified, Logan wished he would burst into the room and come to his defense, make his stand, declare his undying love for him, but it wasn't going to happen because Brooke was right, James was too comfortable with his life and he wouldn't change it not even for him.

"You may be right…" He mumbled and Brooke bit her lip because she hoped that he wouldn't give up so soon, that he would keep on shouting at her, storm out and drag James with him to a happily ever after.

"Didn't catch that sorry?"

"I said you're probably right…I guess I'm not that important to James after all, and I overstepped my boundaries, your issues with him are between the two of you, I'm sorry." He glared at him then and James couldn't face him, why wouldn't his goddamn feet move, why was he letting Logan drown like that, shouldn't his feelings give him strength and propel him forwards or were they not real enough.

"Apology accepted, now if there's nothing else you want to scream at me I'm tired from my trip and I would like to unwind and besides I think you've overstayed your welcome."

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" Tired and defeated he got up and turned away to gather his scattered things, he passed by James who couldn't even look into his eyes and sighed tired, it was only on his way to the door that James found the courage to speak to him.

"You're leaving…"

"If you wanted me to stay James you should have said something in there."

"And after talking to her can't you see what it's like for me Logan? I'm trapped in here…"

"Yeah, by yourself. Anyway I'm going to go; we both need some time to think about what's best for us so I'd appreciate it if you leave me some space."

"See now you put me on the same place as…"

"Don't go there, you'll make things worse. Just know that despite of everything that happened I care for you James, it's you that has to start caring for yourself."

"That's the pot calling the kettle black Doc."

"I know that, and I'm willing to fix that, the question is are you?"

He didn't let him answer he gave a small nod back to Brooke who was flipping through fashion magazines not paying any attention to them, had James open the door for him and walked out.

James slouched back to the living room holding back tears and trying to fight the urge to murder his mother for ruining everything for him.

"One moment young man, are you done with the kitchen?"

"No ma'am."

"Then finish up and go to your room, I'd rather avoid seeing you for the day."

"Yes ma'am."

"James?"

"What now?!"

"I don't know how you'll do it but you better find a way to make that rude boy happy cause he's the best opportunity you'll ever get."

"Stay out of my business mother!" James stormed off and shut himself up in his room leaving Brooke alone, she smiled and shook her head and finally let her guard down.

"Hot tempered, stubborn, ungrateful brat, oh well, at least I don't have to worry if he'll ever find true love anymore."

* * *

The following days were empty, Logan fell to his default workaholic self and surprisingly he was at peace with it.

He once again punched as many hours in the hospital as he could, hell-bent on relieving people from their pain, because he couldn't free himself from his own ailment, his heart was sick with love and the only person who held the cure for it denied it from him out of pure ego.

Logan had come to the conclusion that as much as he loved James a happy ending simply wasn't in the cards for them, and the only thing that saddened him about it was that James would stay captive of his own insecurities and fears, but what other choice did he have?

He was out of energy, he was tired of their game, either James would give them a real chance or Logan would walk out of them for good, not to save himself but because he saw that James was suffering in his struggle and he wanted to end it for him, there was no option number three.

Peter and Harry saw him close himself up, he refused to unburden on them, and avoided them like the plague. Once they had enough of his cold attitude they took drastic measures, they dragged him in the dinner across the hospital and sat him down for the Spanish Inquisition.

"So are you going to tell us how did it go with that barman of yours or not Logan?"

"Are you going to stay out of this Harold or not?"

"Hey! Only the wife gets to call me that kid!"

"Come on now Logan, you've been quiet ever since you came back from your leave, it's not good for you to keep it all bottled inside."

"You can tell us Logan, I'll even try not to judge you and lover boy, promise."

"No you won't, anyway there's not much to tell really. I'm in love with him, I'm pretty sure he's feeling the same for me, we can't be together, end of story."

His two friends looked at each other confused and then at Logan who was completely calm with the exception of a tiny nervous smirk on his lips.

"You love each other but you can't be together?"

"Yes, he doesn't want us to be together. I can't get him out of that sand castle he calls a life, he wants to waste it, fine by me."

"But you just said you love him!"

"With all my heart and soul Pete, but he doesn't love himself enough, I think a part of him wants to wallow on self-pity and misery because he thinks he deserves it so he refuses to take a risk on us."

"Where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah! You did the same to Jack!"

"Yes Harry I did! And I think I know why now, I didn't love him enough, I didn't let him in, like James probably doesn't love me enough to change himself."

"Logan you can't demand from someone to change his entire life for you, that's not what love is about."

"No it is, for me and James to be together it is. We both have to change; the difference is I want to change for him because I believe it'll make us happy, he just refuses to make an effort for it. Now I'm just waiting for him to accept it and break my heart."

"You're kidding right Logs?! What sort of sadomasochistic train of thought is that?!"

"If James is the one who hurts me, it's okay by me…"

"No it's not! What about us, your family? You think we want to see you suffer over a glorified pretty boy!

"See Harry that's the point, I'm the only one who sees James for who he really is and he only one who knows who I really am, yes I love you guys but it's different, and I know it's selfish of me but the love I get from you isn't enough to make want to grab life by the hair and sorry I won't feel guilty about that. James made me realize that we're just people, weak, flawed, maybe a little sick in the head. And we still want each other despite of it. A friend of his said something to me a couple of weeks ago and it's stuck in my head ever since. Some people aren't meant to be happy in this world; the fact that James may be the love of my life doesn't mean I get to keep him, I just have to accept that."

"Bull, sugar coat it all you want Logan, I think you're just giving up on yourself."

"Yeah and I don't get why it has to be Diamond or Jack for that matter, I remember you telling me once that a happy ending doesn't necessary mean wedding bells with either of them!"

"Who told you I want wedding bells? I just want to be loved and I believe the only one who is capable of giving me that is James, and if he can't, well, I'll just have to try and survive without him I guess."

"YOU'RE IDIOTS! THAT'S WHAT THIS ALL ABOUT!"

"Don't shout Peter, I'm just telling you how I see it, sometimes you just have to settle…"

"No you don't kid, not if you try hard enough."

"Exactly, why must I be the only one who constantly tries, James, Jack, they haven't, not as much as they should. I'm just tired Harry…just tired of waiting for happy to come along…"

"You should have walked out of this when you had the chance then."

"But I didn't and now I have to live with the consequences, that is all…"

They said more things to him but he eventually tuned them out until his break was done, he had decided to deposit his fate to James along with his last remaining hope, in reality he was still running, only this time he ran alone.

He was in the train a few days later and was heading straight for home when his phone buzzed; when he saw the name on the screen he immediately felt his eyes go moist.

"Took you long enough…"

_**Logan, can you come over to Eden tonight? I think it's about time I give you an answer, we can't let this go on forever. I can't keep this up anymore. I can't keep on hurting you anymore. Please come and see me tonight.** _

Logan didn't care how ominous the text was; it hurt him more that James had called him by his name, no affectionate nickname, no clever sex joke.

"Time to say our goodbye then, I guess…"

It was still early for the club to open and he wanted to look good for him, to make himself unforgettable to him, so he dragged himself to the apartment and like a man on a death sentence he opened the door to freshen up.

He froze at the realization that it was unlocked, that there was light coming from inside. He came in shaking and then his body turned to stone when he saw him sitting on their couch like it hadn't been a day.

"Hello sweetheart, I never gave you my keys back…"

"Jack…" And then Logan's heart simply stopped.


	11. Chapter 11

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N:Chapter 11 is pretty special for me, I struggled with it a lot, fought with myself if taking this turn and extending the story from long to longer was the right thing to do, but in the end I'm stubborn and since I have an ending in mind I need to make the boys go through some…stuff first. I had very special support for this chapter, not just newbie who's always there for me and all of you who keep on favoriting and folloing and especially reviewing but two friends that I am thankfull to have met! Meheartskendall and Charoulla who are too precious to let go. DON'T LEAVE ME GIRLS! And** **DBZ AWESUM I'm there for you buddy, you're perfect the way you are. ALL OF YOU! (Even the ones who'll bash my head for this chapter!)**

His first reaction was to smile sarcastically at the turn of events, of course Jack would waltz back that the night everything with James was heading into collision, his life had turned into a big cosmic joke after all, and he couldn't do anything but with himself.

He walked in and shut the door without saying a word, Jack was obviously a ball of nerves but Logan found himself not caring for niceties so he held a cold silence. He sat beside him and let a frustrated sigh out, while inside him his rage battled with his desire for closure, and that was the primary motivation that enabled him to keep it in check.

"Okay go ahead, I'm listening."

"You're sure? You don't want me to go…?"

"No, I want to know what you have to say, and frankly I have a couple of things I want to say to you too."

"I imagine you do."

"No you don't, trust me Jack, you don't. So how did Jean's funeral go?"

"You know my family…"

"Unfortunately I do."

"They didn't want me there, didn't want me to give her the eulogy speech, the hotel bill was a killer and apparently now I have a house at a place I'm planning on never going back again…"

"I'm sorry for your loss Jack, really."

"You don't mean that…"

"Of course I do."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, Jack, I know you loved her and I know what she meant to you, and she was a very caring wonderful woman, but you shouldn't have pressured me the way you did. Besides you didn't face it alone now did you?"

"What do you mean by that?" He gulped and his face turned white, Logan barely reacted though, his face void of emotion.

"Oh, we'll get there; don't worry, so anyway when did you come back to town?"

"A couple of days ago I needed some time to think of the best way to approach you."

"And the only thing you could come up with was to sneak back in huh? Nice Jack, seriously is it that hard for you to give me a call first!? To see how I'm doing!"

"I'm so sorry about that and the way I walked out, the post it was a shitty thing to do to you and you have every right to be angry…"

"Oh, you think!? Seriously where do you get all these ideas, from those soap operas you love so much?!"

"Logan please calm down, just hear me out please!"

"You aren't exactly helping yourself Jack! What's wrong with you?! What the fuck happened to you?" He shot himself up furious, hands thrown in the air and broke into mad pacing like a caged animal up and down impatiently waiting to be fed.

"What happened to me!? What happened to us Logan!? Do you remember how we used to be once upon a time?"

"Yeah, I do. We were head over heels for each other but that doesn't…"

"No! We were inseparable! I used to come to the hospital bring you your lunch every single day and you used to come out to meet me and I swear you were glowing."

"C'mon Jack that period in a relationship comes with an expiration date and you know it."

"It didn't for me Logan; it was you who gave up first, why did you stop wanting me? You hadn't touched me in months."

"I was tired! My work…"

"Your work, it's always about work with you! Everything else comes in second place!"

"They're called priorities Jack, look it up! It's not like I didn't tell you my goals in life!"

"You were MY priority Logan! Still are! You didn't even see the signs did you? I tried to talk to you about this, how lonely I was, how confused! I doubt you even remember."

"What? When did you do that?!"

"Breakfast, or dinner, or in bed, that time in the movies you kept shushing me cause you wanted to see the freaking Batman beat the Joker to a pulp!" Logan finally remembered there were indeed signs, little things here and there but he was so distracted from reality and submerged in his life's dream that he pretended not to notice.

"Alright, so I have my share of responsibility, but that doesn't excuse your actions."

"I would never say that, but in your mind you've painted me like some kind of monster and I'm not. I just made a few crappy decisions, decisions I regret and I'm willing to pay for."

"I didn't think you were a monster Jack, at least not until I went to the bus station trying to catch up to you before you left and I saw you with her. Drew."

"Oh…" At that Jack blanched but Logan wouldn't stop, it was time to go for the kill, to get his answers he desparately needed.

"Yeah and it wasn't just my imagination was it? I talked to her a few times, she seemed nervous. Kind of guilty now that I think about it. There's something going on between the two of you right? You cheated on me didn't you."

"Yes." Jack's voice was barely audible.

"Great…just great…"

"I can explain!"

"No, no I get it; you got fed up with me and ran to the neighbor for comfort!"

"It wasn't like that! I got confused! We stopped having sex and I kept on thinking that I wasn't good enough for you! That I'll never be good enough for you or anyone else for that matter! And then me and Drew started hanging out and suddenly this stupid crazy thought came over me, maybe I just wasn't meant to be with a man…"

"What!? You're saying you're having some sort of identity crisis! Is that what this is all about?! Jesus Christ!" He buried his head in his arms, and let go of the burning tears that he's being holding back, any sense of stability his life used to have came down at the seams. Now everything seemed like a lie, like a living nightmare with him as the lead.

"It was bound to happen Logan! I wasn't lucky enough like you to be accepted by my parents for who I am! You know my father; you know how he drilled it in my head on how disgusting I am! And these feelings kept on piling up until I couldn't take it anymore! I lost it and Drew was there…I'm sorry! It only happened once! I wasn't just running away from you Logan, I needed time to think! And she felt so torn up about coming between us that she moved out of her apartment as soon as I told her that I needed space and time to think! And when you said you weren't coming to the funeral…I needed someone with me, someone to hold my hand! Someone to be there for me! Anyone…so I called her and she came with me as a friend that was it, I swear!"

"Why should I believe you? Honestly after everything you put me through, why?"

"You don't have to, I wouldn't…but it's the truth sweetie, that's all I have for you, the truth…"

"The truth huh? Fine, the truth Jack is that I slept with someone else…"

"What?"

"I've been sleeping with someone else for a month now…"

"C'mon Logan if you want to hurt me you don't have to spin some tall tale, you only need to show me the door."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"No of course not, I know you, you didn't even kiss me until our third date…" It made him smile, how Jack supposedly the person closest to him didn't know the darkest part of his soul, how only James could wake the predator up.

"His name is James, he's a bartender, works at the club down the street, I went there the night you left to drown my sorrows, we did it in the storage room and after that I kept on going to him for more."

"You are serious…God…"

"I am. Me and James we have…something, I don't know what it is, feelings I guess…"

"Are you in love with him…?"

"I think I am…"

"You think…?"

"I don't know! It's sort of complicated, it's crazy and it hurts! It hurts so fucking much!" He bolted up and scurried right to the window were he could see Eden just a few blocks away but a few blocks was still too far, like James himself, close enough to touch him but not close enough to be his.

"What about me, don't you love me anymore?"

"I…At this point I don't know anything Jack, I don't even know who I am anymore…"

"Logan please! I know we screwed it up and I know I don't deserve it, but don't shut me out again! That was what led us here in the first place! I love you! I still love you! We can get past this just give us another chance!"

"I don't know if I can do that, I'm just so angry with you right now…"

"Logan we have a history together, we can put the pieces back, we just need to try, just try for me for once please my love…"

"But James and I, he makes me feel things, do things I never thought myself capable of doing, but at the same time…"

"You're scared?"

"Yeah…"

"Of being alone, of losing yourself? That's how I feel sweetheart, that's why I ran, away from you, see I get you, I've been in that place for a long time now baby, but we can face this together, I won't run away again I promise. I love you Logan…" He took Logan's hand and wrapped it in his own and Logan found it hard to breathe, why did he so easily say the things he wanted to hear from James, why did he hold his hand with the affection he yearned from James, why were his fears identical to his own? For a moment he imagined he could see a red string binding them together like in that proverb Shiva told him not so long ago, but instead of happiness, on the prospect of finding his soul mate he felt sadness, sadness and shame.

"I'll need some time to think…Talk to James about all this…To be honest Jack I don't know what I'll do…"

"All the time in the world, after everything I put you through I'll respect whatever choice you make, I just want you to know I love you and I'm sorry." He kissed his cheek softly and let him go, left him alone with his haunted thoughts. Logan now steeled himself to face the demon that owned his soul, and he was torn between wanting it back or not.

* * *

"Are you ready for tonight?" Shiva chirped and James met her grin with an anxious smile.

"Yeah! It's gonna be great!"

"As long as you don't screw it up."

"I won't screw it up! I can't wait to see his face when I tell him, he'll light up like a Christmas tree. He's so adorable when he smiles you know."

"Like you right now I suppose."

"Yeah pretty much…Only I'm prettier!"

"Remind me to give Logan a book on Zen exercises; he's going to need them."

"What are you two so happy about? We have like twenty minutes until we open this hellhole."

"None of your business Chels."

"It's about Logan isn't it? He's coming here tonight so you can be disgusting and perverted again?"

"Maybe he is! Still not your business, move along now!"

"One of these days Diamond I'm going to rat you to the boss for using this place as your own personal playhouse and then let's see you try and find new hunting grounds!" Chelsea made a face, but really, she could see he was glowing and felt happy for him, almost proud. Obviously Logan brought him joy, and for her that was enough.

"So you're sure about it, you can do this?"

"You don't have to worry Martha, once Logan gets here I'll come clean. No turning back now, I'll tell him how I feel, what I want, I'm ready. It's time."

"Good, and speaking of time it's about freaking time you go back to school too!"

"I think Logan can probably coax me into it, that and I have some ideas for a few paintings…I know, I know, it's his fault! Stop gloating witch!" They laughed and continued on with setting up the bar, but James's mind was in dreamland, in all the possibilities of his future with Logan. He was scared but he had no other choice, at the end of it all, he didn't want to lose him and it felt right to him.

Hours passed and his excitement changed to worry, Logan was late, he tried to tell himself that it was nothing, that any second now he would waltz through the dancing crowd and ask James for his final answer, and when he would hear it he would burst into flames. But the only people that came his way were customers and they annoyed James with orders and unwanted flirting.

Then out of nowhere his cell phone buzzed, he broke a huge grin, gave Shiva a wink and went to the kitchen to pick it up.

"Hey, where are you tiger? You're late."

"In the back alley, can you come out please; I want to talk somewhere private."

"Be right there!" James laughed at the prospect of celebrating their relationship upgrade in the dark, grabbed his jacket and came out from the backdoor, he was ready to fall into Logan's arms but when he saw his dark expression he felt that something was wrong and brought himself to a halt.

"Hi James..."

"What's up Doc? Sorry I couldn't resist!" The joke didn't make Logan laugh, he remained rigid and still, he couldn't look James in the eyes, James could tell that he was shaking and fear gripped him by the throat, then after taking in a deep breath Logan finally sighed and deployed the bomb.

"Jack came back."

"Jack? Jackass Jack? Really!? So what about it?"

"Opened the door and found him in my apartment waiting for me. He confessed to everything, I was right about him cheating on me, but it's more complicated than that, I screwed him up James, I practically drove him out, he got lost and filled with self-doubt, he's like me when you found me."

"Wait a second! What are you saying here, that you suddenly forgive him!?"

"No! It's not like that, but I do get why he ran out now, and I told him about you and he says he understands, he says he wants to try again that we can get over this…"

"Oh, so is that it? You're taking the cheating liar back cause he came crawling back to you?! Is that what you really want in life?! Somebody to stroke your ego?!"

"You're one to talk about ego! For Christ's sakes! I don't know what to do because of how screwed up we are! You refuse to commit to anything! You only want to play little sex games with me while I've bared my heart out to you! You pretty much called me here to either break it up or to pretend nothing's wrong with us, just like every other time!"

"Thank you for jumping the gun genius! And your solution is yet again to give me another ultimatum! Fine, answer me this then! Tell me, why the hell should I be the one to make your damn choice!? The night you slept in my arms you said it wasn't a contest between me and him but now that you have other options you're simply taking it back!"

"I thought you knew me better than that! And what's wrong with wanting something real James!?"

"Real? That's priceless…"

"Don't make that face! I want something that's going to last, and you don't want to give it to me! You don't even want to try!"

"And so one of us is a consolation prize for you? Nice Doc, but no I won't play that part for you."

"James the only thing I want from you is some effort, stop putting words in my mouth you pigheaded idiot!"

"No! You stop playing the victim here! You want me to grow up but you're acting just as childish! But you are right, I am an idiot, I should have done this from the start…" James covered the small distance between them, grabbed Logan violently from the collar of his shirt and pulled him close to a forced kiss, but he barely left Logan time to reciprocate, as soon as he touched his lips he let him go and pushed him away.

"Game over."

"What?!"

"You can go to Jack or whoever the hell you want, I don't care anymore. You were right, in the beginning I only wanted to have fun with you and this stopped being fun since you started screwing up the rules. I warned you about this, we had to keep a line between us, but you crossed it and things went from bad to worse and I don't deserve this treatment. So you want me to make your choice? Here it is. We're done, it's over." He turned back to avoid looking at Logan's shocked face, he masked his pain with anger, his humiliation and his burning love.

"James! Wait! Let's talk about this! Don't you see? I came here to tell you that if you want me I'm yours!"

"No. You came here to threaten me. There's nothing else to talk about, what's done is done, what we had ran its circle, it's simply time I move on. I'm just sorry you mistook what we shared for love, it could spare us both the grief."

"You know something!? Fuck you! You don't get to dictate how I feel James! You're simply doing what you know best! Running away and hiding in your little sand box playing king of the mountain! I wanted to pull you out! I wanted to help you move on with your life to something better!"

"Don't need your kind of help Logan. Thanks, but I already have someone who bosses me around and tells me how to live! Goodbye Doc…Oh! And a little friendly advice, try not to marry the bastard. Once a cheater, always a cheater, trust me I know. I am a slut anyways." He opened the backdoor and waved a half-hearted goodbye, trying to ignore the cursing and the bile that came out of Logan's mouth.

"You're pitiable James! That's what you are, you act like you know everything, that you can get away with anything! But you can't run away from yourself forever! Go! Hide behind the pretty boy façade! Hide what you really are, a coward who knows nothing about love!"

"Go look yourself in the mirror Doc and see if you can spot the differences between us then and if you find anything give me a call…" He closed the door behind him and Logan's choked up voice was finally drowned out by the sound of music.

He kept his iron mask on, walked over at the bar where Shiva was already buried in customers. He hadn't completely understood what had just happened, what he had done. He felt numb about it all, he refused to face the truth, he refused to face the reality that he let his Logan go.

Shiva for all her keen observation skills missed the signs for once; she sneaked behind him giddily and poked the lion with a stick.

"So where's your new boyfriend? Isn't he coming in for a celebratory drink?"

"Not now, Martha." Her eyes bulged out, as it was evident by his cold tone, the blank look in his eyes, the forced smile he gave his new approaching customers,that something went wrong and Shiva felt a shiver ran down her spine as if somebody threw cold water bin her face.

"Oh Gehenna! James what happened…?"

"I said not now I'm busy." He greeted his customers and gave her a nod to leave, it scared her even more.

"James talk to me for a sec, where's Logan, didn't you tell him you wanted a relationship?"

"I said back off you nut job! I'm not your fucking thesis!"

The people close to the bar froze up, James was fuming and glared at her like mad, Shiva's features hardened, she managed to keep herself in check and not bash his head with a vodka bottle.

"Go take five Diamond, before you make us an even bigger spectacle."

"I don't need a break. I just need to focus on my job."

"And I don't remember asking you rich boy. Go. Now." She returned coldly to her side of the bar and went back to work trying to regain her professionalism with a bad joke about the nigh being close to a full moon. James took a whiskey bottle for himself cussing and went straight to the backroom. He bumped into Chelsea on his way, she was ready to bite his head off but she caught a glimpse of his misty eyes and said nothing, she was wise enough to know when to tone the bitchiness down.

James banged the door behind him, once alone he found that he couldn't keep the act up any longer. He opened his drink and gulped it down, using the alchohol in a desperate effort to exile Logan from his heart. The alcohol only helped bring the walls down, the emotional storm hit, hit him mercilessly. He collapsed on the same floor he and Logan shared their passion for the first time, the floodgates opened, he let the feelings of betrayal and disappointment out.

"God! I'm so stupid! So stupid…why did I let myself fall for you tiger…why did you make me love you only so you could choose that moron at the end…I hate you…I hate you so much…" And even as he mumbled the words in the darkness, he knew he was just lying to himself once again.

* * *

Logan was an unfixable wreck, he felt tired and beat up when he crashed on his empty bed but sleep was denied from him again. He tossed and turned and mumbled obscenities to the ceiling. His mind was still trapped in that back alley, with James' voice echoing inside his head, a mix of his last cruel words and all the sweet nothings that made his heart want to jump out from his chest and declare he was in love.

He felt sick. With each breath he inhaled his lungs burned. If he was strapped on a life support machine the line on the heart monitor would most definitely go flat at any given second. He couldn't bear James' ghost possessing his body and soul like this any longer, in the dead of night he jumped out of his bed and rushed to the shower.

The water was scalding hot, burning, he let it mingle with his salty tears and like a man possessed, he scrubbed his back trying desperately to erase the proof that James owned him.

"Whatever I want…whatever I want…I want you to die James Diamond…Die for what you've done to me…" He cried as the henna paint washed off of his body and went down the drain, all the beauty that James showed him had turned into sludge.

When he finally stepped out, he dragged himself to the window facing Eden and he stared at it with longing and despair. Memories, possibilities, all burned away by indecision, by a moment's hesitation. All the things he did wrong flashed in front of his mind's eye, and the worst of it all, he knew he had no strength left to try and take everything back.

Hours passed, but he refused to move until the sun greeted his naked body forcing him to see it wasn't the end of the world, a new day rose up feeling the sky with orange colors, Logan thought it was meaningless to watch the sunrise alone.

He picked his phone up sheepishly; surprising himself as he remembered the number by heart. He held his breath waiting for an answer, not knowing if this was his salvation or the biggest mistake he'd ever make. When he heard his voice he knew there was no turning back.

"Yeah Jack…Sorry for waking you…I just wanted you to know I'm willing to try again…I want you to come back…" And as he heard the other man laugh like a lovesick fool he let go of the last tear he thought he'd ever shed for James.


	12. Chapter 12

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: I had some free time the past week so here's the new chapter for you! And I'm so happy you guys didn't bash my head for the turn of events last chapter! Yay! Okay now for something more serious! Thank you!** **Kanerbaby, Cookie Monster Giggles, bmwstamps, DBZ AWESUM for staying with me for all this! Newbie who's always there even when I hear her not! Charoula whose coming through for me and I'm forever grateful! And Meheartskendall also known as justlikemyidol on tumblr a very s1pecial person who I love and I miss and I give her my everything! And she gives me covers! And edits! And avatars! And even more new covers…pretty please…with sugar on top…Give the girl some hugs!**

The two and something months he had spend with James seemed like a distant far gone dream to Logan now. It had already been almost two weeks since Jack moved back in to the apartment and things had almost fallen back into the serene calm normal life Logan craved for.

There were only two major differences between the past and the present, the first one was that Logan was no longer oblivious to Jack's needs, he made a conscious effort to show him that their relationship was something he valued and not something he took for granted. But the second difference was one that he dared not to admit even to himself. There was a cold growing hollow that ate away his very soul, times he would wallow in nostalgia and doubt about his choices, and nights he couldn't go to sleep simply because he missed James's burning touch on his skin.

Logan fought it off, he focused on making sure that Jack could get past the feelings of self hatred, he worked his hardest on giving them a chance to a common future. He thought that with time and effort they could get past their problems.

Thus Logan took an extended lunch break and went to the bookstore Jack worked in with intentions of whisking him off his feet. He entered the place and the smell of books tantalized his nostrils, books were always his one escape route when he was younger, when he used to cover himself underneath the blankets in the middle of the night with a flashlight and would gulp down the pages until he was done reading about heroes that slay dragons and scientists that made life with a lightning rod.

He walked up to the counter and greeted Jack's boss, Jack was on the phone, it took him a few seconds to register that Logan was standing there and somehow he managed to keep down his shriek.

"Yes Mr. Darrow the volume will be here Monday, will hold it for you, you can come and pick it up whenever you want, sure there's nothing else we can do? Ok then see you Monday! What are you doing here sweetie!?"

"Hi you." Logan let his hands trail on the counter, Jack immediately covered them with his own, they felt wrong, too small, too delicate, too un-James like, but he would be damned if he'd let it show and hurt his boyfriend for no other reason than an obsession.

"Get your coat, we're going out."

"Shouldn't you be at the hospital?"

"It's a slow day, and I promised I'd do some extra paper work later, so I thought I could spend some time with you."

"Well if it's okay with Duncan over here, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth."

"You kids go have fun." The old book manager gave a nod and Jack didn't have to hear it twice, he went in the back to pick up his things, while Logan hid his nervousness behind a Shakespeare folio.

"I'm glad to see you two trying to patch things up, he's a good kid you know."

"I know sir."

"He was just not himself for a while, it was just a phase, I'm pretty sure it's over."

"Yeah I wasn't much myself lately either to tell the truth…"

"It'll take time but I'm sure you two can…"

"How much for this?!" Logan dropped the book on the counter making a thud to make Jack's fatherly figure shut up and stop making him feel guilty for the time he spend with James, he had enough trouble looking himself in the mirror as it already was.

"On the house, just make our boy happy." Logan grumbled but he forced his sour face to change expressions the moment Jack came back.

"Ready! Let's hit it!"

"After you Romeo!" Jack giggled wrapped his arm around Logan's and they headed out. Logan let him pick the restaurant, they ate while catching up on the various things they had in common, music, movies, almost everything really, and while Jack was floating on cloud nine Logan tried to ignore the fact that he never got to find out James's favorites on these subjects.

"…and the new season starts Tuesday."

"I'll probably be working the night shift but you can record it and we can watch it Wednesday night huddled up on the couch. How does that sound?"

"Wonderful actually, it's a date!"

"You're glowing you know?"

"I'm happy that we're back together again, that we're here…"

"Me too."

"I can see that." Either Jack was lying or Logan was a better actor than he thought he was, either way the important thing was not to let his mind wander and he had finally managed to get some success on that.

"So wanna go visit my parents next month?"

"Sure no problem…Did you tell them we're back together?"

"Umm, not yet…But I will next time I talk to them, no biggie…"

"Bet they were pissed about the stand I pulled…"

"I won't lie, they were mad, my mother may chew your head off just a little bit…"

"Well, mothers can be overprotective or so I'm told, I wouldn't know…"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean…"

"Not your fault my mother's a bitch Logan. Relax!" But instead of Jack's puritan mother he thought of Brooke Diamond and he continued his dinner in silence while he wracked his brain thinking what other things he could have said to the woman in that one and only conversation he had with her, what else could he have done to free James from his gilded cage.

"Hey, sweetheart stop doing that, I'm not made of glass you know." Jack's words stung his heart, were they too similar, too compatible, did he treat him the same way others treated him? Was he supposed to become James for him to make things work? Who was the other's emotional crutch here? Was he using Jack to feel superior somehow? He thought the confusion would pass with time but what if he was wrong? He never thought of such things before, but now they flooded his mind and made his head spin, and he knew all too well whose fault it was, the damn bartender's who had him captivated with that silly gorgeous smile.

"What are you thinking now?"

"Oh, umm, nothing just hospital stuff you know…"

"You want go back to work don't you sweetie?"

"No, no! I'm fine! I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy my chicken don't worry about it."

"Good." But then he's beeper went on, and even though Jack caught the flash of a smile Logan shot as he checked the code he said nothing.

"Apparently they have other plans for me back at work…I need to make a phone call…"

"Go ahead. I understand."

"It probably isn't anything too important…Just checking how long I'll be out…"

"Logan don't worry about it, you're trying for me, I'm going to try too." It made him smile and calmed his heart; maybe they did have a shot after all.

He called the hospital, they told him that one of the residents wanted him back to discuss a case but they gave no other inclinations about it. Logan apologized once more knowing that even though Jack showed understanding it still hurt him in some level. They still had a long road ahead of them after all, Logan actually carried the delusion that they could make it work.

They had a staff meeting at Eden's that day and as usual tension was sky high, everyone except James had complaints to the boss, something that is bound to happen when he acts more like one of the guys than an employer, something that Chelsea tried in vain to take advantage off in her campaign to put James down a peg.

"And lately you've been overdoing it with the give-away drinks Diamond."

"Oh, please. I keep perfect count, I already gave Tony the damage Chelsea, he'll deduct it from my pay and he doesn't mind, do you boss?"

"No James I don't. It makes the customers hang around longer."

"And he tried to play DJ the other day."

"Yeah but I was good, better than the snotty pimple punks we usually host in here." The boss and James shared a laugh, Chelsea grumbled, Brad twitted away not paying any attention at all, and Shiva kept her silence. It wasn't time yet. Soon the signs in her teacup said.

"So basically it's same old same old. If you guys don't have anything else to say how about we call it a day, you all need to catch some zees?" Now, the leaves told her.

"James locks himself in the back room and cries every night…" She ominously whispered, sipped her tea and let silence fall like a hammer on them.

"What did you say Martha…?"

"Tony don't…Don't listen to her man, she's just being her usual screwy self."

"Is that why you're shaking James dear?"

"SHUT UP SHIVA!"

"James calm down. What is going on here?"

"He's been having a rough time, I thought you should know. Maybe he'll open up to you."

"I'm perfectly fine! She's lying!"

"Careful mortal, I know just the perfect Finish curse for you…"

"Shiva stop acting like the Wicked Witch for five seconds and tell me what this about like a normal person!"

"Normal's overrated Antony."

"I'll tell you what's up! Nothing! Nothing that's any of her business! And sorry to say this Tony but it's none of yours either!" He grabbed his jacket and stormed out, but his manager soon followed his trail.

"James! Calm down for a sec!"

"No! I'm done with her crap! She's been on my case since…"

"Since when? You guys are usually inseparable; she wouldn't have done this for no reason, what happened James?"

"I don't want to talk about it Tony, its personal ok?"

"Obviously, I'm not going to force you James. I'll let it slide for now, but if it's true and you're not feeling well you can have some days off you know?"

"Don't need to Tony, thanks for being a bud. Just tell Shiva to get off my case cause I'm this close on breaking the damn chivalry rule about hitting girls!"

"That bad huh? I'll talk to her, but James she cares for you, you know?"

"People don't care Tony, not as much as they think they do…" Before his boss could say anything James walked away, he was trapped in a torrent of emotions, a pain jabbing in his chest, growing and growing, a pain he named 'Logan' tormenting him to no end.

He got home, ignored his maid's greeting and went straight to his room, to his cage, filled with things he now hated, objects that now seemed trifle and ugly to him, the way he felt about himself every time he looked in a mirror ever since that night.

Then his gaze fell on it, tucked away under his pillows to help him fall into restless slumber, the damn red tie Logan asked for as a gift to bind them but so casually left behind when he walked out.

He lost all sense and went berserk, he started breaking stuff around, the small mementos he gathered around the world went first, his television followed, he grabbed the bag with the henna paint he used to show Logan how he felt and was ready to open the window to throw it out but in his madness and fit of rage he punched his arm right through the glass. That's when she came in, looking shocked and terrified gulping down her scream; she rushed on his side feeling the ground break underneath her feet.

"James! My boy! You're bleeding!"

"I'm fine Brooke…"

"No you're not! What have you done in here!? We need to take you to a doctor!"

"NO! NEVER! NO DOCTORS! NO MORE LOGANS!"

"James…." She stepped back and saw his anguished face, his eyes brimmed with tears, her heart cried out for her son, how much was his fault, how much hers?

"James calm down, you're getting pale, let me take you to the bathroom, clean you up…"

"Okay…" He mumbled childishly as the world around him spin, he let his mother lead him by the hand to the bathroom to clean up his wound, the ammonia stung, her persistence to go to a doctor stung deeper. Eventually they both caved in, Brooke called a doctor friend of hers to come home and look at James, James reluctantly let the old man treat his wound, but only one doctor could treat his real ailment and James promised himself not to see him ever again.

Hours later he fell asleep in the guest room refusing to go back and face what he had done, until Brooke woke him up hours later with a tray in her hands.

"James baby wake up, I brought you dinner."

"I'm not hungry…"

"Alright, enough is enough! Care to explain what in blazes is wrong with you!?"

"Like you don't know…"

"It's about the Logan boy isn't it?"

"Logan is no boy! And neither am I!"

"After that tantrum you threw I disagree! Seriously James, you're a Diamond! You're better than that! What's next? A suicide note!?"

"That was an accident, I'm not going to do that again, and being a Diamond has nothing to do with being hurt mom."

"You're preaching to the quire here James. I know love hurts, remember that poor excuse of a father of yours?"

"Yeah like you're any better! You practically drove Logan out!"

"No, I tested him to see if he was good enough for you and he passed with flying colors I may add."

"Yeah well, thank you for that, it didn't drive a wedge between us like at all!"

"Oh, please when are you going to take responsibility for your actions James? The boy was practically crushed that you didn't come to his defense."

"Doesn't matter what I did anymore, he dumped me anyways."

"Why?"

"What sort of question is that!?"

"A perfectly legitimate one, after the way he stood up for you, to me no less, he didn't look like someone who'd just give up because of a few bumps on the road."

"Yeah well, he did!"

"And you had no hand on this? No choice at all?"

"HE WENT BACK TO HIS SLIME OF AN EX MOM! HE GOT TIRED OF ME AND SCREWED ME OVER!"

"Ah, and you just let him go didn't you? Or were you the one who broke it up to save face?"

"Yeah well, it was pretty clear it wasn't going to work…"

"No, it wasn't, no relationship is going to work if you don't let it become a relationship first, what you need to do…"

"Is eat my dinner mom, just let me eat my dinner, I'm tired of being prosecuted for letting Logan go…"

"You want my help James, you have it, my sympathy, yours as well, but if you want my pity son? The way you keep on acting, no, I will not pity you James David, you're a man, and eventually you'll have to start acting like one. And for yours and that boy's sake I hope you do it soon, you're already on the verge of losing far too much." With that she left him to wallow in his misery, James though wasn't affected from her words. He heard them from Logan, someone far more important to him from anyone else and they weren't enough to make him change himself after all.

Logan entered his apartment silent like a ghost, he found Jack on his laptop with a strange smile towards the screen, probably playing something to pass the time, oblivious to Logan's troubles, he sighed, he was in no mood for what was about to follow.

"Hey…"

"God! Jeez Logan! You scared me!" He got up shaking turned down the laptop screen, and tried desperately to catch his exasperated breath.

"Sorry…"

"Ah, it's okay…Hey, what's wrong you don't look so well, did something happen at the hospital, what did they want with you anyways?"

"Yeah, they wanted to brief me on a case, I got assigned on a surgery, couple of weeks from now…Brain surgery…"

"And that's a bad thing!? Baby that's wonderful! You've worked your ass for that!"

"I know but it's a…a lost cause Jack…The patient has like thirty percent of pulling it out alive…"

"Oh, come on, I'm sure you can pull it off!"

"No I can't! The only reason my superior's taking the case is that she's nine Jack! I'm supposed to hack up a nine year old girl with brain tissue damage!"

"Logan…"

"He already gave me the it's-not-your-fault-these-things-happen speech! It's a lost cause! I can't work miracles Jack! I'm not God! Part of being a doctor is to know when to fold them and frankly I don't want to torture the poor girl for absolutely nothing!"

"Okay you don't have to shout I'm trying to be supportive here! Give you some hope…"

"You don't get it Jack! You just don't…"

"Would James get it?" Jack whispered, Logan turned and faced him like somebody splashed cold water on his face.

"What! Seriously!? You did not just say that!"

"Sorry it slipped out…"

"Don't! It didn't slip out! You just took a shot at me! And you know something? You don't get to do that! After what you did you don't get to judge me and you don't get to use James like that!"

"Yeah but you get a free pass for my shortcomings!?"

"Shortcomings!? Are you actually remorseful for all the crap you pulled or what?"

"How can you ask me that? And are you? Because you're acting pretty high and mighty and yes I cheated on you on a moments' weakness but you, you just did it to hurt me! And you just had to pick a hazel eyed stud to do it so I could even feel more inferior!"

"Your inferiority complex has nothing to do…Wait how do you know what James looks like?"

"I…I googled the guy, I was curious…It wasn't that hard, went through the club's page and he was there, he looks good…"

"You shouldn't have done that Jack, and I didn't sleep with James to hurt you back, I did because I…I couldn't say no to him…Because he looked at me in ways no else had…"

"I know what you mean, if I have to be honest that's how I grew close to Drew in the first place…We're screwed aren't we?"

"No, I'm not giving up; I can't give up…not now…" Logan leaned closer, drew Jack down to him for a kiss, his body found it wrong, his soul screamed for him to stop, but he forced himself to do it anyways, he had to push forwards, there was no other way.

"Just promise it's over between you and him…I can't bear to the thought that I'll lose you to that kind of guy Logan…It'll kill me…"

"I promise. I won't go anywhere near him…you too right? You're done running right?"

"I'll never see her again…promise…" Jack wrapped his legs around him like a spider, they sled down the couch gently, and as Logan struggled to remind himself how he was supposed to make gentle love to another man instead of unleashing the predator locked in his heart, Jack smiled arrogantly looking up to the ceiling, a smile of smugness, victory and satisfaction, a smile meant for an enemy he had never met.

Later while Jack was taking a shower Logan turned to the laptop screen to find James there, smiling and happy, radiant amongst a dancing crowd. Tears came burning out of his eyes, shame and guilt overtook him.

"I'm sorry James…I'm so, so sorry…Damn it…Damn it all…Why am I fucking doing this to us…" But he knew the answer, it was because they never became one, not in the way they were meant to be, and now he had trapped himself in a maze with no apparent exits and no happy endings for him or anyone else involved.

Shiva was trying to pick between her leather jackets when her door rung, it puzzled her, she expected no visitors especially since she was a step away from going off to work. She gazed from her peephole, said something to the fates and opened the door.

"Hi Marty…"

"What wind brings you at my door Diamond?"

"I thought we could go to work together."

"Oh, I thought we were done doing that."

"Shiva…" She rolled her eyes at his plea and gestured him to come inside.

"Don't get too comfortable, I'm almost done here."

"Sure."

"You've been a complete orc for the last few weeks, you know?" She didn't look at him; she pretended to be going through her leather chokers instead.

"Yeah and you've been Chelsea!"

"Gandr!" She screamed at him pointing a finger, and James just stared at her lost.

"What? In English please!"

"Consider yourself cursed!"

"Don't worry, I already do…"

"James seriously you have to stop whining…Why is your hand bandaged?"

"Because I'm stupid…" She came up to him and kneeled besides him, caressed his cheek and took the mangled hand in her own.

"No you're not…"

"Yes I am, I'm stupid and pathetic and a loser and I…I miss him Marty, I miss him so much…I can't even breathe sometimes…I miss my little white tiger…"

"You know what you are James Diamond? Blessed." He scoffed at that but she just shook her head and became uncharacteristically serious.

"No you are. Do you know why it hurts so much to lose Logan? Because it's real James, the real, one of a kind true love others spend lifetimes to find. It's destiny. You and he are children beloved by the gods and nothing can ever truly separate you."

"Stop trying to make me laugh Shiva."

"It's working isn't it? You're smiling after all. And do you know why I chose to look at the world the funny way I do? Like it's some sort of fairytale?"

"Because you banged your head someplace when you were little?"

"No! Because otherwise the world is too gray James. Here I am at twenty five, single, away from home, barely making end's meat, with my damn paper sitting unfinished in my computer way past overdue and with my best friend going through hell. All seven planes of it! And I choose to see the magic in life. And you my friend are a maker of worlds, a painter; it's your job to fill the world in color."

"I let my magic go. I let it die."

"Magic doesn't die, it sleeps. It'll come back to you."

"No it won't."

"Yes, yes it will. Have some faith, hope really, really hard and the inventible will happen." She stared at his hand then and in her mind's eye she could see it clearly. A vivid red string, originating from his heart and circling around his pinky, she knew what it meant and where it led to. She just wished James could see it too.

"Baby, did you forget to take your meds?"

"Don't quote Placebo on me James! You listen to the Gaga lady, I listen to actual good music. Besides I don't need them, what I need are new shoes!"

"I think I can fix that, how about I take you shopping Saturday?"

"Only if you let me pick them."

"Only if they don't have bats on them! Can you dress feminine at least for once?"

"I'd like you to know I have the perfect little cocktail dress stuffed in the closet, I'm just saving it for a special occasion." They got up; Shiva picked her stuff and went to the door, which James opened for her.

"You're a gentle soul James Diamond."

"Yeah, I'm a regular knight in shining armor when I want to be."

"Ugh, I hate knights, they ruin everything with hunting down all the good characters, how about you be the dragon to my witch?"

"How about I draw you one? One black scaly fire breather with big ruby eyes?"

"Really!?"

"Yes Glenda, really!"

"What have I told you about that one James!? TRIPLE GANDR ON YOU!" He rolled his eyes and laughed, maybe if he actually let a few of the dams down, didn't shut all the people caring for him out, he could make it through the pain of being separated from his soul mate. At least now he hoped.


	13. Chapter 13

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: Here you go you amazing people you! Lucky number 13! AND IT WAS A PAIN IN THE NECK! But I have people to support me and they pulled through! Meheartskendall and I brainstormed like crazy, Charoula who has better things to do than do my spell checks got my back, and WhatUpSchmidt kept holding my hand! Also all of you who review me and favorite and follow! I love you guys! And I love pming with you! I hope I haven't forgotten any of you! IF I HAVE DROP A WORD! And now I interrupt my regular writing for this important news! Go read WhatsUpSchmidt stories! GO! What are you doing still here!? GO! And give her love! OR ELSE IT'LL BE FROZEN ALL OVER AGAIN….Btw countdown for the ending for this GAME is a go! Did I forget to take my meds again? LALALALALA….**

It was way past time for Logan to go home but he refused to leave the hospital, he stayed locked away in the archive room digging up cases similar to the upcoming surgery he was going to perform, trying to find a thread of hope to grasp on to, anything would do, anything to save the tiny life tangling in his hands, but the more he searched the more he despaired about it. The knock on the door woke him from his trance and brought him back to the real world.

"Logan are you still in there?"

"Pete…"

"Yeah, can I come in or am I disturbing you?"

"Sure…"

"I'd ask what you were doing hauled up in here but it's obvious, any luck?"

"Lots of it Pete, all of it bad."

"She's not going to make it is she?"

"No. Probably not…"

"I don't get it, why is Dr. Lidrum making you do this if it's such a lost cause…"

"It's not his fault, he needs steady hands and a fresh outlook for this, and unfortunately for me I'm the best choice he has. He wants to help this girl and so do I but there's not much we can do about her, the nerve damage alone…Serves me right, all this time begging to be included in a brain surgery…I just don't know how I'll face her parents you know, no matter how many times we explain it to them now that they found someone to operate on her they still cling on hope…Enough of this, I need a breather, you were about to head out weren't you?"

"Shift's done. I ditched Harry and came to ask if you needed a ride home, or if you want we can go out with Nora and Jack for a drink or a late dinner? Get your mind of this?" Logan's expression went sour, he was in no mood for double dating, and there was something else nagging him, something evident on his face.

"What, things still not cozy with Jackie boy?"

"It's not that exactly…Can I ask you something Pete? Just between you and me was Jack always so needy, insecure? Or am I just seeing things because of James?" Peter cracked up, and Logan wanted to throw the pile of case files on his desk at him but that wouldn't make him stop anyways.

"You're still hung up on that bartender of yours, aren't you?"

"No, I love him there's a huge difference."

"Then what the hell are you doing with Jack Logan!"

"Because James is not good for me! He doesn't want me! And I care for Jack, I do. I thought things were going to be easy now that I know the route of our problem but they're not! He tries, he really tries, but I called him a couple of hours ago to tell him I'll be late and he bitched about our dinner getting cold! And a couple of days ago he looked up on James on the internet, we almost had a fight about it, scratch that I wanted to rip his throat for being noisy and going behind my back! I think he feels threatened by him, he believes it's not over between us, that I'm going to leave him for James!"

"For good reason obviously. You can't do this halfheartedly Logan. You're either in a relationship or you're not."

"I know, I just find myself comparing them unconsciously sometimes, James is far from perfect believe me, but every flaw he has, I don't know, it's like it's supposed to be there, like a piece of a puzzle and I want to put all of him back together…Am I making sense?"

"No, but love doesn't make much sense anyways."

"Fuck, maybe I just need more time; maybe I shouldn't have jumped the gun taking Jack back…"

"Oh you think? Well d'uh! Have you two…you know?"

"Yeah…"

"And?"

"And what? The things I did with James were so intense, nobody has ever touched me like that and no one ever will, and I don't expect Jack to measure up to that, James was one of a kind. He and I had so much fire, but it burned us Pete, it consumed us…"

"Then Logan you're fooling yourself, it's only a matter of time until you get fed up and break Jack's heart, better do it sooner than later."

"No. Not after everything I've been through, I won't let James win."

"Care to explain what the fuck does that even mean!?"

"I don't want him to be right! He told me I'm using Jack as some sort of prize, like an emotional crutch so I can feel superior! But I have feelings for him alright! We have a history together, we can make this work! James can't be right! I won't let him own me for the rest of my life! I'd rather be a masochistic fool than crawl back to him!"

"Sorry to say this Logs but the way I see it James isn't that far away from the truth."

"How can you say that? Pete I'm not that kind of person!"

"I'm not saying you're doing it on purpose! I'm just saying that in some subconscious level you're lashing out. Getting back at them for what they've put you through. Because Logan you've been through a lot the past few months, a few bad judgment calls are understandable…" Now that he heard it from a third party it didn't ring so farfetched in his ears, he had lost himself in all this, if he had to be honest he didn't know who he truly was from the beginning, he hid behind his inhibitions, his roles, the older hero brother, the prodigy doctor, the emotional glass man, only James tried to unpeel the layers, only James wanted him to be himself.

"Logs I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"You know something Peter, it's far too late to second guess myself, screw it. I'll just go with the flow and see where I end up, how long I'll last in this. How about I call Jack and see if he's up for that double date of yours?"

"Fine, suit yourself. I just think you need to step back and reexamine the whole thing, because even now you have options, you're not completely trapped you know?" Logan just nodded and picked up his phone, he let it ring a few times but no answer came from the other side, he looked up at Peter confused and startled.

"He's not answering."

"At this hour? Where the hell could he be?"

"I think I know…Fuck…" A million scenarios ran through his head, each one worst than the other, and he didn't like any of them.

* * *

It was one of Eden's busiest nights, the dance floor looked more like a battlefield with all the frenzied bodies thrashing around to the music beat, James finally after all of his ordeals had felt more like his old self, he was back to being charming, funny, he glowed with that natural charisma that had people drawn to him like moths to flames, the only thing he still missed was that predatory sexual appetite, he had locked that part of him away along with his feelings for Logan, it bothered him but then again he knew all too well that he wasn't ready to move on. He wasn't even sure if he was ever going to move on, Logan's cuts ran deep and the wounds hadn't even truly began to heal.

Among the line of customers waiting to be served somebody called out to him, but James wasn't paying much attention he was too focused on playing truth or dare with some of his regular patrons, and then he stepped up, shoving through them, ignoring the name calling and complaints about cutting the line until he finally reached his goal.

"Hey smart guy! No need to push! This is a bar not the sales for Macy's!"

"I'm sorry! But I'm kind of in a hurry!"

"It's okay Chels! Let him trough, relax buddy, you'll get your drink!"

"Diamond, are you James Diamond?"

"Yeah, what can I get you speedy?"

"You don't know who I am, do you?" James searched his memories, the guy looked familiar but he couldn't exactly place him, he wasn't a past conquest that was for sure, the guy was cute not hot, and James liked them hot, and with that description Logan's face flashed through his mind, not hot enough for his little kitty, finally he knew who the man was from the pictures in his facebook page.

"Jack. You're Jack."

"Logan's Jack." That little clarification oozed bile and it made James want to punch the living daylights out of him, but what good would that do at this stage.

"Why are you here?" His features hardened, his pulse raced, he tightened his fists. His entire being wanted to go to war, jump from the counter and wring his scrawny neck for stealing Logan away, but the war was far over, James had thrown the towel in and knew it all too well, thus despite of all the rage building inside him he held himself in check.

"To get a drink, to see you up close, to see what I'm going up against, and to clear up a few things. I want to know what went on between you and Logan. I want to know if it's really over." James shook his head and smirked, he remembered how he told Logan once how he didn't like chick flicks, apparently his life had turned into a bad scripted one.

"Look, I have nothing to say to you, I don't know what Logan told you about us, but what we had, and it wasn't much trust me, is over."

"See, I don't buy that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I know Logan." He found it funny, nobody knew Logan like he knew Logan, but let Jack keep his delusions; it would be easier to get this over with that way.

"Enlighten me then."

"He likes to think he has everything under control but when it comes to people he cares about he gets attached, he puts them on a pedestal and I know he wouldn't have slept with you more than once if there weren't some feelings involved."

"So you're here to ask me if Logan was in love with me. Wow, I thought he was the overemotional one in your relationship, guess I was wrong."

"Is in love with you, not was, there's no off switch in these things. I'm not stupid; I know he thinks about you, he tries to hide it but I can see it in his eyes, his mind wanders. But I can deal with that, it's natural after what I put him through. What I want to know is if you are in love with him, because if you are I want you to know I'm prepared to fight for him tooth and nail!"

"Okay mister back off a sec here! First of all I honestly have nothing to answer to you for, you left him, you walked out, he was single, I don't have to apologize for anything to a stranger about, and neither does he actually, and second what does it even matter if I fell for him? He made his choice, hooray for you, you won. Are you gonna order something now or are you going to play bad cop all night and hog the line for no good reason?"

"Give me some scotch." James poured him a drink, he poured one for himself too, and he left the bottle close, he was either going to be forced to empty it or bash it on Jack's head.

"Let me tell you why it matters, I want Logan be mine one hundred percent and the thought of him coming back to you or you coming after him is driving me up the walls!"

"Excuse me, but can you spell hypocrite for me?"

"Don't judge me! I was in a dark place! I didn't mean to hurt him!"

"You did though! You had that miracle of a man and you devastated him, you crippled his confidence big time! If you could have seen him the night I met him you wouldn't have the nerve to even look him in the eyes!"

"I was right! You are in love with him!"

"I'm not! But it would take a blind man or an idiot to walk away from a man like that!" His anger boiled, he let it spill losing his self-control but Jack's audacity was too much for him to handle.

"And now who's the one being the hypocrite here!? Stop denying it, you obviously have feelings for him!"

"No we were just friends with benefits nothing more, but yeah, Logan does get attached, he got confused and thought he wanted more from me, and then when I didn't know how to deal with it you came along and gave me the opportunity to end it. Thanks for that by the way, it made things a lot easier." This wasn't the first time James had to deal with a situation like this and his experience helped him keep the charade up, and with each lie and half truth it was easier, he was doing this for Logan, not himself, not Jack, Logan and at the core of it all he wanted his Logan to be happy, even if it meant he was never going to be his again.

"You expect me to believe it was just attraction?"

"Dude it was all just a game, I just wanted to have fun with him and at some point it stopped being fun, if you know Logan as much as you think you do you know he likes to complicate things, am I right?"

"That's true…And you're not planning on doing anything funny like come after him?"

"No! Why would I do that? Look at me! Look at what I do for a living! I can get anyone I want; there are thousands of Logans out there. I don't need the drama bull, you did me a favor take my word for it."

"I wish I could trust you, but no, sorry I don't believe you, maybe you've convinced yourself that it was just physical but I think there's more going on here, and it's far from over."

"Are you deaf man? I told you it doesn't matter if I have feelings or not. I'm not going to come after him and wreck his chance for a happy stable life, because that's what he wants. Stable. And I'm not capable of giving him that, I don't even want it for myself."

"How do I know you're not just saying all this to protect him?"

"Oh come on! You know something, if you've already made your conclusions there's nothing I can do to change your mind, you either trust Logan or you don't! Ask yourself do you?!"

"But he talks about you like you had something special going on…"

"Yeah we did! You know what that was? Great sex! Nothing more!"

"But he…"

"Look whatever problems you have are yours and Logan's to deal with! I walked out of this mess! I don't care what you do as long as you don't hurt him again!" He looked at him exasperated, he couldn't restrain himself any longer and Jack could see it clearly now, his pain, his worry, the devotion, telegraphed on his face.

"There it is! You love him!"

"Whatever! You only hear what you want to hear! I think you just want to validate your insecurities and your actions! And I'm not going to do you that favor! Logan's yours, if that's not good enough for you then there's nothing I can do about it!"

"Just stay away from us okay!?"

"I'll stay away alright! As far away from him as I possibly can! You have my word on that!"

"GOOD!" Jack drank his scotch in one sip, threw some money at the table and walked out, James was left glaring daggers at his back, Shiva came up to him, put a hand on his tense shoulder in order to relax him.

"Was that who I think it was?"

"Yeah, I knew he wasn't good enough for him…If he hurts him Martha I swear to God…"

"James whatever happens, happens, some things are simply out of you hand you know? Too much chaos in this universe and a man has to accept that especially when it comes on going up against destiny." James sighed, and picked up his work pace again, he had pushed Logan to another man thinking it was for the best for all of the involved. Obviously he was wrong.

* * *

Jack was so certain that Logan would still be at the hospital that he didn't even try to be quiet, he walked into the apartment whistling and hyper, and smug with self-satisfaction thinking he had all his bases covered but when he saw Logan waiting him arms crossed over his chest his heart plummeted.

"Sweetie you're back…"

"Oh, yeah! Like an hour ago, what I want to know is where you were?"

"Out for a walk…"

"Oh please! Are you an idiot or do you think I'm an idiot!?"

"I wasn't with who you think I was! I wasn't with Drew!"

"Did I say you were with Drew? Why are you jumping the gun? Why are you stalling on answering the question and why are you so flushed?" He walked close to him, centimeters away from his mouth the scent of alcohol hit his nostrils, and that's how he verified his fear.

"Whiskey…"

"Logan let me explain…"

"You went to Eden didn't you!? You went to see James! Why Jack!? Isn't my word good enough for you!?"

"No baby I trust you! But I needed to make sure that I had nothing to worry about, if he was a threat in our relationship or not!"

"Are you kidding me?! How paranoid can you get Jack? I broke it off with him before I took you back! How many times do I have to nail it down until you get it!? James and I shared something but I ended it!"

"No he broke it off with you! There's a huge difference! And I'm not that paranoid, you've been distant again, even when we're together you seem to be thinking of something else…"

"You know something Jack I don't need this fight right now, I have more important things to focus on…"

"More important things than us?! Of course heaven forbid you put us first!"

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? How insensitive can you get! I have a nine year old girl's life on the line and you want me to do what? Stroke your ego and reassure you! Can you just grow up Jack!?"

"But you said there's nothing you can do about her, so I thought…"

"That what, I shouldn't even try!?" He walked away from him with a hurried pace, he was so disgusted with his attitude that he wanted to vomit, disappointed, with both of them really.

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT!"

"You know something fuck it! The only reason I wanted to try to get back together with you was…"

"That the hunk behind the bar counter didn't want you anymore!"

"Boy, you're full of it! But you always were, weren't you? I just couldn't see it the first time around."

"The fact is Logan I tried my best to know you, to be there for you but you never did the same for me!"

"And frankly I don't want to anymore, we're done. Pack your things; I want you out, the sooner the better."

"So you want to be alone! Is that what you want?"

"I'm not scared of that Jack, I was the first time we went through this but now I know I can survive it, it's you who's afraid of living by yourself. And if you want the truth, for better or worse I can probably be with one person only and as you said he doesn't want me anymore, I don't know if he ever did, but it's better to be alone than fool myself and drag others down with me."

"Logan don't do this…it was just the heat of the moment…we can work it out…"

"Jack the real problem is we never had any heat, I've only had that once and it wasn't with you, and I was a stubborn idiot for not seeing it sooner. I'm sorry but you're holding me back, we're holding each other back. Go, open your mind and go back to Drew if you want to give that another shot or find someone else that'll push you to extremes, but be careful not to lose him or her, because then you may end up like me, incapable of loving anyone else…"

"Why are you doing this to us sweetheart…?"

"Because it's James or no one, and I'd rather it be no one if it'll spare me for more pain…"

"You know something!? Damn you and damn him too!" He walked out and slammed the door behind him and Logan collapsed at the couch the moment he was alone again, he found he had no tears this time, he simply stared at the empty ceiling with a half sad smirk.

"There…I admit it…You've ruined me for life bar boy…satisfied now…?"

* * *

The second break up was much easier on Logan than the first. Jack returned by morning to pack his things, Logan left for work and that was it. Of course Jack begged for Logan to give them another chance but this time Logan was adamant on not making the same mistake twice. He had more than enough heartache to last a lifetime, he was sick of it; on the coming days he focused on something much more important, the grave task he was assigned on.

Her name was Rebecca, but she preferred to be called Revy, she had black curly hair and she had plum cheeks and a smile so warm that could melt ice, she liked colorful ponies, rainbows, and the mad scientist dad in that movie with the yellow minions, she wanted to marry the nice brother from the vampire show she wasn't supposed to stay up late and watch, her favorite color was light green not green-green and she insisted there was a difference, and she reminded Logan of his own little sister too damn much for his own good.

She also had a severe case of diabetes coupled with brain hematomas, which made her upcoming operation that much harder, the chances were so slim but still Logan was holding on straws.

Despite warnings from his superior not to, and his own professionalism Logan spend entire nights seating next to her, reading her books about princesses' white as snow locked away in glass coffins waiting for a prince's kiss in an effort to calm her down at nights and ease her sleep, when mommy needed rest herself or daddy couldn't bear looking at his little girl strapped on machines and crying because of splitting headaches.

"Do you have a princess Doctor Mitchell?" She asked him out of the blue catching him off guard one afternoon, days away from day zero.

"I told you Revy, I'd rather have a prince too."

"Okay I forgot cause you're cute…" And that was all the justification a girl her age needed to forget their age difference and the fact that Logan told her he was gay just to make her laugh one day.

"Not as cute as you but thanks for the compliment."

"Do you have a prince then Doctor Mitchell?"

"I've told you, you can call me Logan when we're alone, and I used to have one…Two actually…"

"What happened to them?"

"One had a fickle heart, it shrunk until it became little, like coal, the other one had one made out of glass…I cracked it and it broke. Neither wanted to have a happy ever after with me…" Which one of the two had which heart though Logan couldn't decide even at this point of his story though.

"Maybe they were under some spell, these things happen you know? Have you tried looking it up in the Hogwarts's library? Maybe you can fix it?"

"Never got the owl letter. Sorry, your doctor's a muggle apparently."

"Don't sweat it, I never got it either. Although the Shorting Hat I have back home says I'm a Gryffindor. Are you sure you like princes and not princesses? Maybe if the right one came along…"

"Yeah love, I'm pretty sure, sorry to disappoint. And I' m tired of waiting, old people are funny like that…"

"You're not that old! You're old when your hair starts to gray and your hair's perfect!

"Thank God for small miracles I haven't gone gray and bold then after everything I've been through…"

"Oh, can we go back to our subject! Can I ask you for a favor? Will you make an exception for me? Seriously? No fairy tale jokes?"

"What do you mean Revy?"

"When you finish with my surgery and if I'm okay…" Logan grabbed her tiny shaking hand the thought was as unbearable to him as much as it was for her.

"You'll be okay! Everything's going to be alright…"

"I know, mommy says so too cause you and Doctor Lidrum are brave enough to try, but after the surgery I'll still be sleeping right? Like Snow White?"

"Yeah just for a little while though…" So he hoped, so he prayed with all his heart.

"Can you wake me with a kiss? On the chick I mean! Nothing too gross! Cause boys can be gross!"

"Of course princess, I promise…Whatever you want…" The words no doctor should ever say to a patient slipped out, coupled with the words he so desperately wanted to erase from his heart, he kissed the back of her hand tenderly and stroked her head, there was admiration in her little black tired eyes, hope, and Logan only prayed he could live up to her expectations.

"Good! And if you find your prince, your real one because good people always do get their happy ever after, I'll be the flower girl in your wedding ok?"

"Right next to my little sister curly girl I promise…"

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to be the one wearing the wedding dress or will you have the other guy wear it?"

"Very funny Revy!" She laughed with his pouting expression curled like a little ball holding her aching stomach down; Logan would never forget that sound. It would make him smile and haunt him at the same time for the rest of his life.


	14. Chapter 14

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**AN: Can you taste that my dear friends? That's the taste of the approaching ending coming soon. Only O-N-E more chapter to go. Just one. One I hope will satisfy you and bring proper closure to this story. Just stay with me, give me some support, call me a few names for this chapter and soon we will be facing tomorrow together. And I sooo went behind all my betas backs and didn't send them the last part of this chapter! I AM ALL THE EVILS OF THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

" _Call it Doctor Mitchell."_

" _Time of death 13.04 PM…"_

Logan scrubbed his hands a million times over with soap and hot scorching water but in his mind's eyes he could still see it, her blood dripping through his fingers. He had become an empty blank; the events of the day had merged into an incoherent singularity, all coming back into one single moment.

" _Time of death…"_

He stood behind Doctor Lidrum solemn as he broke the news to her parents, eyes locked on them as they fell apart, as their world came crushing down, he engraved the image of them weeping and screaming in each other's arms, this was the price for his failure, the only thing he could do was apologize over and over and try to uphold the professional façade, hold back his own tears, because he had no right to shed them.

" _I'm sorry Mrs. Lance…I'm so sorry…"_

" _Time of death…"_

Dr. Lidrum gave him all the platitudes he expected to hear, it's not your fault, take this cruel lesson to heart, we can't control all the variables, take a few days off if you need to, and so on and so on but Logan had zoned him out, his head was filled with only the words that he was forced to utter back in the surgery room when her life line went flat.

" _Sometimes even your best simply isn't good enough Logan; you have to come to terms with that it's a crucial part of the job, even in these kinds of cases you'll have to find the strength to detach yourself."_

" _Time of death…"_

As he did the paper work people came up to him and gave him their pity, residents, nurses, even his fellow interns that hated his guts out of envy of his skills, skills that to him now seemed too overestimated, unneeded, Logan cursed them all, would it be that hard to leave him alone for one simple single second.

" _Hey Mitchell, don't beat yourself up man, you gave a decent fight…"_

" _Time of death…"_

Peter and Harry begged him through the phone to wait for them to finish their ambulance shift, so he wouldn't have to face this by himself but Logan refused them both, he made the mistake of telling them that he was fine when he was obviously not, it pissed them both, and when he had enough of their shouting and their smothering he simply hang up and shut the phone off.

" _Just wait for us in the parking lot Logs will be there in half an hour…"_

" _Time of death…"_

He threw his lab coat in his locker and slammed the door shut, deciding that he wasn't worthy of wearing it ever again, regretting that he wore it in the first place. Feeling suffocated by the hospital's white walls he hurried out into the grey world. It was raining, he was wearing both a parka and a jacket but he didn't bother with the hood, he let the cold rain whip his face as he drifted down the street, he could barely feel the raindrops after all, his heart had stopped beating the same time as hers.

" _And if you find your prince, your real one because good people always do get their happy ever after, I'll be the flower girl in your wedding ok?"_

" _Time of death…"_

How would he ever face his sister again, when it was because of her that he wanted to be the best, to make her proud? How would he look at her and not think of the curly little princess who even in her deathbed was so filled with hope.

" _When you finish with my surgery and if I'm okay…"_

" _Time of death…"_

In the rain he couldn't make the buildings out, the streets, he didn't know where he was heading, his body was in auto control and he allowed it to lead him wherever it wanted to go. Internally he struggled to find where was it that he went wrong, was his research insufficient, did his hands slip as he was making an incision, was it because he lacked sleep, because he felt restless the night before, or was it, and this was the dreadful thought that chilled him to the marrow, because of a certain bartender and the emotional toll all of their stupid games had taken on him.

" _Can you wake me with a kiss?_

" _Rebecca S. Lance time of death 13.04 PM December the 14th…"_

He was too cut off from reality, he didn't pay attention to his surroundings, he could have easily fallen off the train tracks as he waited on the platforms to board one, or he could have been ran over by a speeding car as he passed the crossing while the pedestrian light was still red. But no, it wasn't until he noticed the neon light flashing that he realized where his feet had curried him, betrayed by his own self once more.

With a choked up laugh and filled with self-hatred he stood in line to enter Eden's Fall.

* * *

When he reached the door the bouncer stopped him and looked down at him funny, Logan couldn't recall his name, but the other man's awkward expression telegraphed he remembered who he was.

"Doc?! What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for a drink…"

"I thought you and James called it splits…"

"I'm not here for James, I just need a drink."

"I don't think that's a good idea man."

"I know that it looks like that I'm here to torture him but trust me the only one who's going to get even more heartbroken tonight is me if that's even possible…"

"You're wrong Doc, he has been a wreck lately, he thinks he's been doing better but ever since you two…Oh, fuck it! Go ahead I'll pretend you slipped by me."

"Thanks…I appreciate it…" A thankful pat on the shoulder and Logan entered the place he thought he'd never set foot in again, the place that led him to experience so much pleasure, and so much pain.

He was half way through to the bar when he felt someone grab him by the wrist, he was filled with terror as he turned around expecting to find a furious James, but when he saw the rude waitress giving him the evil eye he chuckled, and of course her name he remembered properly.

"Let me go Chels."

"Only my friends get to call me that lover boy. Care to explain…"

"God you people! You aren't doing him any favors by sheltering him you know! He's already spoiled rotten! It's why he believes he can get away with the Casanova attitude!"

"And I should do what, let you waltz up there and walk all over him again!"

"Oh, is that how he tells it, that I screwed him over! Well, you've been misinformed sweetheart!"

"No, he doesn't talk about you, you moron, you're the first one who actually managed to get under his skin so now he's closed up even to us. The only one who's made any real progress is Shiva and even she can't make him smile for long!"

"Look, Chelsea, I get it. I know James, I know it's hard to believe it but I know him better than any of you. I know I hurt him, but please one last time, I need to see him one last time."

"Fine, but only because I think he needs to see you too."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. See how it plays out first."

"I'm not here for games, not tonight…"

He walked up to the bar, he saw him and stopped, for a moment he hesitated, a cataclysm of emotions came crushing down on him, love, lust, and above all else despair and disappointment, for himself and for the beautiful stranger that had taken over his life, the one that made him lose control and shattered his sanity. How could someone in such a small amount of time turn his world completely upside down? He knew what needed to be done; where he had taken the wrong turn and fell into the rabbit hall head first, and he knew how to rectify it, he just didn't know if it would be enough.

There was no empty seat at James' side so he went to Shiva's corner instead passing right by him. When James saw him he froze up for a fraction of a second, before Logan could take his seat James walked up to him and the once breathtaking face was distorted with wrath, Logan was hardly fazed by it though.

"What's the big idea!? First that scumbag of a boyfriend of yours and now you!?"

"Ex-boyfriend, I broke up with him and it's final this time. Not that you care."

"You're right, I don't! And I don't want you here either, leave Logan. Spare me for having to kick you out."

"I'm not here for you; I'm here for a drink."

"James calm down, talk it out…"

"No! Martha stay out of this! Get your drink someplace else heartbreaker, I told you we're done!"

"Oh, please! Like you even have a heart for me to break!"

"Nice one tiger THANKS! You know something, I'm tired of you, I have work to do, people to serve."

"Look James! I'm here to get some sense of closure; I'm here to do what I should have done in the first place! Get drunk, go home and move on with my life! You'll deny me even that!"

"You can take a hike or you can stay and stare at me all you want. Do whatever you want Doc, I don't give a damn anymore…"

"Then get me a bottle of whiskey and leave me alone…" Logan took his wallet out emptied it and threw the money at him, James picked a bottle up and slammed it on the table with a loud thud, it almost broke into a thousand pieces like his heart was broken buried deep inside of him, then he returned to his post and turned his back to him.

"Logan what happened? Why are you doing this to him, to yourself? It's not the right time yet."

"Keep the ice Shiva, and I don't need a glass either." He drank straight from the bottle, tears escaped his eyes, and he stared at James intensely and now there was burning hate mixed inside him too.

"Alright, if you want to waste yourself it's your choice but do me a favor, write your address down so I can get you home later."

"No need to worry, I don't live that far. I can take care of myself."

"Logan please, I'm your friend here, give me this boon and I will not bother you again."

"Fine…" She gave him a napkin and a pen and after she had the information she left him in his misery but she stayed close to him, so she could hear his raging words. James on the other hand caught glances of him as he gulped the bottle down. It was evident that Logan was broken, mad, and James hated that part of him that wanted to run to his side and take him in his arms and comfort him. But he didn't. His bruised ego wouldn't have it.

The hours passed and with them Logan withered away, the walls of his mind crumbled, his world begun to spin, James saw him talk to Shiva from time to time, and from her pained expression he knew that he was talking of their love. He couldn't be more wrong.

"She was so brave…She had such faith in me, I could see it in her tiny little shining eyes…I failed her…I'm a failure…a complete failure…as a doctor, as a man…" Shiva would often try to take his hand in hers only for him to take it away and grab the bottle. James couldn't take the scene for long, out of jealousy and out of worry he cornered her while she was serving someone else and with his best poker face on he questioned her pretending not to care.

"So is he crying about me or the Jackass?"

"You're an oblivious idiot. Haven't I told you before James, the world doesn't revolve around you?"

"Oh, come on, he's here to ruffle me up, make me feel guilty and take him back." He said smugly and when she caught the gratification in his voice she finally snapped.

"No! He's here because a nine year old died in his arms today James! Happy now?!"

"Really…?"

"Yes, brain clogs and nerve damage or something. He's devastated James."

"Switch with me." Not a moment's hesitation, not a second thought, just his soul screaming to him what needed to be done.

"Are you sure?"

"He needs me, he needs to be close to me, to unburden, and he needs to let me go. Switch with me."

"Who needs to let go of whom here James is a question for the beholder." And with that they changed places, when Logan saw James approach he let out an empty hollow laugh.

"She told you."

"Yeah, but I want to hear it from you. Tell me about her. What was her name?"

"Take your pity and shove it up your ass James."

"I never pitied you Logan, you know that."

"No I don't. Because you never told me what you felt about me."

"Logan, you're here to pull the pieces back together, and I'm the bartender that listens remember, let it out. Everything. I'm listening. I'm here." James took a glass, poured some whiskey for himself and trapped Logan in those hazel eyes he fell in love with. Logan took a breath in and when he let it go he felt the barb wires around his heart crumble.

"Revy, her name was Revy, she was nine and she died on my operating table dreaming I'll wake her up like Sleeping Beauty…I wasn't worthy of her trust...God, I wish I had never touched a scalpel...worthless…"

"I seriously doubt that but I'm not going to argue with you tonight. To Revy then. May she rest in peace." James hit the bottle gently with his own glass and swallowed his shot down, and Logan once again after what seemed like forever, felt like he wasn't facing this dark cruel world alone.

They didn't talk too much, James was scared of getting too close, and Logan could see it, it drove him insane. As he fell into a drunken stupor he started ranting about everything that had turned his life upside down in the last few months, James kept his silence, about Logan swearing to quit his job, about Jack and his juvenile obsession, even when Logan called him names like liar and manipulator James took everything in.

"You're a liar, you know that right, whatever I want you always told me…bullshit…"

"I know…I'm sorry…" James whispered low enough so Logan wouldn't hear him under the music's wild beat, he felt shame at the same time he felt anger, because he knew it wasn't all his fault but he didn't dare to vex his own disappointment out.

As the night passed away the bottle became almost as empty as the club, Logan had rested his head on the counter and had almost passed out from the booze, James knew what he had to do, but he was too scared to do it. Shiva's instinct though told her that it was time.

"You're taking him home."

"No, we're putting him in a cab. There's a limit on how much punishment I can take Shiva."

"No, you're taking him home James. Or do you want him to break his neck climbing up the stairs or choke on his own vomit?"

"You do it then…"

"STOP BEING SO STUBBORN DIAMOND AND ACCEPT YOUR DAMN FATE!" Shiva shoved the napkin on his chest and stomped into the kitchen room leaving James baffled and confused about the choice he had to make. But there was no choice at all really; one look at Logan's shambled state and that was it.

"Come on tiger upsy daisy, let's go."

"Leave me alone…"

"Don't play hardball with me Doc." James tried to pick him up only to have Logan suddenly jolt to life fuming.

"No! Don't touch me! Don't you dare! After everything you did to me…" But his outburst came with a cost, he felt his feet go weak; the club's flashing lights made his head hurt and the room spin, before he knew it gravity forced him in James' arms, he felt safe and repulsed at the same time.

"Let go…" Logan was too weak to fight him, James sighed and smiled and prayed that Logan couldn't hear how his heart raged.

"I can't damn you…"

* * *

Logan made the way home slow torture for James, every few minutes he would either slip to an almost fall prompting James to save him or try to escape his supporting arms completely, and that wasn't even the worst part, it was Logan's words that hurt him the most. Logan bluntly named every mistake James had made in their tangled mess of a relationship right in his face. And James had no way to fight him. The few times he tried Logan would brush him off thanks to the alcohol or pretend he didn't hear him.

"That day, that stupid day I talked to your mother…would it really have killed you to step up for yourself, to come after me…"

"I couldn't, I couldn't move my feet…"

"Yeah cause you're a coward…"

"You've already said that, is this the place?"

"Don't remember…"

"Logan it's your own damn building focus here!"

"Maybe, I think, and you always shout to me when I push you, you always run away…" Logan's misty eyes and half smile filled James with nostalgia of simpler times; his heart squeezed and filled him with raw pain.

"Again with the little innocent act huh?"

"Yeah but you missed it…"

"No, no I didn't, give me the keys."

"Back pocket come and get them…" Logan surged his body on him, James pushed him away only for Logan to do it again leaving him no quarter, without a choice he slipped his hand in the pocket and pulled the keys out with a trembling hand.

"Don't do that again, I don't care how vulnerable you feel, we're not going there."

"Because you hate me now don't you?" James didn't answer; he opened the door and cussed when he saw the stairs.

"Which floor?"

"…fourth…"

"Of course and of course there's no elevator…"

"Why don't you carry me then oh, prince charming…?"

"Shut up Mitchell!" Logan continued with the juvenile antics as they came up the stairs, only for him to stop one floor away from his.

"This is where she lived…the neighbor who stole my Jackass…" That unconscious little comment stung James's pride more than anything he had said that night, the reminder that Logan loved someone else instead of him.

"At least now you're the one calling him Jackass."

"Your fault entirely…"

"You keep saying that! Everything's my fault!"

"No…it my fault that I fell in love with you…"

"No you didn't. If you loved me you wouldn't have…" He stopped cold when they reached the apartment door, James opened it, flipped the lights and helped Logan in, he got him to his bed where Logan collapsed like a wind up doll whose time had ran out and buried his head in the pillows.

"How do you feel?"

"Head hurts, nauseous…"

"I'll go make you some coffee to sober you up and get you a bucket just in case you need to puke. Have you actually eaten anything all day?"

"Wasn't hungry…I have some hangover pills in the medicine cabinet…"

"Try not to go to sleep with an empty stomach, be back in a few."

In his way to the kitchen James tried to force himself not to let his eyes wander but he failed, he caught glimpses of pictures and mementos, of books and dvds some were Logan's some he knew by their flair were Jack's, abandoned there or left intentionally to haunt Logan. James didn't care which of the two was it; he only knew that even though Jack was gone his presence still lingered like the storm clouds outside.

He found some pizza discarded in the fridge, most of it was there, had Logan abandoned living even before Revy's death he wondered, he reheated it and made Logan some coffee, he got them on a tray and returned to his side to find him half asleep.

"Hey! Wake up; you can't go to sleep like that."

"I'm fine James…"

"No you're not, and you're pale and soaked, try and change your clothes, I'll go get you those pills."

"You just want to see me naked again don't you…?"

"I'll pretend it's just the alcohol talking and let it slide alright, but cut it out, I'm trying to help you here and you're not making it easy."

"Didn't ask for your help…"

"Yes in your own way you did, and you know it, I'll be right back. Get under the blankets."

"Yes mom…"

"At least call me dad…" James exasperated and went straight to the bathroom, soon his torment would be over, if he didn't lose his patience and bash Logan's head against the wall. When he returned he found the coffee mug empty but the pizza untouched.

"Logan do I have to force feed you? Jeez!"

"Stop mothering me James, it's not what I need right now…"

"And you stop acting like a dick! I know you're stronger than this! Get up and eat something damn it!" He grabbed him by the shoulders, rattled his body violently, Logan was so weak and James couldn't take it any longer.

"Oh, you know me! Please! You don't know me James! You never gave me a chance! You never gave us a chance!"

"Here we go again! God have mercy!"

"God…HA! Don't get me started on God…How could He have the heart to take her before she even started living? Why is He making me suffer like this…what did I do to deserve this Hell James…ANSWER ME DAMN IT!"

"Logan stop this! It's not God's fault and it's not yours either! Stop blaming yourself for shit you can't control!"

"And who can I blame James? You!? Well, I tried that and I can't! I love you too damn much to do that!"

"You don't know what you're saying, you're tired, confused. You need rest, I should go…"

"There you go running again!"

"I'm not going to let you hurt me this time Logan…" He turned to leave but Logan grabbed his arm shaking. In the darkness he could see his eyes misty with tears, begging him, black holes looking straight to his soul, draining him of his conviction.

"Don't go James…don't leave me tonight…"

"I have to Logan, it's for the best…"

"But I'm cold James…so cold…empty…"

"Don't do this to me Logan please…"

"I want to feel you James…please…I love you…please stay tonight…" Logan let him go only for James to discover his legs were too weak to carry him to his freedom.

"Logan don't say that, anything but that…"

"I love you…" Logan wrapped his arms around James' neck and brushed his lips on his own, James couldn't resist anymore, he didn't want to, he wanted to be close to him again even if it would lead him to his doom.

"I hate you Doc…" Their tongues melted in the darkness, Logan fell back on his bed slowly dragging James down with him, their moans were drowned by the storm raging outside, there was no haste this time, their burning passion was replaced by raw emotion, it made everything a thousand times better, a million times worse.

James felt him tremble underneath him, Logan locked his arms around his neck and kissed his lips, invaded his mouth with his tongue, let everything he held inside dissolve into nothingness, his fears, his pain, only his love remained and he let that force keep him alive as he felt the intrusion in his already wrecked body.

"James I love you…I love you…" Thunder roared outside, it flooded the room with light allowing James to see Logan's face, a whirlpool of emotions swirled inside of him, Logan was a mirror looking to the edges of his soul, he felt naked, transparent, he had no place to run.

"Don't look at me with those eyes Logan…you're hurting me can't you see that…"

"I love you James…" Their pace was slow, excruciating, Logan finally had his wish, James' caress was gentle, caring, warm but not scorching, and he was exuberated by it, he prayed that James would never stop touching him, owning his body to the core, he even forgave him about the latex this time.

James felt his chest tighten, his heart was twisting with pain, those words that Logan kept repeating like a mantra, those three little words that were like arrows straight to his heart, Logan meant them but James couldn't believe in them despite of it all, his faith was lost somewhere between all the needless mistakes they had made.

"You don't…you can't…"

"I love you James…"

"Don't lie please…"

"I love you…"

"Stop it…"

"Never…I love you…" James could deny it until the end of days but one thing was true, that night, for the first time they did make love, to their bodies, to their souls. It was one step closer for them to become one, but it was one step too sort.

* * *

The rainclouds passed giving room to the morning sun, Logan felt his body heavy, his head split into two, still he felt reborn when he awoke in James' arms that morning, he felt that he was soaring in bliss, it wasn't meant to last. James was wide awake, he hadn't allowed himself rest, he looked down on Logan's sappy wide smile and it hurt him a thousand times more than their love making ever could.

"Good morning beautiful…"

"Morning…" He allowed himself to caress his cheek, it was a mistake it gave Logan courage to say those accursed words again.

"I love you James…" James didn't answer him; he bit his lower lip and kissed him forcefully, and it was then that Logan felt that something was wrong.

"Hey, didn't you hear me baby, I said I love you…" James grabbed him by his wrists flipped him on his back pinned him against the bed post pressed his body on his own.

"I want you Logan, I want you so much…" Logan pushed him away, looked at him in shock; fear exploded inside him the cold realization of the truth.

"You can't say it can you? After all this and you still won't admit it."

"I…I…does it matter Logan, they're just words…"

"No! I want to hear them from you! Tell me James! Please, just once I want to hear you say it!"

"You…you hurt me Logan…"

"I hurt you…?"

"You chose him ALRIGHT! The night I was about to give you my heart you picked him!"

"YOU PUSHED ME AWAY DAMN IT!"

"You forced my hand Logan! It was like you had a knife in my throat! Why did I have to make the choice for you? If you loved me enough you wouldn't have let him crawl back to you in the first place!"

"You vindictive son of a bitch! Can't you see that despite of everything I keep coming back to you! I love you damn it!" And then he stopped, shook his head, it wasn't enough, his love for him wasn't enough to make him change, James would always be like this, mortified of belonging to someone. Even if that someone was the love of his life.

"I can't do this anymore…" Logan admitted to himself and James realized all too late the gravity of his mistake.

"Logan…" He tried to kiss him again, let his actions speak instead of his words what he felt, but Logan wouldn't let him, because he knew it in his heart that it was time to let him go.

"Get out…"

"Logan no…"

"I said get out James! GET OUT!" He went ballistic losing the last ounces of his sanity, he jumped out of bed picked James discarded clothes and threw them at him, before James could come out of his haze Logan was already pushing him out the door.

"I don't want to see you again! I don't even want to know you exist! I hate you James! I hate you!"

"Logan wait! I 'm sorry! I…" Logan slammed the door on his face, James was ready to pound on it, break it down if he had to, but then he heard the choked up wail coming from inside and stopped his hand midair. He hadn't the strength to hurt him again.

"Goodbye my Logan…I love you…" James found the courage to leave half of his soul that day, he realized he wasn't worthy of it, that he wasn't ready to embrace it, he stepped out of Logan's life and into the unknown with a new dream praying that one day by his own hands he could make it come true.


	15. Chapter 15

**A Game Of You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Pairing: James/Logan**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language Smut**

**A/N: Took me long enough. When I started this story I pretty much viewed it as a game myself. It was meant to be a medium to get the kinky images of the boys out of my head and nothing more, apparently I was wrong. The boys took over -again- and wanted more -again-. What is sex without love they asked? Shut up I told them. And as I kept writing my life changed. Inevitably. I lost someone, someone very dear, he passed away. And my world grew darker, and the only silver lining in it was this little silly piece and you. You people that kept holding me together by simple words and a few clicks on the follow and favorite buttons. Cookie Monster Giggles, Kanerbaby, bmwstamps, DBZ AWESUM who I hope follows his heart cliché as it sounds, you guys have been there from the start of this journey and hope at least you're satisfied with this sloppy ending. Newbie to you I only have one thing to say: surprise! Bet you didn't see this one coming huh sweetheart? And finally to WhatUpSchmidt a big thanks for putting up with my crap!**

**To all of you this is for you.**

"Good morning and how's my favorite patient doing today?

"Fine, but you seem to forget I'm not your actual patient sweetheart."

"Then why did you want me in the delivery room instead of your husband huh Nora?" Logan walked into the room, hands in his pockets and with a silly little smile on his lips, it was contagious on her, made her forget her aching body and her lack of sleep.

"Because Peter was a wreck and I needed someone with nerves of steel to hold my hand, besides you gave me better breathing instructions than that hack that did my delivery."

"Doctor Cortis is a fine doctor; you just needed someone you'd listen to."

"He was a witch doctor and you know it! Seriously, I hope we didn't put you into too much trouble Logan."

"No trouble at all, gave me a chance to freshen up on skills I rarely get to use; besides you and Pete are my family away from family. Where is the little lady anyways, haven't they brought her in today?"

"She'll be here any minute relax, how about you get me some coffee and spill the dirt on Pete, how freaked out is he about me and the baby leaving the hospital in a few days?"

"Let's just say you have your work cut out for you mommy dear."

"Tell me at least he finally set the crib up or I'm going to kill him."

"You have nothing to worry about, the crib has been set and awaits for its princess."

"Which translates as you set it up for him because he doesn't even know how to hold a screwdriver; boy do I owe you big…"

"You owe me nothing; you just leave everything to us and rest as much as possible okay? Soon enough you'll be praying for the sleep hours."

"Don't I know it? Damn it, I should have tried to get you on the straight and narrow before I put the wedding ring on, you're a real catch you know that?"

"That's my curse; I'm totally irresistible by the sex I have no interest in."

"Oh, come on who are you kidding here? I know you get asked out by guys all the time, you just say no." She saw him fidget, his expression was a mix of embarrassment and guilt, the sensible thing would be to drop it there, but she felt she wasn't going to do him any favors by holding back.

"Well, I've been busy…"

"For a whole year? Ever since that bartender thing…"

"Don't. Just don't go there. And it hasn't been a whole year…" Only a few weeks sort of the last time he saw James, how could he forget after all, the day of his greatest failure when he couldn't save the tiny little life that was entrusted to him, the day his heart died twice.

"Logan seriously it has been way too long, isn't it high time you move on?"

"Don't you think I want to?" He was shaking, and his eyes went wild, he hated himself for it, for his weakness to forget the man who could have given him the world but chose to give him only grief instead.

"Honestly I don't think you're really trying Logs."

"Bad habit you picked up from your husband Nora, I hate nicknames."

"Funny cause I seem to recall you saying something about how the pretty boy kept calling you dozens of them and you loving each and every one." And then Harry knocked comically at the door like he needed any further announcement, and now Logan felt trapped with no escape, a simple casual visit was about to turn into the Spanish Inquisition.

"Hello Harold."

"Harry! For me? You shouldn't have!"

"They're just a bunch of flowers Nora, kid why don't you go get something we can put them in we've run out, and stop glaring at me like I killed your dog."

"Yes your majesty! Right away your majesty! Oh, wait how about you grab a vase yourself or even better you can take your silly daisies and stuff your big mouth with them Dallini!"

"See Nora, he can't even handle a joke about the guy."

"You don't get to joke about James! You guys have no idea what he did to me! What I went through!"

"He made you fall in love Logan, big deal, we've been there kid. We survived it, we even have the wedding rings to prove it, and the reason we don't know is because after the last time you were with the guy you shut us off and ran away to mommy!"

"I'm not going to apologize for that, I needed some time to put myself together and I needed my family and not just because of James, the thing with Revy, it killed me Harry, I wanted to give everything up …"

"Fine kid, only it didn't work, you're still not yourself, sometimes I swear you look like a zombie."

"You're still closed up Logan, even when you're with us you're there but you're not, you're off to your own little world and your eyes, they're filled with so much loneliness I swear sometimes I have to stop myself from giving you a hug or a slap you in the face to wake you up."

"It's not easy for me Nora, seeing you guys enjoy something I will never have."

"That's because you've sworn yourself out from living, and let me tell you it's not that bartender's fault, it's yours."

"No Harry! I was ready! James…"

"James this and James that! Kid every time something in your life doesn't work out you ran away or you blame someone else for it! So the guy hurt you and you hurt him back! Fine! You're even! Now what?"

"We're not even! He…"

"Logan it's not about keeping score, it's about you starting to have dreams again and living your life for once!"

"Fine by me! Since you two apparently hold all the answers how about you tell me how the fuck am I supposed to do that!?"

"C'mon Logan aren't you tired of playing victim all the time? You perfectly know what to do we don't need to spell it for you!"

"Let's pretend I have your level of intelligence Harry and humor me!"

"You have choices Logan, you may not like them but they're there, you either have to let it go for real or do something about it."

"Like what? Crawl back to him Nora!?"

"Don't look at it like that; take a few baby steps first. A friendly call maybe to see how he's doing, or you can go back to that club…" He laughed at that, an empty hollow laugh that filled the room and made the hair of his friends stand on edge and exchange worried looks with each other.

"Been there, done that, it was a dead end. Besides I don't have his number anymore."

"What?"

"He changed it." Logan blushed and lowered his head; he used to call James in the dead of night using another number that he had bought just for the purpose of hearing that sweet captivating voice and make it through the day, but then one night to his horror and shame the only thing he got was the out of order message. He was lost in those thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder, looked up and saw Peter, finally reinforcements had arrived, only he wasn't so sure if he needed them or not.

"And before you two say it he doesn't work at the club anymore either so you can stop chewing his head off."

"Hi honey and no honey we won't, our friend over here needs to hear the truth for once."

"And you're not helping him with the big brother overprotective attitude Sutner."

"I've actually done more to help him than you Dalini!"

"Pete don't, please don't go there…"

"Oh, yeah and what exactly did you do?"

"Went to Eden to kick that pretty boy's ass for screwing with my homeboy a few days after Logan left town, only thing is that weird chick behind the bar told me James had transcended the garden or something screwy like that."

"In other words all you've done is shelter him and try to fight his battles! Nice one Sutner."

"Screw you Harry!"

"Alright enough! All of you enough! I came here to see how Nora's doing not to get lectured by you people on how to live my life! I appreciate that you care, I really do, and I know you're right but if I decide to move on in any direction I will do it on my own damn time thank you very much!"

"Logan calm down we're only trying to help."

"No, Nora sorry but you were out for most of the drama, you don't have the whole picture, not your fault I kept you out because back then you didn't take things very seriously, Harry I'm sorry but you're coming out a little bit hypocritical because back then the only thing you wanted from me was to get back with Jack because he was the safe option and me hearing your little voice inside my head and second guessing all my choices wasn't exactly very helpful! And Pete they're right, not about ganging up on me like this but what they're saying, they are a hundred percent right. Thanks for the rescue but you've done enough; you don't have to fight your best friend and your wife for a few damn wrong choices I made."

"Those wrong choices cost you buddy."

"I know and you know something, I'm done paying for them, I have to try to get out of my shell, next time an opportunity comes, my way I'll try to see it for what it is, an opportunity nothing more nothing less. And if I want to see James, well, I know where he lives, when I'm ready maybe, just maybe…"

"Good to hear kid, nobody's asking anything more from you."

"Will you stop calling me kid Harry, you're like five years older than me!"

"Yeah, but I'm an old soul."

"I think I'm going to gag…" Peter got the finger for that little comment, and if Logan didn't give them all a stern icy look they would have gone for round two just for the heck of it.

"And I think this would be the perfect opportunity to…Aw look who's here!" The nurse walked in carrying Peter's and Nora's baby covered in pink blankets and everything else in the room deemed pale in comparison, they all huddled up around her cooing over her and making funny faces which she responded with ear piercing cries, the nurse handed her over to her mother were she finally settled and stopped fidgeting like it was her natural place in the world.

"All right how about you boys give us ladies some privacy, my little girl's a bit hungry aren't you sweetheart?" They all turned to leave, Logan first but he didn't make it to the door, Peter grabbed him by the wrist and stopped him cold with a mischievous smile.

"Wait Logan, Nora how about we tell him now? Make it up for him for ruining his morning?"

"I was going to tell him actually, we got interrupted by the most adwoble wittle baby ever. That's you, yes you…"

"Tell me what?"

"Well, we were thinking if you'd like…"

"Will you be her godfather Logan?"

"Hey what the fuck! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK ME! I'M YOUR BEST MAN AND EVERYTHING!" Harry shot his head back in the room but Logan had zoned out looking at absolutely nothing while his mind was rushing back to a daydream he once had.

"Shut up fatso! Logan are you there? Focus here for a minute! How about an answer?" But he didn't answer, he walked up to Nora instead.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah if you want to, it would be our honor."

"Can I hold her?"

"Of course." He took her in his arms carefully and cradled her, she cried out again because of the simple fact that she was hungry and torn out of her mother's embrace but Logan didn't waver, thoughts still back on that locked away dream that one day he would be holding a baby with James right beside him.

"Hey little girl, wanted to ask you if you're ok if your godfather is a little bit queer…"

"Trust me kid with the parents she has that's going to be the least of her problems."

"For crying out loud! Get out Harry! You're ruining everything!"

"Peter it's okay, settle down sweetheart, so Logan…"

"Yeah I'll do it, what's her name going to be anyways?"

"We were thinking Josephine after my mom, you know."

"Ah, there you are Joy I was looking for you for a long time now, a long long time…" Nobody said anything about that, because for the first time in a year Logan's smile was genuine and not forced, because he was reminded of the hopes he thought were gone forever, of dreams of family, love and James.

* * *

"A little to the left…not that far…perfect! Thanks guys!" His classmates let go of the painting and took a step back and James was all smiles proud with his work.

"This is perfect! Really guys you've been life savers!"

"Glad we could help James, don't worry about it."

"Sure you guys don't mind me taking the biggest wall? Maybe I should submit something else for the show?"

"Oh stop that, we've been there Diamond. You're the best of the graduates, that's by far your best piece, it gets the biggest wall. Stop being so modest and enjoy it."

"Don't you boys fall for my son's theatricalities, the shallow beast is just begging for praise." His mother walked in the room with one of his professor's right next to her, and even though James didn't like her comment he was glad she was there.

"Are you boys done here because there are still some pieces left that need to be set?"

"Yes sir we'll get right on it." His fellow students turned to leave, James didn't follow, he stood there looking closer to his own work examining it for flaws and to his ire he found plenty.

"Maybe this isn't the right spot; the lighting seems a little off…"

"James you could have it hanging upside down and it'll still be a marvel to look at. Relax."

"I don't know professor Flidge, I think it's too classic, don't you think it's too classic? And maybe a little overdone…"

"It's fine James stop worrying about it, the only problem I have with it is that it's your only piece, you should have let us show more of your work."

"I didn't think that would be right, it's a graduates' show not a James Diamond one sir."

"No one would have minded James; actually most of your class and some of the other teachers came to me and asked if I could talk you into it. How about that piece of that winged young man, the angel with his wings clipped and falling? What was it called again?"

"Careful Jerry, you're threading on the thinnest of ice." Brooke warned and the professor looked at them confounded, James' expression though didn't change his eyes fell on the center of the piece and he touched it lovingly like he was caressing skin instead of canvas.

"It's called Dying Eros and no, I'd rather if we stay with this one if you don't mind?"

"You wouldn't be interested in selling it to me then?"

"No Jerry he wouldn't, trust me James wouldn't be able to part with anything from that little collection of his, even if we have to buy a warehouse for it, he keeps adding one piece after another ."

"Ah, so my suspicions were correct, your return to school and all the wonderful art you've been making since were because you found your muse my dear boy."

"It's nothing that dramatic sir. It was just time to move on with my life, get my degree…"

"Oh, please! Give us a break James!" Brooke snorted and laughed, James didn't even glare at her, his eyes wouldn't leave the painting, still wondering if he managed to translate all his feelings right.

"James there's nothing to be ashamed of, inspiration comes in many forms, love is the most common of them."

"Right next to heartbreak I take it sir?"

"I'm afraid it comes with the package of being a good artist."

"I'd rather if he was a terrible one then…" Brooke gently caressed his shoulder; James finally broke out of his daze and turned to face her with a sad little smile, the only kind he could muster in the last year.

"This is getting a little bit depressing, how about we all go out for lunch?"

"So you can keep on pestering me about a donation to the school professor? Oh well, I have a few hours to kill so I'll humor you. But you're buying!"

"It will be a pleasure Brooke. James, are you coming?"

"I'm in, I'll just a need a moment if that's okay with you…"

"Go wait for us downstairs Jerry, will be right with you." After making sure his teacher was out of earshot James looked at his mother and gulped stumbling on words trying to swallow his pride down.

"Spit it out James, I know you're dying to ask."

"Did you send it?"

"Yes James we did, or rather Martha did, I have no time for such trivial things."

"Still not sure about this…"

"Too late to back down now it's well under its way and you and I made a bet, and I will have you pay for it."

"It was a stupid bet…"

"You should have thought of that before you took it, I managed to stay out of the office for a month letting my work pile up, you are going to resolve this love predicament of yours now."

"He's not gonna come anyways…"

"If he does, and both me and Martha are dead certain he will, are you ready to go through with your end?"

"I don't have much choice in it, all these things mom, all these things I've kept inside are eating me up and putting them down on canvas isn't enough for me anymore…"

"Nothing will be enough James except for the real deal."

"But what if he still hates me or what if he moved on and he's with someone else, or what if he doesn't even want to listen to what I have to say?"

"And what if a meteor falls on our way out and pulverizes us all to dust?"

"You'd survive it."

"And so would you. You're strong now James, you've grown. You faced your demons and you beat them, I'm proud of you and once Logan sees this little beauty so will he."

"What if he doesn't love me anymore…?" Brooke rolled her eyes and slapped him on the back of his head with a big happy satisfied grin.

"James do remember that you are a Diamond! I don't care what it takes you do not lose this war, you hear me!"

"First of all ouch! And second Mom this isn't a war, it's about…"

"Oi! I wish you were more like me when it comes to these matters instead of that dolt of a father of yours! Listen here young man, you're in this fine mess because thanks to that damn pride of yours, which I have no idea from where you've got it from, you lost him! You want him back? Good for you! You swallow that pride and do it by any means necessary! I don't care if you beg, lie and grovel on your knees! Hell you can even kidnap him, I'll give you the private jet so you can run away! Are we clear James David!?"

"Crystal ma'am…"

"Good! Now let's go for lunch! Jerry's waiting and I want to see him beg for my money."

"Mom, about that pride of mine, I'm pretty sure I got it from you…"

"And now that you've left the house and I made the fatal mistake of giving you the money your grandfather left you I have nothing to black mail you with, woe to me…"

"You know Brooke you should have been an actress, I swear every day it's like I'm living the Taming Of The Shrew with you…"

"I wanted to; your grandparents wouldn't have it…" She mumbled hoping he wouldn't hear her, but James froze in place and started screaming like a maniac.

"OH REALLY! And how did that make you feel Mrs. No-son-of-mine-is-going-to-be-an-artist?!"

"Shut up James, keep the ammunition for our next fight, and remember what I've I taught you, play safe, play smart and play to win."

"Yes mother."

"Atta boy." Even though her words were encouraging James anxiety wouldn't subside but next to it though there was hope, hope and determination to make his wish a reality.

* * *

A couple of weeks later in one all too normal afternoon Logan stepped in his apartment building trying to jungle his groceries and grab the mail at the same time.

He took a quick look at it as he came up the stairs, and as he reached his door he came upon something strange that made him drop everything to the floor, because between the bills and his science magazines tucked away was something unexpected, something with the power to crack his world like it was made of glass.

"Oh God, oh God, it can't be…" He struggled with his keys and ended up almost breaking the door apart as he rushed in ignoring the mess he made, he finally plummeted on the couch tearing the envelope, one letter inside, one strange card.

"This isn't happening, this isn't real, this can't be real after all this time…" But yet he was still holding it shaking, an invitation from some prestigious art school he had never heard before for a show the graduates were putting up in order to celebrate getting their degrees. He only knew of one artist, but he never believed he would get the chance to see him again.

He read the invitation over and over and then with eyes on the verge of tears he took a look at the card. There was a planet on it, the Earth, shining in the vastness of space, a Latin number and an inscription on the bottom.

"The World…" He didn't know much about tarot, but he knew whose touch that was, or was it all a scheme James' best friend was putting in order to set them up, was Shiva the sender or James and did it matter really. Shiva wasn't the sort of person to purposely hurt her friend by having Logan barge in James' celebratory day; if James didn't want him there she wouldn't have gone into the trouble. At least that was what his logic said; his heart was another matter entirely.

"You can't do this to me James, not again…" He whispered and tried to regain his composure picked himself up and went to clean the chaos on his doorstep.

He tried to push them back, the storming thoughts that were eating away his mind, find the resolve to take the invitation and throw it in the trash and not go for another round of heartbreak, but he couldn't and he knew all too well why, he loved him, always had and always would, no matter the distance or the time apart he would never be able to let James Diamond go and he had to come to terms with it eventually.

He went through his phone contacts a thousand times trying to find someone to call and ask for advice but he was indecisive on who, he knew what his friends would say and his family would pretty much say the same thing because they wanted to see him happy, and in the end he thought the decision had to be made by him and him alone, no outside factors, no Jacks or work anxiety or the guilt of past mistakes, just one simple question, did he want to see James again.

He didn't decide that day or the one that followed it or even the next one. In his grueling struggle to find the right path he even took a piece of paper and wrote down the pros and the cons like he was some schoolgirl with a crush. He tore it up as soon as he finished it, ignoring the fact that the cons far outweighed the pros. Although the first word he wrote down was 'happy' because there still was that possibility, and he couldn't exactly put 'happy' on a scale.

In the end he stopped fighting with himself and succumbed to the obvious truth, he belonged to James and James would never let him go one way or another, either by his actions or by the simple fact he was out there, existing. That was his destiny, that was his fate, either he would conform to it or he would suffer a life of loneliness and doubt.

That was Logan's final conclusion all that was left was to try to tell James about it and see where he stood.

More time passed, the days flew by him and caught him unprepared, he asked for a day off at the last minute, his superiors weren't too happy about it but they caved in, he dug up his closet for something formal to wear and was forced to buy new shoes, even though the invitation said nothing about formal wear, he simply felt the need, if this was the last time James would see him he wanted to leave an impression, to etch himself in his memory, and finally he did confess to his friends because he was a ball of nerves and needed somebody to hold his hand, Harry drove him downtown to the fancy renovated building the event was held and didn't say a word about it in the car, not until they arrived and Logan didn't move an inch.

"We're here."

"Yeah, I'm going."

"Okay good luck."

"Thanks."

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"You're still in the car."

"Give me a minute, I just need a minute."

"No because if I give you one you'll start over thinking things again and ask me to take you home."

"But what if it wasn't James that send the invitation after all? Or…"

"Kid get out of the car or I'll wrangle your neck! Jesus it's about time you end this farce!"

"Fine! I'm going! I'm going!" Logan stepped out of the car before Harry could get his hands around him but then before closing the door he lowered his head back in through the window.

"Harry…"

"What now!?"

"Thank you."

"Oh just go already! Hey, and if the asshole tries anything funny…"

"Don't worry; I'll call you so you can pick my pieces from the floor."

"He's the one who's going to end up in pieces after I'm done with him. Be sure to tell him that!" Logan snickered and entered the building, and wondered why he often felt so alone since he had such wonderful people in his life, maybe he just took them for granted, maybe it was high time he stopped.

The event was held on the top floor, the elevator ride was painfully slow, asphyxiating, Logan could see all his demons in the mirror, his past mistakes, but his gravest one was second guessing, all the self-doubt and unneeded guilt, and he couldn't afford the luxury this time, he knew if this ended badly he wouldn't be able to survive another encounter with James.

When the doors slid open he almost jumped out like he had been locked in a cage only to be stunned at the sight he beheld, it was a ballroom filled with people, live music on the back, beautiful flowers and art decorating the walls. He had been invents before, doctor conventions and the like, but the people before him seemed so unreal, so James-like. This was his world and he felt like a fish out of water, but he had felt that way before, back when he went to see James in Eden, deciding that such things were not going to hold him back he handed the invitation over to the woman at the door and stepped in.

His eyes wandered, he couldn't find James in the sea of people, he didn't pay attention to the art much, he had no interest in such things not before he met James anyways, and then something caught his eye, maybe it was the size of it since it took pretty much a wall on its own, or maybe it was the flock of people around marveling and gashing over it, he didn't know, he didn't care, his feet took lead and carried him unconsciously, his body at least knew his destiny.

When he reached it the immediate action he wanted to take was to turn away and run, it was like he was witnessing a car accident in slow motion or somebody bleeding away in the E.R room in his hands, such was the magnitude of the feelings unleashed inside him, the captivating beauty of what he was facing.

A field of grass in colored blazes, trees made of breaking glass, a white little tiger cub sleeping peacefully at it's a center under a sky filled with diamonds, some falling like shooting stars, the symbol of eternity in place of the sun, Logan trembling touched the canvas, he trailed his fingers from one side to the bottom right corner where the signature of the painter was, not that he needed to read it, lovingly his fingers went around the letters, he whispered his name like he was answering a call.

"James…oh my James…"

"Sir you are not supposed to touch that." The man standing beside him said in monotone and woke Logan from his trance, he quickly wiped his moist eyes and a nervous giggle escaped him.

"I'm sorry, I dazed off."

"They can call security for this kind of thing."

"It's alright, I kind of know the artist."

"So do I and I don't believe he would approve, he's very sensitive about his work."

"You know James?" Logan unconsciously scanned the man from head to toes to see if he fitted James' tastes, but he was too blunt and pale looking, taller than James if that was even possible, like a frost giant or a man made out of stone.

"He's a friend of the woman I'm accompanying."

"Have you seen him? I'd like to talk to him."

"His class is taking memento photos downstairs."

"Oh…"

"They won't be long with this cold."

"Okay I can wait, I'm Logan, Logan Mitchell by the way…." Logan offered a handshake, and the man unenthusiastically accepted.

"Thomas Clarent, pleasure."

"So I haven't talked to him for a while, is he doing all right?"

"I believe so."

"That's good, that's good…" But he didn't believe it, the painting spoke volumes, James was suffering caught up in the past, and Logan had only himself to blame, bottom line was he never indented to hurt him, he only wanted to be happy with him, why was it that hard anyways.

"Mr. Mitchell can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course."

"How would you describe this piece, because I'm going to be questioned about it later?"

"Well, it's umm…it's beautiful, breathtaking really."

"Is it? Because I'm not very familiar with these kind of things."

"Me neither actually, but how can I put this…"

"It calls out to your soul." A woman interrupted them suddenly, in a long red dress and a coat over her shoulders, she looked like an actress from the golden age of cinema coming down the red carpet, but no actress could match her warm smile.

"Excuse me?" She gave him a giggle and walked to the towering man instead averting her face from Logan.

"Tommy can you get me a glass of wine? I'm out."

"Of course." The man left them alone after a quick bow and once she faced him Logan recognized her by her piercing green eyes.

"Shiva!?"

"Hello Logan and its Martha today sweet, I'm humoring James and playing the role of a mortal."

"I didn't recognize you without the braids; did you dye your hair?"

"Had to for my internship, I can't look more crazy than my customers you know?"

"And you're with that guy? He didn't exactly look like your type."

"Doesn't look like it I know, he's not very emotional, kind of stoic, but he's steady as a rock, helps me focus on the now. I've told you before Logan, you don't get to pick your soul mate, the universe does it for you."

"Whatever makes you happy, I guess. Does James like him?"

"He says he's boring so I'm thinking of proposing to him. Celtic wedding on the next solstice if I get my way and he humors me."

"Well if I'm allowed an opinion, if I learned something in this life it's that for better or worse opposites do attract." For a few moments they said nothing else and stared at the painting again, Logan's nervousness returned trying to find the right way to phrase his questions.

"You send the invitation didn't you, not James."

"Yes, but he agreed to it and it wasn't even my idea really."

"He didn't believe I was going to come did he?"

"Probably, but he prayed you would."

"How is he doing, the truth?"

"Can't you see?"

"That's the problem, I can but it doesn't make sense, he can't still have feelings for me."

"Don't you have feelings for him, why is it so hard to believe that the other way around holds true?"

"I don't know, maybe I've just convinced myself I still love him, maybe I'm just a sucker for pain, and then I look at this and I can't feel my own legs, can't breathe, it's like he's bared out his soul and mine and the only thing I want to do is hold him…"

"Ask yourself Logan, why are you here?"

"There's something I have to tell him I guess…"

"Do me a favor, listen to what he has to say to you first."

"I'll try. About that card you send me, the World, I didn't have time to look it up, what does it mean?"

"It means fulfillment Doctor Mitchell, the end of a journey the beginning of a new one. I thought it was appropriate."

"Well, I guess it is, one way or another it ends tonight…" His back turned on the crowd, his eyes on the painting, his mind caught up on endless storm of what ifs and still he could feel his presence, James staring him from afar.

"He's behind me isn't he?"

"Trembling like a fish, ready to face your destiny Logan Mitchell?"

"No, but wish me luck… "

"You don't need it." She gave him a tender peck on the cheek instead, Logan turned and saw James across the room and there was something different about him, it wasn't the tuxedo or the little charming smile he shot him when their eyes met that melted away his heart. There was a glow around him, Logan could always see him shine but this time it was different it wasn't scorching hot, it was warm, familiar, nostalgic.

They walked up to each other meeting half way and both came at a stop at the same time, awkwardness and anxiety took control, Logan felt his whole body itching, James was sweating bullets, it wasn't until Logan noticed the tie around James' neck, the red one he was promised once in what seemed like a lifetime ago, that gave him enough courage open his mouth.

"So hi..."

"You came…"

"Yeah, I got this invitation and I thought it was you or Shiva turns out…"

"My mom's, the idea was my mother's."

"Really why would she do that? I thought she didn't like me…"

"Trust me she does like you, and she has this funny ulterior motive that you're better off not knowing. You look good by the way."

"So do you, and congratulations, for the degree I mean."

"Thanks, it wasn't as hard as I thought once I got my head in the game."

"James, look…"

"Can we go outside, I want to talk to you and it's kinda hard with all these people around, I feel like they're all staring at us for some reason…"

"Yeah I get it, and I could actually use some fresh air."

"Great." James gave him a big smile, he gestured towards a balcony and Logan followed him. They were greeted by dancing snowflakes and cold and nothing else, James stepped close to the edge Logan kept his distance and leaned against the window trying to avoid looking directly at him, the city glistened beneath them, thousands of people out there and yet to them it was a whole different world, like no one else existed, just them, and it felt that this was reality and everything else a dream.

"So how's work?"

"Works going fine, they offered me a permanent spot once my internship's over."

"Are you taking it?"

"Thinking about it, I have friends here but it's hard, I miss my family, and there are too many memories some I'd like to forget. James can we stop beating around the bushes, we're not going anywhere with the chitchat."

"I know, you're right. Let me go first and please for the life of me, don't interrupt. I know you're not going to like everything I have to say but if you stop me mid sentence I…I'm going to lose the handle Logie."

"I'll try." Logan nodded and James took a big breath closed his eyes and steeled himself.

"Okay, here's the thing, I love you."

"James…"

"No! Don't! Listen to me! I love you! I fell in love with you since the moment I saw you, maybe even before that! I don't know maybe it was the reason I was born in the first place, anyway I love you and I didn't recognize it back then because I didn't know what love was or rather I did but I didn't know if I wanted it cause of the whole drama with my parents' divorce…Doesn't matter! I was so drawn to you, like you were some kind of magnet and I thought it was just a hard case of physical attraction and I wanted to explore that with you, make some sense of why I couldn't control myself around you, why I couldn't break it when I saw that things were getting out of hand, why I wanted to go that extra mile, why my chest hurt like it had a fucking knife stuck in it whenever you would mention Jack!"

"James we were in a bad place when we started this…"

"For the love of God stop interrupting me Logan! Where was I? Yes! The Jackass thing! It killed me Logan! That you wouldn't let him go! It made me want to smack you or hold you, doubt you, the man walked all over you and he had no right! Only I can do that!"

"James are you serious!? Are you trying to justify your attitude here!? Who do you think you are!?"

"But I do have the right to hurt you and you have the right to hurt me! I love you more than anyone else in this world ever has or ever will Logan, and pain is part of love, I wish it wasn't but it is! And we have accept that! I can't promise you roses Logan, we're too different I can see that but I'm willing to do anything for you, I'll give it my best!"

"You're just putting things under a rag James, confessing to me doesn't change things, we'll end up getting hurt and I don't want to hurt you again!"

"I'm not hiding things Logan! I haven't forgotten what a mess we made the last time! We both made mistakes, your indecisiveness, me bottling up everything, hurting each other on purpose…But I'm not going to hold you up for the past, I've changed, I've made my own life and it's a good one, it's just you know me, I'm selfish, I don't want it if you're not in it, it'll be too empty, I'll never be fulfilled, I'll never be truly happy and I know you won't be either."

"James, I don't know, I just don't know…"

"Yes! Yes you do! Don't deny me my love, please don't. It'll be different this time, we'll take it slow, I'll do anything and I know you will too, just let me be close to you again, that all I want, just to be close to you again..."

James fell silent and Logan couldn't look at him anymore, he was too beautiful, too honest, too cruelly innocent, he covered the distance between them in a few steps fell in his arms and nuzzled his head against his loves' burning chest.

"Just dance with me you idiot…" James wrapped his arms around him, kissed his forehead and let some of the locked away tears flow as his heart combusted in flames, as the world made sense again, as he felt absolved and reborn and alive for the first time.

"Whatever you want my love, whatever you want…"

* * *

The rest of the night went like a dream to them; people flocked around James to congratulate him on his work and James would introduce Logan as a friend, but it only made Logan smile, he could tell by his gleaming eyes that he only said that so he wouldn't scare him off, to prove to him that he would keep his word and not rush things this time, besides at one point he unconsciously grabbed his hand and he wouldn't let it go, and Logan felt so safe he didn't even think of taking it away.

Brooke arrived much later, and this time Logan was sensible enough to fear her, although this time there was no need, she congratulated James with a took-you-long-enough comment and a very businesslike hand gesture like she was signing a deal, James reaction of course was to roll his eyes and snipe at her but Brooke paid him no mind, she caught Logan off guard with a hug and whispered something in his ear that gave him a heart attack.

"Adopted or not I do expect an heir from your transaction with my son Doctor." And for the rest of the night she mingled like an aristocrat and left them in peace.

Finally hours later they noticed that almost everyone was gone, too immersed in each other's company they hadn't noticed the passing of time.

"Doc I think we should call it a night…"

"Yeah we should, shouldn't we?" Logan wasn't even tired, maybe it was the all-nighters in the hospital, maybe he didn't want his fairy tale to end, reluctantly he followed James to an elevator, and that's when he noticed he was still bouncing like a child.

"So dinner and a movie Friday night?"

"Well I have to check my schedule first but yeah, that's the plan."

"I don't mind if it's a weekday don't sweat it Tiger, or you could come over to my place and I can cook for you instead and you can see my new apartment, I didn't get to cook for you the last time did I? Then again it's a mess with all the empty paint buckets and the canvases lying around and it's too small! No dinner and a movie, besides I want to hold your hand in the dark…"

"Starving artist now huh?"

"Not starving but I'm thinking of getting a masters degree and I want to pay for it myself, you know with my savings, and Christmas is coming up, if you want we could do something special for the holidays, have you ever been to Paris?" Logan shook his head and couldn't hold his laugh down, it made James stop and bite his lips.

"I'm making a fool of myself with all this ranting, aren't I?"

"Just a little, it's refreshing actually, I like this better than the Casanova act. Also it gives me something to brag about, the little fact that I tamed James Diamond."

"Crap! It's just that…just…I love you Doc and this time I want to go all out, I don't want to hold back and make you doubt me again, I'm a hundred percent in on this…" Logan saw it in his eyes, the care, the love, how he was trying to hold the passion down and not jump the gun, it made his own soul ignite, his own sense crumble, he leaned back against the wall, he let his fingers search for the control panel and then to James' surprise the elevator came to a sudden stop.

"What the…"

"James, do you mean that, do you really love me…?" They were both trembling, Logan's voice came out husky, James knew what it meant but still he fought every urge he had to try at least and fight his lust this time.

"Yes I do, I love you with all my heart but this time Logie maybe we can take it slow…"

"I don't want to wait! I've been waiting for too damn long to feel alive again!"

"Are you sure, are you really sure?"

"Show me James, if you love me show me how much!"

"God I thought you'd never ask!" Everything became a blur, James jumped up to him like a madman, he picked him up in his arms and lifted him up against the wall, Logan didn't have the chance to even take in air, he wrapped his legs around him and tried to match his passion, welcomed back his tongue with his own, fisted his hair and groaned in pleasure.

James struggled to hold Logan up, to get the clothes off them as fast as humanly possible but he couldn't tell right from left anymore not when Logan was kissing his face all over, his legs gave up and they tumbled down the floor slowly and once there Logan broke free from his embrace, and although James tried to brace himself as best as he could when he heard the sound of his own zipper come down he was sure he was going to die right then and there once he felt Logan's mouth encircling him.

"Aw God I missed your tongue!"

"And I missed the taste of your skin bar boy, so sweet, so big…" The more James moaned the more ruthless Logan became, from bopping his head to slurping it all down, and he gave those sounds out that drove James completely insane.

James was sure that Logan could go on forever devouring him like a hungry beast, part of him wanted it but he knew it wouldn't satisfy them, only one thing would and for once James was ready for it.

"Doc stop…"

"Why? I'm hungry! It's been too damn long since the last time!"

"I know it's been too long baby, but I'm selfish remember? I want all of you…" He pulled away and grabbed Logan by his shoulders forcing him up, he wanted to look into his eyes to show him how serious he was but Logan couldn't focus, he was so close to James' mouth the only thing he wanted was to feel his lips pressed against his own again.

"Logan remember back at my place when you asked me if I wanted to take then next step with you? To go all the way…"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I mean the condoms Tiger, I haven't touched anyone for over a year and I had a physical every month just in case I magically ran into you again, I mean I'm clean…"

"James are you sure?"

"If you still want to…you wanted to feel all of me back then didn't you? I'll understand if you…"

"James not another word, just make me yours already, can't you see I'm dying here…?"

James nodded and gave Logan his fingers and Logan took them in his mouth with a smile coating them with saliva as eagerly as he was sucking him before, James used his free hand to pull Logan's pants and underwear down, and once his fingers were ready he slipped his index inside him making him groan and embrace him for dear life.

Logan was too tight, James wasn't the only one who hadn't been touched for a year, the preparation was excruciating long for the both of them, but still it was worth it, once Logan felt James enter him everything was worth it. The pain, the discomfort, all the heartache he had to endure to reach this point, he would go through it all over again because never before had he felt so desired or so loved and he knew only James was capable of giving him that.

"Harder James…" Out of breath he begged him nipping away at his earlobe, drowning on his scent, arms around his neck trying desperate to hold on as James plowed away with as much force as his body could muster. Their body heat rose into an inferno, the elevator shook, their universe collapsed into singularity, they burned away and melted into one.

"Warm, you're so fucking warm, so tender my love…"

"Say it again...say that you love me James…"

"I love you…I love you with all my heart…" James struggled to convey all his feelings into passion, his pants turned heavier, his skin sizzled, his tempo increased, it made Logan's nerves tingle with sensual pulses and flood his body with delight. James suddenly lifted him up in his arms and Logan straddled himself around him, with each and every thrust they came closer to each other, as close at two human beings could ever come. They lost themselves in a carnal tempest, in a torrent of kisses, bite marks and nail scratches, moaning nonsense in each others mouths, praying that they could go on like that forever.

But suddenly James knew, he felt it in his bones, he locked his eyes in Logan's wanting to scream out but his throat had run dry and they only thing he did was kiss him passionately and choke his moan, the thrusts became jabs and Logan's vision turned white, he felt himself overfilled with James and his body couldn't hold his own orgasm down any longer, he threw his head back and let everything out painting his painter's abdomen with a color of his own.

The world kept on spinning, James slowly tried to pull away his lower half, Logan still in his embrace, Logan suddenly kissed him and pinned him down with a sad stare.

"No…stay, I want to feel you for just a little longer…just a little longer…"

"Okay…" He held him tighter and kissed his cheek, Logan took his hand in his own smiling victorious, he could see it clearly now in his mind's eye, a red thread circling around them tying them until the end of time.

"My soul mate…"

"Yes, your soul mate…yours forever…"

"You'll never leave me again will you Jamie?"

"Never Doc, I swear, and I'll make you happy, I'll make you the happiest man alive."

"I already am, I don't want anything else, I don't need anything else just you…just my beautiful bar boy…I love you James Diamond, you and no one else…"

"I love you too heart breaker…" And with a slow gentle kiss they signaled the end of their game, and thus their real life as one begun.


End file.
